Partner going on stag do, help I can’t cope!!

[Tbr]

Please help, my partner of 2 years is going on a stag do, one were it’s going to a Spain to the usual strips, bars possible strip clubs etc
we are 44 I think it’s unacceptable to go on that kind of a stag do, I’m so insecure about what could happen and I’m being told my standards are too high.
I”m not sure if I want to be with a man who thinks this kind of stag do holiday is deemed acceptable.
does anyone at all have the same opinion? Or does everyone think I’m too much?

Do you think he’s actually going to cheat? Because he could do that wherever he goes

It’s irrational to be that worried. There must be trust issues in your relationship to feel this way.

To be blunt, whilst it's unpalatable you need to just get a grip.

You either trust him or you don’t. Has he a history of cheating

I thought you were going to say you have 2 kids under 5 and can't cope along for 3 nights. If you say anything to him you will look controlling.

The guy needs to run for the hills

Has he cheated previously?

Same

Let him go and enjoy himself.

If you can’t cope with your partner going on a stag do you shouldn’t be in a relationship

You can’t cope ,you sound very dramatic.

If he’s never given you cause to be concerned (and if he has why are you still with him?) what’s different about now? Or Spain? Or the presence of clubs he may not even want to go to?

He’s either trustworthy or he isn’t. And if you can’t trust him it doesn’t matter where he is or what’s on offer. Norwich has a lap dancing club. Is it ok if the stag is held there?

I honestly think this is possibly more your problem. Only you know if your insecurity is based on likelihood but if it’s not then maybe you could think about why he has to modify his behaviour to accommodate what is a you-problem…

I'm suprise you're getting these responses OP, unless everyone else hs missed the part about strip clubs - Mumnets is normally very Anti as soon as they're mentioned!

I wouldn't be happy about that aspect of it either - although a weekend away with "the lads" drinking etc in "normal" pubs and bars I'd be ok with

Is it just the strip clubs you have issues with or the whole thing?

YABU

Are you worrried he’s going to get drunk and have sex with other women? Sure he could do that at home. How are your anxiety levels normally? Because going on a stag do is a completely normal thing for a man with friends to do, and unless there is some hideous back story, he really shouldn’t have to curtail his life just to manage your anxiety - it makes you controlling.

What do you actually know about what they will be doing? Are they planning on going to strip clubs or are you just concerned that they might?

Yikes op; that’s not good, it’s really quite normal to go on these stag do’s and he can’t say to his friends i can’t come as my girlfriend is all insecure.

i mean it’s not great, but I personally take no issue with it. I also think saying you don’t wish to be in a relationship with him is bullshit threats as you’re clearly desperate to be in a relationship with him to the extent this stag do has you behaving so scared.

If my DP went on a stag trip that involved women who were possibly trafficked, I’d tell him not to bother coming back. And I’d mean it.

What kind of scum ‘enjoys’ exploiting women? It’s not cool and it’s not ok. It’s creepy as fuck.

Clearly just concerned as she’s said “possible strip clubs”. The strips is just the term for the street basically.

As others have said, if he's going to cheat or whatever, then there are plenty of opportunities to do so here. The location is irrelevant. You clearly don't trust him for whatever reason and that's the real issue here.

Blimey calm down, she doesn’t even know if he is going to a strip club.

Trust or no trust I wouldn’t want to be with a man who would visit a strip club, and No, they don’t all do it; raise your bar!

That's what I assumed too but she also talks about 'that kind of a stag do' which feels like a strange way to refer to a stag do that involves going to normal bars (given that presumably about 99.9% of them must involve going to a bar of some kind).

Think she’s worried they will all be out drinking and lots of hen dos and women doing the same, so he might cheat.

Who's telling you your standards are too high? Him?

I would find a man who would exploit trafficked or controlled women repulsive. That's his friends group idea of fun. Ew.

That said, you're trying to control his choices.

I just wouldn't be with a man who could be ok with he or his friends using exploited women for a "good time".