Partner going on stag do, help I can’t cope!!

[Tbr]

Please help, my partner of 2 years is going on a stag do, one were it’s going to a Spain to the usual strips, bars possible strip clubs etc
we are 44 I think it’s unacceptable to go on that kind of a stag do, I’m so insecure about what could happen and I’m being told my standards are too high.
I”m not sure if I want to be with a man who thinks this kind of stag do holiday is deemed acceptable.
does anyone at all have the same opinion? Or does everyone think I’m too much?

I’d be unhappy about the strippers from an exploration of women perspective. But it’s up to him if he goes and chooses to involve himself in that type of activity

Thats your opinion to the women and men working there its a living, to the men and women visiting them its some fun or a release. Allot of money is made in the x x x industry.

meant kindly, if you’re that worried maybe you need to consider whether you should be together at all.

Lovely lady maybe you both need to see the therapist. Don't beat yourself up too much that you are feeling so insecure. You shouldn't feel like that in a relationship true and that needs working on, but the fact you do shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself. You have both had bad experiences as you say, and you can work on this with a therapist together.

Good luck to you both ❤

I don't like these stag/boys holidays either. They seem to drink to excess and act like idiots. Having said that sometimes it's not much different to them having a night out, whether that is in the UK or abroad.
Echoing others, if he wanted to cheat, bluntly he would and it wouldn't matter where he is. It's one of those things where you have to trust your man as uncomfortable as it is and it would be controlling to get him to not go because that's what makes us feel better.

Back in the day and older friend told me that Stag Do's were usually just a pub crawl the night before the wedding!

Not nearly a full.week abroad with a bunch of fellow Knob head s.

How entitlement has changed things.

Let him.go and do something nice for yourself like a couple days at a Spa and switch your phone off.

Maybe you have different values?

You mention that he has cheated in previous relationships. Did you know this before you got into a relationship with him? That would be a deal breaker for me. I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who had such low morals.

Well seeing that he cheated in previous relationships and the OP has been cheated on I would say this is a given.

Exactly this!
Why would you go there if you had been cheated on before?
Being cheated on is bound to make you feel insecure & paranoid in future relationships so why be with someone who you know has done that to someone else?

Surely this is the root of the problem here? I can't see this relationship is ever going to work and if I were you, OP, I would end it & find someone who hasn't got a history of cheating on his partners.

You sound like a puritan when you use the word "unacceptable". Youre 44 not 84. Let him have his fun and hopefully he will get a massive hangover and feel like crap. You mention strip bars but do you know for sure thats the plan?

It sounds as if it's the relationship that is a problem, not the stag holiday.
Men who are going to cheat don't need opportunities like this- as awkward trips to the stationery cupboard at work will attest. You need to address your relationship, if you can't trust your partner why are you together.

I think if you are insecure about what could happen then this isn’t a secure relationship. I doubt my dh would want to do that kind of trip, but if he did I would honestly have no worries. I think you need to have a think about how you feel in the relationship in general, not just because of this trip.

Just putting this here.
It explains everything.

End it, OP!

he says that no other of the men’s partners would react how I am reacting, and it does give me the ick that he has friends who think this is ok to do.

So he's manipulative as well as gross then. It's not just his friends who think it's OK, he does! Bleurgh. Wouldn't be able to bring myself to have sex with a man like that, so it wouldn't be the relationship for me.

The double standard that he'd hate you going but wants to go himself (and is actually pressuring you to let him) is also misogynistic, them there's the sulking. This is not a quality man, OP, get rid of him.

"I'm not sure if I want to be with a man who thinks this kind of stag do holiday is deemed acceptable."

You can have whatever boundaries you want. You don't need everyone else's permission. I think going to a holiday town to go drinking is very normal for a stag do and have no issue with it whatsoever, but how is that relevant to your relationship?

have you watched MFAS ?

I have been to 5 stag do’s in the last 3 years, 2 of them abroad,not one of them involved a strip club or scantily clad women! Perhaps I heed to change my friendship group😉😉🤷‍♂️

I don't think it's the stag do itself, going drinking etc. My DH has been on a few, I wouldn't dream of trying to stop him.

If there were strip clubs/lap dancing or whatever else I would be really upset. Why would I be ok with him watching or doing whatever with naked women??

Just imagining him stood there leering and laughing with his mates would put me right off him.

It would make me see him as a bit of letch and a saddo, particularly at his age. Sounds like him and his mates need to grow up and learn how to respect women.

You’re being paranoid. Perhaps you shouldn’t really be together if you’re that insecure.

The responses here are mental. HE DIDN'T SAY HE'S GOING TO A STRIP CLUB. Op has said she is worried they might because it's a stag do. There's plenty of stag do's that don't do this, and there's no reason to believe that's in the plan other than what OP's anxiety wants her to think.

I don’t know what to say. My “D”P went on a stag do and had a private fully naked dance and then lied about it. It hurt. And it still does. This is despite me saying no strip clubs. There’s been a change in me. I want to walk away but we have kids. It’s really not a small deal. I understand your feelings.

@Brightonkebab he hasn't said he isn't going to them either, and has accused the OP of having too high standards which too me intimates that he will be going to them. I'm sure they are not going to Spain for the architecture.

Stag do's are normal and in all the ones I've been around basically just drinking and taking the mick. It's an over reaction IMHO.