Please help, not sure what to do (Trigger warning SA)

[Pinkpolkadress]

I recently found out that one of my dc (older teen) did something untoward to another of my dc (preteen). This happened three years ago and the dc who did it to their younger sibling does not know that I know.
My child it happened to has asked me not to tell their dad, or to mention it to older dc.
How do I proceed with this? It’s eating me up inside and I’m finding it difficult to think of anything else.
I instinctively feel I need to tell dh, but I know it will blow his world apart.
The child it happened to is fine with the older sibling and has told me they don’t really think about it (but I know they must do otherwise they wouldn’t have told me). We went out last night and they chose to eg. link arms with older sibling, but there is an undercurrent between them - it has been there a long time and now it makes sense. Older dc baits younger dc and it seems like there is a lot of resentment towards younger dc. I guess that could be guilt?
Apparently it only happened once. We have been on a fair few holidays/trips since then, and away to other places where younger dc has chosen to share a room with older dc.
I feel like I should be keeping them apart, but then I am new to this situation whereas younger dc has had years to sit with it. It is so hard to get my head around.
I would really appreciate some advice please. Younger dc has also recently mentioned what happened to two of their school friends, so it feels like an unexploded bomb at the moment.
I have been giving younger dc a lot of cuddles and support, and they said they are okay, but obviously they are young and unaware of the effect this incident might have on them going forward. I would also really appreciate advice on how to best give support in this situation.
As for older dc I am in shock. They are kind, lovely, one of their friends’ trustworthy and steadfast buddies. I just cannot understand that it happened - I feel like I’m living in a nightmare. Younger dc said older dc did not force them to do anything, they asked and younger dc said yes but felt uncomfortable.

@ScrollingLeavesi tried to suggest this to the PP who said this and got a ‘😂’ in response. I don’t know why as there’s nothing funny about any of it, so I feel quite sorry for that poster

OP you say you have made it clear to her that you are "taking it seriously"... how are you doing this? She's only 11, your thoughts of how serious this is is not clear enough for her; she needs to see action. They should NOT be together. If I were you I'd be taking her and booking into a lovely hotel for the weekend, so that she doesn't have to see him at all. I would also be going to the police station and reporting it with her, and giving her copious amounts of praise that she has done amazingly to be able to tell you. Also tell her you are booking her to see a counsellor.

Then take police advice on how to deal with your son.

This. I was about to write the same. I’m a former social services worker and this needs to be reported.

I have two older brothers and this is certainly not normal behaviour.

Even if they were close in age it still wouldn’t have been normal. But the age difference in yours is pretty significant which makes it even worse. Aside from the incest thing it suggests he is attracted to pre-pubescent girls and if he can do that to his sister could do this to someone else in the future if he doesn’t receive treatment and counselling.

OP, I had a few childhood friends abused by older siblings and even at that age we all absolutely knew it wasn’t normal.

All of them have struggled severely with mental health issues as adults and had very dysfunctional relationships.

Please do the right thing - your daughters well-being depends on it.

I'm totally shocked by the kids' ages - that a teen would do this to an 8-year-old girl. That makes it so much worse. He's attracted to young kids. That's psychotic and proper police territory.

It’s an awful situation to be in as a parent. It’s also worth remembering op that it isn’t just your daughter that needs protecting. Your son obviously has a sexual interest in children and he can’t have access to your daughter or any other child.

This is exactly why it needs to be a police matter. He needs his devices taken and checked for material and every child he could have access to in future needs safeguarded.

Again, a 15 year old getting sexual gratification from an 8 year old child is in no way normal. It is criminal.

Hi OP, I hope the talks went as well as they could given the circumstances. Just wanted to leave a hug x

Exactly, we are talking about a teenage boy who was happy to “explore” with a pre-pubescent child. This is just clear abuse and very deviant, troubling behaviour -
not children “experimenting”.

When I was 8 my brothers were 11 and 13 and no way would this have happened.

I had a son of a family friend who was 14/15 lift my skirt up once. He was in the living room with me alone very briefly as me, him,
his younger sibling and my brothers were running in and out of various rooms. I kind of froze and stared at him strangely, then he dropped my skirt after like 2 seconds and didn’t do it ever again. He did it all with a playful grin and kind of laughed when I stared at him as if it was nothing.

Unfortunately I didn’t speak up but now I can see he was testing me. He obviously saw that I was not comfortable and knew that if he went further I would have freaked out.
I was only 8 or 9 but had been around enough older boys including my brothers to know what he did was off. Even the boys my age I was friends didn’t do stuff like that to me. So my guard was immediately up.

Whereas OPs daughter will be more vulnerable to other predators and may struggle to identify abuse in future if this doesn’t get addressed properly, because it will have been normalised in her household .

Hope your coping op