Dating thread 53 - 2025. Cuffing Season

[ElleintheWoods]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
• Develop a thick skin
• Do not invest emotionally too soon
• It's all BS until it actually happens
• Trust your gut instinct
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
• Know your wortH
• If it's not fun, stop
• Loo update is mandatory
• No dating the thread
• Treat others as you'd like to be treated
• Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
• The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
• OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@boxofcats Yes and no. We've been texting and it's been nice. He has a very Jekyll and Hyde personality but I think I have him figured out. Happy to provide full psych evaluation if of interest, haha.

@pinkneonsign Personally I love to message with someone, but then also I am very written communication oriented. I would say 1-2 weeks til a date as I'd want to get to know them properly and see how much we have to talk about, but of course everyone is different. How long would you say is too long for you/ when does it get boring? If meeting up never gets mentioned over a couple of weeks, they're either very shy or just on there for attention. Let us know what the new guy is like! Is he deserving of a nickname yet?

@ceci693 Loving your new texting strategy, let us know how it goes down! The brain certainly fills the gaps.

@nervesofcotton Some people just love to chat and text! My phone's certainly full of them... Sometimes I'm not sure what they get out of it... People say the motivation for relationships is 'having someone witness your life', so maybe them sending me a pic of their morning coffee makes them feel seen?

@nosdacariad So it's definitely over? What does he lie about/ how serious was it?

@ElleintheWoods he lied about how long he had been single when we met, whether he could see properly, being on a DMP, how much leave he had left...to me.

Told some shockers about me too.

What is "Loo update" ?? 🤔
"Loo update is mandatory" ?
apologies if I haven't read all the previous dating threads, I'm now curious.

Hello on the new thread! So Mr softy is gone I think. I’m sad but there’s no point if he’s not interested and he’s made it clear he isn’t . I haven’t blocked him yet just in case but even if he came back now I probably shouldn’t have anything to do with him. He just got my sense of humor. Don’t think anyone else has yet and I’ve chatted to loads of them.
anyway no point thinking about him - Mr big dog is still texting me but it’s getting boring. We need to meet up but he has full custody of his kids so is very busy. He wants to phone again which is a stopgap: I’m wary of all this texting - what will we talk about in person ??!! Need to meet him soon.

there’s one other guy who I thought was flaky but keeps coming back - I’m not sure about him though- I need to meet him but he’s always hiking. I thought he might ask me out on a weeknight as he lives pretty near but not yet. I’ll call him Mr flaky though that’s probably not entirely fair 😀😀😀

then there’s a guy I met last night who seems keen but he’s very boring: on text anyway. And can’t spell which shouldn’t matter but kinda does! I need to meet him though I feel like he might be nice in real life. He seems genuine . I feel mean but I’ll call him Mr boring ! He’s sweet though I think

feels like a bit of a job at the moment - I spend a certain amount of time liking and matching and then chatting. The texting can be so boring though . One guy kept asking me why did I like his profile / was it his smile . Fishing for compliments. Think I will block him. Others just make zero effort . I don’t bother with those . One called me babe in like the 3rd message and I called him out on it! It was funny but then he stopped replying so hey ho

How much is to much 3 weeks in. And do you offer to pay towards or expect the man to pay

Checking in to the new thread, as although I'm not currently actively OLD, will probably go back on again at some point next year. Also secretly hoping to meet a lovely man IRL, especially as my EXDP has started sniffing around again, so I need a proper distraction!

Plus I love love, and hopefully will see some success stories to inspire me 😍😍😍

Oh girls I met a lovely lovely man last night we just hit it off straight away. The banter is there and he seems great. Am gonn call him Mr Francais as he ended our chat in French - oh lord I was weak at a the knees 😆 I really don’t want to get too attached though after Mr softy. Am trying to be sensible . Really don’t want to mess this one up.

Mr big dog is getting attached I think - he asked me was I chatting to anyone else. I feel a bit sorry for him cos I mean we haven’t even met yet. And a bit guilty. Am I mean to keep the chat going if I think there’s only a small chance I would want anything with him. I mean I won’t know for sure until I meet him

@Nosdacariad how long were you together?

@RavenFinch I don’t make the rules! But I assume it’s posting on the thread from the loo while on a first date? Yet to see that here though!

@Ceci693 You seem to have a fair few guys interested! But what are you actually looking for? For example, would you be open to dating a guy that has very little time?

@Fluffypotatoe123987 we had a debate about this on the previous thread. Some ladies expect guys to pay first few dates, some go 50/50 from date one. What’s your situation, what feels like too much?

@Starseeking With the winter outings, you might meet someone IRL before you even get to OLD… Is there a particular reason why you wanted to take a bit of a break? Breaks generally tend to do us a world of good.

Exciting times @Ceci693 Mr Francais sounds promising x

Mr Elusive has proven too elusive for me. I’ve been chatting to a couple of others this week, one is more friendly vibes, the other was getting too much and nearly sent me a photo I didn’t want so I’m ignoring him and hoping he’ll go away.

I’m supposed to be meeting up with a different one tomorrow night, we both agreed we didn’t want to send endless texts and would rather meet so let’s see xx

@Ceci693 sorry about Mr Softy. Mr Flaky may have potential.

@RavenFinch I think loo update is posting about your date during your date when you pop to the loo?

@ElleintheWoods two and a half years. He has been a knob since I called him on the latest fib.

@Fluffypotatoe123987 too much is what feels too much to either person I guess?

@Starseeking don't go there! I did and and it didn't end well 😅

Yes, RavenFinch Giving a quick thread update whilst you are in the loo!

I did this once when the date was going well & I was happy

I think they can sense if you’re too into them. Like Mr big dog I like him but wouldn’t be too upset if he called it a day - and he is always texting me . Then if there’s one I really like I have to stop myself reaching out all the time and try not to watch my phone 🤣I’m excited to see how you get on tonight @PinkNeonSignis that your first date IRL

following!

Thanks for the new thread @ElleintheWoods

Tell us more about this guy. What’s the plan for the date? Hope it goes well!

@Ceci693

Oh they definitely can. But so can you with guys, right? Eg if someone is being too flexible or chatting too much?

I tend to not play games, eg if I’m on my phone and not busy, I’ll text back swiftly. And if I’ve put my phone away for the evening, they may not hear from me before lunchtime next day. But now I try to mirror their behaviour more, that also gets rid of the not-super-keen ones. If I’m honest my biggest fear in dating is ending up with someone that isn’t completely mesmerised by me and just keeping me on the rota.

Talking of which, not sure what to about Mr RedFlagParade 🚩 now. His messaging after sex is a bit weird, he’s messaging things like ‘good morning x’ but not saying much. I’d probably see him again as he gives great cuddles but also no great loss if I don’t as he’s not a long-term prospect. Plus I’m basically his therapist now so… 😆

Looking into the weekend, I might have a “date” with Mr RedWine. That one really confuses me. We’re supposed to be friends and have been a while, but he is forever suggesting I sleep over in his spare room, or go on a weekend away with him. I’m just getting the vibe he wants more, he is introducing me to lots of his family and friends etc.

Have also been asked out by Mr Artist (different person to Mr Artistic) but I’m not sure I should go as I’m really not interested, other than that it could be an interesting conversation.

Some of my conversations getting boring now too. A few of the guys live in a different city to me and basically can’t fathom the idea of leaving London to take me on a date. Yet continue texting and trying to flirt.

The dreamy Mr Volleyball also seems dead in the water. We just exchange professional emails atm. Had a call the other day and it was nice and smiley but perhaps we both realise it’s not a realistic relationship to pursue and the initial giddiness from spring/ summer has gone.

Basically my best option and the one I like most is Mr RedFlagParade 🚩 and that says a lot!

Ok I have paid for nothing.

Walk and drink
Comedy club and hotel
Takeaway
Bouldering
A halloween event and airbnb
Fireworks event
Escape room
Oh and paris in a month.
Ive paid for 0

@ElleintheWoods we matched last night. He was good to chat to, flirty but respectful. We both said we don’t like the continual texting about how your day as going etc…so we quite quickly made arrangements to meet for a drink tomorrow night. We’ll have to agree a time - he’s checking cause he works in hospitality but we’ll see. Nothing resting on it really, it’s just nice after a crap marriage that somebody is taking an interest x

@ElleintheWoodsi admire you for being able to stay detached with MrRedFlag. If I sleep with a guy I get very invested and attached I can’t help it - or maybe I can learn to detach more🤣the messages with Mr big dog are becoming very routine. I think I’ll have to call a halt soon. Was hoping he would meet this weekend but he hasn’t mentioned it and I’m busy on sat now so - will see I guess. Don’t see the point in continuing to message banal messages when essentially he’s still a stranger . Mr francais said he’d txt tonight so will see. Have no desire to txt him so that’s good and a relief for me!!! In that I don’t want to mess anything up by being too keen

@PinkNeonSignit is lovely to have some positive attention isn’t it even if it doesn’t go anywhere hope it goes well tmw

@ElleintheWoods Well it would be rude not to get another cuddle 🤗

@Ceci693 Best of luck with Mr francais I hope this one works out. It was a pity about Mr Softly

@PinkNeonSign Best of luck with the date

As for my dating life or lack of it's not great. I have this one guy who I've been texting on and off over the last 7 or 8 months but never met due to distance but I've seen a different side of him recently and he surprised me. I kinda had him out of the running due to distance. He's 3 hours away let's call him Mr Kickboxer so yea I dont know if it's pointless proceeding with him.

Other than him not texting any one else. I'm on the apps but not vibing with anyone of any potential.

But I was out at the weekend and got a few offers but unfortunately from very young men like 19 and 20 which was quite depressing I must say but it is what it is.

@Kat888 18-19?! How old are you? Think I've said in the thread before, it seems to be much trendier now for young guys to chat up women older than them. I had an 18-year-old ask for my number some time ago, thought it was hilarious. I wonder where it's all come from?

What's that different side to Mr Kickboxer that you've seen? I'm assuming it's a positive one? How did you meet?

@Ceci693 Is it worth you angling whether they are actually on there to go on dates? I don't mean asking directly 'take me out', but maybe steering the conversation to 'so, have you had much luck on here?' or 'what kind of dates do you usually like' or another way to basically set them up to ask. If they don't bite, they may not be on there to date.

@PinkNeonSign sounds great going on a date asap then! Will be nice to dip your toe in and see how it goes.

@Fluffypotatoe123987 Wow! That's quite the haul haha... Is there some kind of power imbalance? E.g. is he exceptionally wealthy compared to you? Or are you a little bit out of his league, so to speak, does he feel like he needs to woo you with money?

OMG we have a bombshell. Mr RedFlagParade 🚩 has just asked me to go watch him play football on Saturday. That's... Like serious girlfriend territory, unless he intends to hide me away in some far corner and pretend like he doesn't know me afterwards! His texts after sex have been totally... Respectful, maybe even a tad cold, very much the 'morning babe x' sort.

@Ceci693 I'm finally at a stage where I find t hard to get attached to guys. To be honest it'll take someone that connects with me at every level to commit. Plus I'm also a bit avoidant and seems I'm embracing that side of me for now.

@ElleintheWoods oh I'm loving the new update. He's shaking things up a bit..maybe he's just playing cool.

So I'm 34 and I've had this a lot especially when I go on nights out. It's definitely a thing as it happens to my other single friend too.I think it's porn sadly.

So I met Mr Kickboxer on a dating app and we have moment's where we'll chat for a day or two and then not speak for 5 or 6 weeks and that's ok because we're far away but when we do we seem to vibe. But he recently reached out again and it's different he seems more interested but I could be wrong of course. I find him interesting always have, he does his own thing and is very like me. He surprised me by the way he's worked on himself, he seems to be emotionally intelligent and knows what he wants but the distance has always put me off so I'm unsure what to do.