Dating thread 53 - 2025. Cuffing Season

[ElleintheWoods]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
• Develop a thick skin
• Do not invest emotionally too soon
• It's all BS until it actually happens
• Trust your gut instinct
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
• Know your wortH
• If it's not fun, stop
• Loo update is mandatory
• No dating the thread
• Treat others as you'd like to be treated
• Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
• The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
• OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Yes please.

He was a terrible partner but good at hugs x

@BoxOfCats I'll join in with the exorcism! And when we've sorted Nosdacariad out I've got a ghost of my own that needs banishing 😂

@Nosdacariad it's awful how the wrong men get stuck in your head, I wish there was an easy fix! At least Mr Sparks was a gentleman, will you be seeing him again?

My date was very much ok, but to be honest I wasn't on top form myself so I'm partly to blame. I ended the date a bit abruptly as I had a terrible headache and couldn't focus. He said "maybe we'll see each other again" but hasn't messaged. Can't say I blame him!

@Kaltenzahn who's the ghost?

My date last weekend was such hard work I had my head in my hands at one point so I get calling it early.

Probably will see Mr Sparx if he's keen. Not sure about the whole politics thing.

@Nosdacariad My ghost isn't even a proper ex, which makes it even more silly. We were friends for a long time, talked daily on the phone but live a good distance apart. He was always saying he loved me and wished there was less distance so we could make a go of it, I said I was willing to put the effort in and give long distance a go but turns out he was bluffing as he freaked out and found a bunch of other excuses why it wouldn't work. I think he was using me as a long distance therapist/emotional support system with no intention of ever having anything real.

As annoying as it is, I'm still yet to meet someone I can talk to as easily and I compare men I date to him. I cut all 1to1 contact but we have mutual friends so can't cut him off completely. Very irritating!

Ah @Nosdacariad sending hugs, it’s awful, I cried for my ex husband after my first date with MrElusive, I think it was just the frustration that I wanted him to be better so I wouldn’t have needed to put myself through this. Maybe MrSparx can make you feel better?

@bluedabadeedabadoo good news re MrPsychologist.

Im in a mess now, flakey MrMaths is back on the scene as though nothing is wrong maybe it isn’t and I’m overreacting. New
match MrRockstar sounds cool and wants to meet next weekend, might go and see what he’s about 😀

@Kaltenzahn the one that got away?

@PinkNeonSign this may not help but my new rule is to give the benefit of the doubt ONCE 😁

The politics thing is definitely something to think about.

I must admit Mr Reform has been quite actively pursuing me and my friends keep saying why not go on a few dates and see how it goes. Thing is even though I hate his political view he’s the most attractive and charismatic man I’ve bet in years plus (call me shallow) he’s quite loaded

I am seriously debating a meaningless fling. He’s in Bali at mo so got time to have a think

Thanks @PinkNeonSignfrustrating to hear about Mr Maths!

@BoxOfCatsthanks

@Nosdacariadglad the date with Mr Maths went relatively well. Is the politics issue a deal breaker?
Frustrating that Mr X is taking up so much headspace.

Mr Psychologist has been texting today telling me some of the things (sexual) that he enjoyed about last night and asked for a round 3. Again this feels very ‘hook up territory’. I think I’ll go with it as the sex was soo good and just play it by ear. There’s limited time for a proper date now for 2 weeks so I think I’ll go with it this week and potentially next week and then suggest we do something proper the next free weekend.

Eurgh can someone knock some sense into me please?!

Stupidly saw the fireman on new years day (I know, I know). Was definitely more cuddly and chatty that usual and my brain has obviously read too much into it. So I invited him for something to eat and I've once again been left on read.

I'm a 41 year old woman getting hung up on someone who is clearly not interested in anything other than sex what the actual fuck am I doing? Seen him on a lot more of the apps recently which really should give me the ick!

(I do have some other irons in the fire but will report back when I'm over this bit of limerance!)

@bluedabadeedabadoo and @CleanShirt I think you (and me with MrX) are under the spell of sex induced bonding which women get more than men.

Speaking of, @BeAppleNow did you survive, shall we send glucose tablets?

@Nosdacariad I am not enjoying it!

He actually just replied telling me he's working. So I'm just going to attempt not to reply.

Yes please- she absolutely wore me out !
too much for this old man 😂

@Nosdacariad yep I’m very conscious of this. It does annoy me that he has made the point time and time again of seeking a LTR and not FB or FWB but this still feels like FWB and doesn’t feel like he’s trying to invest and build the foundations of a LTR. I don’t know if it’s because saying he wants a LTR is what he thinks I want to hear or whether he does ideally want a LTR but as it stands a FWB suits better and meets his needs more. I think he could be the latter and to be fair I do want a LTR but it’s been such a long time since I’ve had good sex, I think this is what I need right now more than I need to focus on a LTR. I think at least given the vibe he’s giving (albeit I don’t think he’s being honest with himself) I am setting myself realistic expectations. I just want to enjoy it at the minute. The sex was sooo good. I definitely want more and want to experience lots of things with him. I was worried that after sex I’d feel more invested emotionally but I actually don’t. I feel quite good at the minute and definitely feel that there’s a shift in my mindset.
@CleanShirt
@CleanShirt oh sending hugs. That doesn’t sound good. How shitty of him to not even respond! That is just absolutely awful. You deserve more than that x

Oh I hope you’re getting a bit of a rest now!

@bluedabadeedabadoo that's exactly what I wanted with the fireman but he's definitely got into my brain and is just breadcrumbing me now so I know I need to pull away before I get hurt. Definitely realising I can't do casual!

@bluedabadeedabadoo it's good and sounds quite freeing so long as you are observing actions not words 😁

@CleanShirt what a twonk. Sorry xxx

Yes I think you do. There is a difference between casual and a fuck buddy and I think he is treating you as the latter and being very disrespectful with it.
I really need to keep my wits about me with this one as I would have never entered something knowing it was casual as I don’t feel I can do casual either but at this stage I’m happy to see how it goes.

Well yes his actions and words don’t align at all. I’m being very cautious with this one.

Tried Hinge today and swiped on someone who id probably not chat to in real life but who seemed nice by his profile. But the chat is soooooo difficult. What happened to just asking questions/keeping the chat going! I despair sometimes.

Yer I give up straight away in those as it doesn’t tend to get any better!

@bluedabadeedabadoo yup, i deleted though there was a part of me thinking you'd be bloody lucky to date me - make some effort at least! (ie ask me a question)

I've been reading burned haystack. It's really interesting.

I think it’s terrible. Men are relentlessly mocked for not having the perfect syntax and style. They sense of entitlement by the women who comment is cringey The irony is (the author has books to sell) that the players will just adapt And still be players.
The best way to meet a man is just meet men and decide at the meeting. The women who comment on there rule out everyone on some cod science and remain captive fodder to the apps which of course don’t want people to pair up and leave them. 😂

That's an interesting take.