Dating thread 53 - 2025. Cuffing Season

[ElleintheWoods]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
• Develop a thick skin
• Do not invest emotionally too soon
• It's all BS until it actually happens
• Trust your gut instinct
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
• Know your wortH
• If it's not fun, stop
• Loo update is mandatory
• No dating the thread
• Treat others as you'd like to be treated
• Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
• The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
• OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@ElleintheWoods
oh wow , that is some Bombshell
he really must like you
how exciting .

@ElleintheWoodsthat is a big update! So I take it you’re going to go?

so I got asked out on my first date- guess which one………… Mr flaky lol. He’s growing on me we have a bit of banter going . Not this weekend as we both away but the next one. So see if it actually happens I guess before getting my hopes up. He’s been v attentive today tho so will see.

no sign of Mr francais. He said he isn’t on the apps very much though. Kinda wish we had exchanged phone numbers now but anyway he knows how to contact me if he wants to so…

Mr big dog is turning out to be very nice . I feel we are more friends at this point though. No date suggestion yet. What’s he waiting for. Though he knows I’m away this weekend so maybe he waiting for next week.

Excellent news @ElleintheWoods

@Ceci693 great that MrFlaky has asked you out on a date.

I spoke on the phone to the one I’m seeing tomorrow (let’s call him MrCreative as he had a creative job) he was cool, I hope it goes ahead.

The very handsome one I matched with yesterday (let’s call him MrRedhead) has messaged a few times and given me his number for WhatsApp. I’m a bit worried I’m going to get scammed. If it looks too good to be true, it probably is right?!

@Kat888 I best not develop a soft spot for him! He’s got that player ‘me? I’ve got 8 girls texting me non-stop’ exterior. But peel that top layer off and he’s just a little boy lost that wants someone to listen and understand him and be gentle with him. He’s quite vulnerable and fragile.

I’m similar age and it’s happened to me. Yes, you’re probably right. Talking of which, is it impossible to find a guy under 40 who isn’t really influenced by porn? My exes prior to last few years had none of those porn behaviours, they were really present and gentle. But I’ve not met anyone since my LTR ended that doesn’t want to pull hair etc on first encounter.

Is it worth fishing for a date with him? Or is 3 hours too infeasible for what you’re looking for?

@PinkNeonSign @Ceci693 @librauk I’ve given a tentative ‘I’ll check my schedule’ type of response. I don’t want to put myself into a having to ‘kick a puppy’ situation. Thought I’d made it obvious from the start I didn’t see this as a relationship, but I also did say I still expect to be treated nicely and looking for real connection, so maybe that’s him doing that? Which I’m not opposed to. He’s not from here so he may not see it as a big thing, foreign guys tend to invite flings along to things. But I imagine his friends will be there, so…

Congrats on the lined up dates!

@PinkNeonSign Good-looking people are often quite insecure, needing approval and looking for a connection with someone that sees them as more than looks. I’d say if you want to develop it, don’t say much about his looks, he hears it all the time, and ask deep questions about the person underneath.

Not sure how romance scams aimed at women are on apps? I know for men they’re super common

Have you offered?

@PinkNeonSign whatsapp is normal

@Ceci693 exciting!

@ElleintheWoods you are sooo wise xxx

MrX stopped being a dick but he also told me with complete lack of self awareness that he told a fat lie to his sister.

While this = notmycircusnotmymonkeys it also tells me he has not changed.

How many guys are you all talking to. Another one messaged me this morning. I guess it’s ok to be talking to a few before deciding … I feel a bit bad but then again I haven’t actually met any of them so I don’t owe them anything ? Would you agree

Ceci they will probably be chatting to a few 😉

@Ceci693 Erm... Had a look at my phone to count just for a laugh, in the last 7 days, 12 guys. Not properly engaging with them all but that's inbound messages with some back and forth.

Not sure the mentality of having to choose one stranger to exclusively chat to without meeting them in suited to OLD. It's a little bit like being at a party or speed dating, you'll fleetingly bump into a few people, some you'll briefly chat to, 1-2 you might find more interesting. Unless you've at least gone on a date with one and really like them, and there's established mutual interest, it's just talking to a stranger online. What makes a stranger earn exclusive access to your time and headspace? Have they really done anything to deserve investment and commitment, bar a few text messages?

Imagine if you go one at the time, it might take 3-4 weeks to chat to them, go on a date and decide they aren't for you. That could result in a long hard slog online! Plus ley's be honest, most of these guys aren't even invested in as much as making a first date happen.

Personally I chat to as many guys I like up until the point I am properly catching feelings for someone and exclusively want to be with him. It happens quite naturally for me - e.g. if someone asks me out, and I'm taken by that special person, I just don't feel interested. So I know what my 'stop chatting to other guys' trigger is and usually that's a few dates and proper bonding time in, if not longer.

@Nosdacariad You seem convinced he's a wrong 'un... Would you be brave enough to cut him off?

@ElleintheWoods I already did, back in July. I should. I will. He's not suitable.

Bit of a depressing night on bumble. One guy got narky when I wouldn’t video call so he could spank me 🙈he blocked me before I could block him !! Creep. The ones I wanted to message didn’t and the ones I’m not interested in are keen - whhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyy 😆

@PinkNeonSigndid you have your date tonight

Hi @Ceci693 sorry you’re having a rough night on Bumble.

I did meet up with someone. He was amazing! Creative, flamboyant, not my usual type, we had a right laugh. I just don’t think we fancied each other but it was a lush experience nonetheless. Makes me realise how hot the chemistry with Mr Elusive was though and I’m sad that he didn’t want me.

Despite my reservations about MrRedhead being a scam artist, he has been messaging today. He asked for more photos which I wasn’t sure about but I sent a couple, not sure if I should have.

There is also MrEngineer, we don’t live that close he says he likes a road trip! X

@ElleintheWoods I think with Mr Kickboxer I need to live in reality, while I think he's a good one I just don't think it's viable. He has actually asked me to meet him in a few weeks but I'm having second thoughts. Even if we get on etc it's just a non starter as I'll never move there so it's like I don't want to even bother beginning anything. It's a pity but I need to be realistic, there's a reason I always had him out of the running and it's the distance and always will be so I guess just flirty friends is all we'll ever be.

Re the porn thing I unfortunately think many of them are too caught up in it. The stuff I've been asked just in the few messages were gross.

Let us know if you go watch him play soccer..

@PinkNeonSign I’m not sure about asking for photos / the others will have more experience but I don’t think he should be asking for photos at this stage?? Glad you had a nice evening - maybe this one will be a slow burner and grow on you …?

@Kat888 the distance wouldn’t bother me but I’m a lot older than you and looking for different things. I mean it might be worth a meet up ??? Who knows ?

PinkNeonSign The photo thing is personal choice. Obviously be careful what kind of photos you send. I tend to just go with my gut on that one. If we've moved to WhatsApp & the chat it going well, I sometimes send a 'This is me today' photo, & hope that they will send one back!

When I won't send one, is if they ask me & we are still on the App. I tend to say 'I have selfies & full length photos on my profile, I'm not sending any more' & if they aren't happy with that then they are gone.

I'm glad that you had a lovely evening, are you going to see him again? Do you think the romantic side might grow or no chance?

Kat888 I'm like you with the distance, if I decide that it's too far then it's one of those things I just can't get past.

Ceci693 Haha, that's always the way it goes!

Re paying for dates - it’s a personal choice but I think it’s pretty poor manners not to even offer to contribute. I couldn’t sit on my hands and let him pay without even offering.

It also depends on the date - dinner most men pay for first date but I think it’s still the right thing to offer. Drinks/coffee - if they get first round, I would insist I got the second.

I really couldn’t respect myself if I let someone pay for me continually.

As for photos, I have always said no. I don’t get the ‘send me a selfie at work’ thing. I’d rather just meet face to face but then I’ve never sent photos even in a LTR- I just don’t see point.
And it usually starts as a ‘send me a selfie if you at work’ and quickly ends up as ‘send me a naked photo’ - best not to start

Gosh new thread and a lot to catch up on, I have been busy with work this week so a bit absent!

@ElleintheWoodsWow, that’s quite a development. Have you “checked your schedule” and given him a yes or no yet? When’s the game?

@Ceci693Sorry to hear it didn’t work out with Mr Softy. Onwards and upwards though! I must say as someone who never did OLD until relatively recently, it took me a while to get my head around the idea of messaging multiple people at once. I think it’s safe to assume almost everyone you message will be doing the same. And it can also help with not getting too attached to one person before you’ve actually met.

@PinkNeonSignAhhh that’s a shame you and your date didn’t fancy each other. I do think chemistry is either there or not, I’ve personally never experienced a slow burn. What is it about MrRedhead that makes you think he’s a scammer?

My Mr Nomad is still working 12-hour days in his town 2 hours away for the next 2 weeks or so, but is still saying that as soon as he can get away from work he’ll come up to see me (the downside of running a business is there’s no one else to cover!). He’s still making a lot of effort to keep in touch daily despite the hectic schedule.

Today marks one month since we met in person. It’s definitely too soon to ask if we’re an item yet, but it’s feeling really nice still.

Hi @BoxOfCats i knew I didn’t fancy my date when he was crossing the road to meet me. Absolutely nothing wrong with him, just not for me.

I don’t know about Mr Redhead, his profile was a bit strange and the photos looked a bit filtered. He’s also got a name that’s a bit posh for round our way and he’s ridiculously handsome. Then he asked to move to WhatsApp more or less straight away. He’s been chatting since though, he seems quite normal. When he asked for photos I just said ‘really…I look exactly the same in all of them’ and sent a couple I’ve already got on facebook. He’s not replied to that though so maybe it wasn’t right.

Just realised the photos I’ve sent aren’t really recent, and one’s got the date on it of 2021 which he’ll be able to see. Shouldn’t have tried to be clever 🙈

Hello, came across this thread and thought I'd hop in if that's ok 🙂 separated over one year and only just started dating recently.

Currently in very similar situation to you @BoxOfCats in that I'm dating someone 2 hours away, only next week will mark 4 weeks from meeting!

Not dating anyone else currently as I've a young child, quite simply don't have the energy. Met someone who was lovely a few months ago but he went abroad and well just stopped replying one day after saying he wanted to see me again 😂 nothing remotely controversial happened, looking back he wasn't for me anyway.

Looking forward to hearing about everyone else's journeys 😊

@PinkNeonSignHaha oh dear! Maybe he won’t notice? Wonder what would happen if you asked for pics of him in return?

@duvetday0006 Welcome! How are you finding it dating someone that far away? And wow I can’t believe someone just stopped replying to you. I can understand if you haven’t met someone in person, but I do think once you’ve met someone in real life it’s just a basic courtesy to at least say something if you don’t wish to continue.

@BoxOfCats thank you 😊 tbh it's something I never thought I'd do, but he didn't make a big thing of the distance when we first matched, so I just thought well, why not and let it happen ❤️ I'd rather date him than find someone new who lived closer. If you don't mind me asking, had you been chatting for long before you met up? Took us about 7-8 weeks.

As for the first guy..one date, months and months ago, he was great, very gentlemanly, admittedly his photos were old and he was slightly rougher around the edges than he presented himself as online (think tall dark and very handsome) , but I would have seen him again, he said himself it was lovely and I agreed. Lo and behold, him going abroad, six weeks of us chatting and being silly/flirty over text and he was off! That part was for the best 👍 I'll update if he ever makes a reappearance 🤣

Wow, 6 weeks of chatting and he just stopped replying! I wish people could just say how they feel and have hard conversations when they need to. It would save everyone so much time and grief.

Mr Nomad and I didn’t chat for all that long before meeting. I actually didn’t intend to date anyone outside my city either, having been burned earlier in the year by dating a guy 2 hours away, who then decided right after we slept together that he wasn’t up for a long distance relationship after all 🙄

Mr Nomad (current guy I’m dating) and I matched while he was up in my city for the weekend 6 weeks ago. I joke that he snuck past my location filters! To be fair, he did say straight away that he didn’t live in my city so didn’t hide that part. We had a video chat about a week after we matched, the chemistry was there in spades and he offered to drive up for a date the following weekend. Turns out the chemistry was off the scale in person, we really hit it off and so now here we are now a month later!

The catch is that he doesn’t have a permanent residence anywhere, he runs a seasonal business 2 hours away for a few months of the year (which is now) and then travels the rest of the year while doing ad hoc property development on the side. So from mid Dec he will be elsewhere in the country (a couple of hours’ flight - I’m not in the UK), and then after that likely travelling abroad for a bit. Hence the name Mr Nomad, and also why I’m doing my best to just enjoy it for what it is and not catch too many feelings. It’s proving difficult though!

@BoxOfCats that's awful about the long distance guy😱

Mr Cars is getting the "no connection" message as he's not been in touch for a few days and is stuck on transmit (zero questions)

Mr Skaterboy has some potential🛼