Dating thread 53 - 2025. Cuffing Season

[ElleintheWoods]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
• Develop a thick skin
• Do not invest emotionally too soon
• It's all BS until it actually happens
• Trust your gut instinct
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
• Know your wortH
• If it's not fun, stop
• Loo update is mandatory
• No dating the thread
• Treat others as you'd like to be treated
• Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
• The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
• OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@soupsong I just joined a few weeks ago too, it’s daunting but it’s not been as bad as I thought. I’m just on Tinder and it’s not what I expected at all, lots of different people all
with their own reasons for being there x

Thanks @PinkNeonSign. I know nothing about these apps apart from the stereotypes.
I assumed Tinder was just for hook ups 😳

I met my ex at 18 (I’m now 54) and am so scared of players/psychos!

There’s a site called OurTime which is specifically for over 50’s but you can only message if you pay to subscribe.

To say it’s not great is an understatement. Put it like this, I paid for a months subscription and deleted my account after 4 days - it was pretty grim

Oh God! Are they all as bad? I’ve heard it’s a very shallow pool for anyone over 40

@soupsong
agree with @TwistedWonder, our time, is a waste of time
same company as match, which you , have to subscribe to get anywhere.
i flit between, Tinder(which has improved )Bumble ,and POF, these can all be used for free, and without deleting the apps , you can pause . Through the settings.@KittyCorncrake
i have not come across any scammers for along time, but they are pretty obvious , especially on Bumble, with the good looks and locations . And any one you may know or not your type, just block em, you will not see the profile again.

Thanks @librauk
next mission to try and take a reasonable profile pic 🤦‍♀️

If you’re on FB that’s got a dating section now which is separate to your main profile so you can’t be seen by anyone you’re friends with - it’s free so worth a try

I agree that trying FB dating is a good first step. I’ve had a lot of matches and a few dates from there. I do think a lot more guys match and don’t chat compared to other sites so do be prepared.
I like that you can see if you have mutual friends in common. I tend to judge positively if they know someone I have a lot in common with. As opposed to X’s weird brother who’s always drunk etc. You can also ask your friends what they’re like.
Wish I’d screened one of the other matches better. Just said my DD is away at the moment and he’s asked if she’s in prison?!? No she’s with her grandma for the holidays. Wtf?

Just go for it @soupsong I suppose I’m still in the bit where I’m finding it all quite interesting. The attention is nice and I’m not reading too much into anything x

😂😂😂prison!!!! 😂😂😂

Haha I think you’re spot on about Mr Charismatic! He replied to my reply. Before I broke contact, I was getting short replies every 24 hours. Last night he replied pretty much straight away, a proper reply with an actual photo of himself (accepting an award he won recently). He’s in a suit and looks amazing too. Leaving him on read for now.

Mr X - yep understood, no judgement here! At least you know that’s what he’s doing!

Haha yes, I sent it with a note teasing him about something he did recently so I guess we will see!

Good question about how one shows vulnerability. My ex (who I met on Hinge) told me that on our first date he was a bit intimidated by me until I happened to mention (when we were talking more broadly about confidence) that I’d cried after my first day of work in my current job as I thought I couldn’t do it . I have a corporate job that he perceived as quite high powered, and he said he had thought I came across as someone who had all my shit together. Which I mostly do, but I definitely have my moments of self doubt.

I guess people show vulnerability in different ways, but I do think guys can suffer a bit from their own self doubt issues underneath whatever confident exterior they project, and ultimately just want to know you’re someone who they can relate to.

@soupsong @KittyCorncrake Welcome! Out of interest, are there any men from your past where you're curious 'hmmm I wonder what they're up to now?' You never know who's getting divorced at the same time! Also, I know it's a personal choice (personally I don't use social media for personal updates), but if you have Facebook, do you make it obvious on your profile you're no longer married? From what I know, men in your age range tend to keep an eye on such things, and you may get the odd surprising message.

@BoxOfCats Excited to hear his reaction! Will be a lovely treat during a busy period for sure.

Uff, I'm probably useless at being vulnerable in that way. I'm guessing we're in similar jobs. I'm bad at showing what could be perceived as weakness unless it's severe and/or I trust the person. But looking back, whenever I have shown weakness and struggle in front of guys, that has made them weirdly attached, whereas I thought they'd think I was crazy and run away... But it doesn't come naturally to me.

I do unfortunately get quite attracted to guys that have self doubt issues. And it doesn't tend to work well. Not joking, I massively had the hots for a guy last year and he did for me, too. It was blatantly obvious, everyone knew. We dated for a short while... His conclusion from the whole thing was that I 'inspired him to go away and work on himself, get a better job and experience more of the world' - which he actually did! 😂😂😂

Have you had similar experiences, where you fancy someone who struggles with who you are?

However my strategy now is just to be myself, whereas I used to try shrinking myself. If they can't handle my real self, it's just not going to work.

Mr RedFlagParade 🚩is away at a busy training camp but has been texting me daily. Not loads but little bits consistently, feels like I'm on his mind. It's cold and dark out there so I might go back for a 2nd round of cuddles. Telling that from a bunch of available guys, the best one is called Mr RedFlagParade 🚩, isn't it! 😂Going to do a little cull this week as some guys are getting so mundane now. At least he isn't boring, we have the craziest conversations.

@ElleintheWoods no and absolutely no! 😂

@ElleintheWoodsat least you are getting some action! Am fed up texting that leads nowhere .

disappointing evening - after having lots of flirty texting all day with Mr flaky he has lived up to his name - he hinted at a date on Saturday - but when i said so are we going out on sat he said he was meeting some mates and I was welcome to join them and bring a single friend . Or …. He could meet me alone on 15 November . Yeh not really the vibe I was going for. Should I dump him . Been texting for 10’days now…. The exciting ones are so flaky aren’t they.

Mr old did message me but is sick and quite miserable

Mr Russian said hi tonight but has disappeared since I replied and have heard nothing else r

it seems so hard to get to a real date. Frustrating

Oh forgot to say I let Mr big dog down as gently as I could but he wants to be friends and still wants to meet and has opened up a bit tonight but admitted he didn’t know if he had time for a relationship

Hope you don’t mind the perspective of a non regular poster commenting here @Ceci693.

Id say bin off Mr Flaky…. Him suggesting you meeting him and friends, and bringing a friend along suggests he’s just looking for a fun time (spoiler alert, the “fun” men are never much fun!) and if he’s not free again for over 2 weeks, it doesn’t bode well for his capability to build something solid. Sounds like his priority will always be his mates and women will have to fit around this. I have an uncle who is in his 60s who is much the same, to our surprise he has never been short of women trying to tie him down, but he’s always very honest that the pub, football and friends come first… he’ll never change!

As for Mr Dog. Sounds like a noble guy but unless you’re willing to resign yourself to always having nights at home together (how does one even begin to arrange care for 8 dogs and children?!) then it’s probably good to cut it off now. There’s plenty of women out there who are happy to be at home all the time, but if that’s not you (and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that!) then give him a pass.

@justsurvivingnotthrivingthanks for the input much appreciated . Yeh that is my instinct about Mr flaky as well. I will prob just ghost him he deserves it but knowing what I know of him it prob won’t bother him.

no Mr big dog only has 1 dog - a very large one 🤣but he does have sole custody of his 3 teens. Surprisingly he has completely come out of his shell tonight and is being very amusing and funny - he thinks his friend might like me he’s going to set us up/ we are having a great laugh . Weird!!!

Ceci693 I agree get rid of Flaky. Mr Big Dog sounds nice although personally I'd be wary of meeting him as friends in case I fancy him (as that would be typical of me!) & then he doesn't want a relationship.

Regarding seeing people you know on the Apps, I don't, generally, but I once had a break from Bumble then when I went back on the very first photo was my ex, then the second was my sister's ex! Was the weirdest evening!

soupsong VERY hard to do, but try not to overthink the photo(s), I used to be on a site where if somebody 'liked' your photo then it stayed visible to everybody. I changed them every few months so was able to get a good idea of the photos that the men liked.

I had one where I had a low cut dress on, this had the most likes! One where I had my heavy eye make-up on, for an evening out, this got the second most amount of likes, (day to day I don't wear makeup at all)

But then after those, it was the ones where I'd think 'Oh I'm really not sure about this one' but the men seemed to like them!

So my approach now is 'As long as I don't look completely awful, then it goes on, as I might not like it, but others might'.

Ahhh sorry! @Ceci693- I’m following a few similar dating threads and there was a poster who was speaking to a man with 8 dogs so I got you confused 😂! Sole custody of 3 teens is commendable but may still be an issue down the line. Great that he’s come out of his shell and if he has a lovely mate then it could be very promising!

@ElleintheWoods Interesting, are you also quite independent and hate relying on others for anything? If so we sound quite similar! Although maybe what you see as weirdly attached, is them just feeling a connection with you because they feel like they can relate to you?

My last relationship (18 months, which ended at the start of this year) I fell for him massively but I don’t think he ever truly accepted me for who I am. So I am trying this year to be better at just being who I am and if someone doesn’t like it, too bad, it wasn’t meant to be. I don’t think ex ever actually quite got over my job in the end, he acted as if I had some kind of ultra human super powers.

It’s hard for me to stick to though - actually there was a point recently where I found myself explaining to Mr Nomad that I wasn’t as neurotic as what I felt might be coming across, and he was like, “Don’t worry, it’s not a job interview!”. Which was quite refreshing to hear from someone, as well as a good reminder that it doesn’t really matter - I just am who I am.

Hello 👋, are men allowed to join this thread ?

Hello, @BeAppleNow, every one is welcome .

@BoxOfCats Mr Nomad comes out on top again! What’s his own temperament and attitude to life like?

In my last relationship I pretended to be someone I wasn’t for a long time and it didn’t work out great for my life satisfaction. He was quite insular and I’m more of a social butterfly, always going somewhere/ doing something, likes making connections etc. Now I’m living my authentic life, really happy, but doing it solo. So when I meet someone I’d rather be authentic.

Yes I’m quite independent as well like you describe. Where do you think that’s come from? Are you used to living away from family/ friends?

I think my moments of vulnerability have been more related to having a mini crisis/ difficult life stage. There might be a guy who I’m dating, or not even dating, who I open up to this issue about, and they’re really supportive, of course they essentially fix it, eg get me a new job, house, whatever… And then they’re suddenly acting like they’re in love, super protective etc. So I wonder if men secretly like the damsel in distress act! Personally I’d have thought they’d find it off putting.

@soupsong welcome!

@ElleintheWoods I don't think you should show vulnerability you don't feel, the right guy will not be scared off by your awesomeness

@BeAppleNow welcome

Nothing doing here, MrSkaterboy failed to skate then popped up with a three word Saturday suggestion. I'm semi arranging to do an alumni event then so it's a no but also semi hoping MrX comes good. The latter being a long shot as he hasn't in three years!!

Also there is Mr Copper (ex polis a no no?)