Dating thread 53 - 2025. Cuffing Season

[ElleintheWoods]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
• Develop a thick skin
• Do not invest emotionally too soon
• It's all BS until it actually happens
• Trust your gut instinct
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
• Know your wortH
• If it's not fun, stop
• Loo update is mandatory
• No dating the thread
• Treat others as you'd like to be treated
• Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
• The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
• OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@Nosdacariad I don’t really care how single mine are. Usually they say anyway, eg ‘I got divorced x years ago’. I assume they may be seeing other people. Eg with Mr RedFlagParade I constantly joke about his ‘other women’.

I’m not in the business of doing background checks on anyone or googling.

If I was in a serious relationship with someone, at that point I’d be interested, but it would also be evident, as in, I’d expect to be in their house regularly, know their family or friends, be the one invited to birthday/ Christmas/ other festivities/ important events etc. So would be pretty difficult for them to have a wife/ serious gf on the side simultaneously, unless they’re openly polygamous, which might be fine also depending on what I’m looking for with them

Most guys just want to talk and attend events most of the time anyway, so… Not sure they even have to be single for that

Interesting how we're different. I wouldn't want any part of socialising with a coupled up man that I met through OLD.

As you're meeting IRL I can see that puts a different slant on it.

I check out SM as soon as I can. I find once you move to WhatsApp and you have their number saved, they pop up as people you might know (though my SM is private so they’ll find out nothing about me ha ha)

Im not wasting my time on meeting men who I find out aren’t single. So a sniff of a partner and I’m out. It’s completely against my personal ethics to meet up with an attached man unless it’s a good mate and his partner is fully aware.

I know others are ok with multi dating but at 60 years old it’s not for me. Though I never had enough matches to multi date anyway - I can count the dates i had from OLD on my fingers.

Thanks @TwistedWonder x

Oh if they are coupled up and on OLD, they're most likely looking for an affair, or a penpal.

Sorry, I do realise my comment reads a bit weird. It's just that in my experience adult relationships are complex and a bit messy. E.g. they could be single, but still hanging out with their ex wife regularly (see Will Smith and Jada for example, IME this kind of dynamic is increasingly normal the older we get), could be dating someone for 3-4 months but not serious about them, etc... Could be hung up on someone who won't date them... Could be in a casual long-distance relationship, see the guys BoxOfCats is seeing... It's not so black and white until you know them better, whatever they say or post online isn't necessarily the reality.

For example, I've been dating Mr RedFlagParade casually for a few months now but it's not headed anywhere serious, so if someone asked, I'd say I'm single. If I was into them and they probed deeper, I'd elaborate.

I just don't want to use up headspace to wonder 'who is that Thalia that keeps commenting on their pictures' until that's actually my business. I would expect a guy that's a catch to have other women after them as well.

If you mean coupled up as in married or living with a partner, then yes that's something I'd be more interested in knowing, but that's usually very obvious.

For me, I would ask at the point where it feels like I’m developing feelings for them. So no set point in time really, but at the point where I’m emotionally invested I would want to know they’re not seeing anyone else.

I did end up speaking to Mr Nomad the other day about it - we’ve been seeing each other since September now but still technically not in a relationship and still long distance, which is unlikely to ever change. Neither of us are seeing anyone else, but I told him I’m still struggling with the idea of a casual relationship and if he feels at any point that he wants to be seeing other people, could he at least let me know things aren’t working out with us so I can step aside. And he said yes that’s fair enough.

Thanks @BoxOfCats

I wasn't thinking about casually dating others so much as being in a committed partnership that they were violating x

@ElleintheWoods @Nosdacariad thanks for writing back. Yes its raw but I really dont want this to be it in terms of relationships. @Nosdacariad ive really tried this year, so its been brilliant for work, friendships, jobs, home renovations but inside ive really had to pick myself up as I didn't even look in the mirror. Thankfully I had my kids as without them, id not have gotten up!

@ElleintheWoods i dont really meet anyone as I've wfh so im only really out on the school runs. But you may be right about the apps. I met my ex on a site where we both had lost interest in dating so just started as friends. Like you, the idea that people were there just to date felt a bit fake to me/him. But it was very much like the universe had conspired to get us together and we were incredibly happy. I know im a good partner and I want that again. I have friends who are happy alone and have been single years. I dont want that.

Morning all and Happy New Year!

Any dating resolutions? (She asked, annoyingly)

Mr X popped up to wish me Happy New Year. I shall ignore.

@Eesha Fair point on wfh! But can you do something outside of work? Even if it’s going to places with kids, for example this time of year Xmas markets etc? Or do you sometimes not have your kids and might venture into town etc?

I hardly ever go out and don’t usually meet anyone that way. Usually I meet people in the daytime while out and about. Some of the most random places where I’ve met guys recently where they’ve given me their number have been dry cleaner’s, garage while waiting for a repair, book talk, gallery, B&Q.

@ElleintheWoods you make a really good point there. I tend to only look vaguely presentable when I go out out. However both my hairdresser ana another friend say I should look after myself all the time. My friend looks great all the time and is always 'on'! Maybe 2026 needs to be more on me

@Eesha it's a good reminder not to go out in my disgusting gardening clogs when I'm running errands!

I've heard it all now - man on OLD. What's the diff between horses and ponies...do they both have four legs?!

Ok so decided to reactivate my profile to see if there’s anyone new out there which I do periodically

First message I get ‘sorry for my language but fuck me your photos giving me the horn’ from a 61 year old man!!!

And profile deactivated once again

Oh my Christ!!

Wishing everyone all the best for 2026.

I’ve not been on tinder much for the last few weeks, was giving MrMaths a chance but he’s ditched me today on the grounds he’s not feeling well. I‘m not feeling it so, on to the next.

Got chatting to a guy yesterday who seemed fairly vanilla, 50, father of 2, works in IT, has a toy he’d want to introduce into the relationship that has a name 🙈

@PinkNeonSign horrors! Just read about Pookie or whatever the toy is called!!

@Nosdacariad its depressing, that and flakey/annoying MrMaths drove me back into the arms of MrElusive last night after I’d done such a good job of rebuffing him for the whole of Christmas.

Had a good time but it changes nothing and I’m just waiting for the self-loathing to kick in. Happy 2026. Are you still on for meeting MrSparx

Afternoon everyone. So I’m back from 4 days away and due to see Mr Psychologist tomorrow. It’s been 2 weeks since we last met up. He’s been very communicative this week- morning and good night texts and texts in between too. He’s been initiating more than me. He seemed to be like this on the run up to our last date. I however am feeling a bit unsure and I can’t really put my finger one why. I’m a bit stressed today for a few reasons so it could be more that. He’s also out tonight with a ‘friend’ and said he won’t be texting much (which he doesn’t usually do) which makes me wonder if he’s on a date. But we aren’t exclusive so I suppose that shouldn’t really be an issue. He also said at the start he only dates one person at a time but I suppose I don’t know that that is true.

Hey Pink & Blue!

@PinkNeonSign hope the self-loathing passes you by. Still on with Mr Sparx.
I'm getting the urge to contact Mr X which would be an exercise in self loathing so I mustn't.

@bluedabadeedabadoo hope it goes well with Mr Psychologist. I think it's normal to be a bit anxious xxx

Morning all 🙂
Date with Mr Sparx today.

Morning @Nosdacariad let us know how you get on, hope it goes well.

@bluedabadeedabadoo how did it go with MrPsychologist? Xx

It went well. We had a nice evening and DTD twice (although limited PIV due to condom issues) but that didn’t make it any less fun or satisfying. He is definitley very confident in the bedroom which I liked. This is usually when I get anxious so trying to stay calm and just take it as it comes now. I’m trying the ‘what will be will be’ attitude 🤷‍♀️
He did text this morning saying he hopes I enjoyed last night.

Happy New Year!

Have been AWOL a while, work has been mad over Christmas and I had no motivation for dates since my last one which was rubbish!

I'm on a very last minute date with a new chap so I thought I'd do a bathroom update! Seems very nice, although he did go on about golf for about 10 minutes after I said I wasn't remotely interested in golf 😂height might be an issue but I haven't had a chance to stand next to him and see properly.

Will catch up with the thread when I'm back home.

@Nosdacariad good luck with your date, hope it's a bit more exciting than mine!

Well done @Kaltenzahn and @bluedabadeedabadoo also @PinkNeonSign Mr Sparx was charming. Only red flag opposite politics.

I cried buckets on the way home missing the dreadful Mr X. Go figure!

@NosdacariadOh no! Sometimes it just takes time to get over someone I guess. Or do we need to help you perform some kind of exorcism? 😆 This man seems to take up more than his fair share of headspace.

@bluedabadeedabadooSo lovely. To hear it went well!