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Original poster

Confused about money AIBU

281 replies

Lyra74 · 10/10/2025 07:58

I've been seeing partner nearly 2 years. Nearly all that time I've known I earn almost double on paper compared to him. Although after tax pension etc it isn't anywhere near double. I have 2 kids at uni and they live with me when home for the holidays. So quite large outgoings at the moment. I have around 11k in savings so doing ok but not rich by any means since my divorce.
My partner is careful with money and worries about it. So as time has gone on I've found myself paying much more than half of things which I didn't mind. And more recently I helped him out with some small renovations to his house, as I'm planning on moving in with him in the spring.
This week I found out he has £225k in savings and investments. Money he inherited when his dad died that he makes around 9% on each year.
I am honestly blown away. I thought he was broke apart from his property. His house is in a nice part of Cheshire but the kitchen is falling to pieces. Feeling a bit silly and not sure if I've been taken for a ride.

OP posts:
Thatmoves · 10/10/2025 08:00

How did you find out?

Thatmoves · 10/10/2025 08:00

And I need to know where he makes 9% a year!!!

tripleginandtonic · 10/10/2025 08:01

Thatmoves · 10/10/2025 08:00

And I need to know where he makes 9% a year!!!

This. 4% maybe

Thatmoves · 10/10/2025 08:02

Didn’t he move his female friend in?

Original poster
Lyra74 · 10/10/2025 08:05

Thatmoves · 10/10/2025 08:00

How did you find out?

My Dad died recently and I'm getting a little bit of inheritance, nothing like what he has. So I was wondering where to put the money. He showed me his portfolio of overseas investments that a financial advisor manages for him 😵‍💫

OP posts:
Original poster
Lyra74 · 10/10/2025 08:06

Thatmoves · 10/10/2025 08:02

Didn’t he move his female friend in?

Edited

She said no as had somewhere else sorted. Why did he even need a lodger??

OP posts:
yeesh · 10/10/2025 08:08

So he’s been letting you pay for him knowing he has all that money in the bank? Not sure how you trust him again tbh. I can’t bare this sort of tightfisted behaviour, so unattractive.

AOIFEmissingUalways · 10/10/2025 08:09

It is easy to save lots of money when you have other people fools to pay for your house renovations, isn't it?

ChristmasFluff · 10/10/2025 08:11

Yes, you've been taken for a ride.

Original poster
Lyra74 · 10/10/2025 08:13

He suggested we have a joint bank account when I move in to cover mortgage and bills etc. He asked me if I'd pay a percentage of income rather than equal amounts. I'm feeling really stupid. I'm buying things second hand off vinted whilst he buys new for himself.
He says he can't spend the money as hasnt a big enough income to replace it.

OP posts:
ChikinLikin · 10/10/2025 08:13

Ask him to pay you back for the renovations. Then make sure he pays his fair share from now on. You owe it to your children.

Moltenpink · 10/10/2025 08:14

Depends- were they renovations that you wanted that perhaps he didn’t see the need for? I would understand you contributing if that’s the case

VoodooQualities · 10/10/2025 08:15

I think it's time for an honest conversation about your respective net worths. If you're planning on moving on together you should know each others financial situations anyway.

Then if it's clear he's worth more than you, he gets no more help with renovations etc., and honestly I'd be asking for money back there or at least he helps you out with renovations next time you need some, but that's just me.

Poisonwood · 10/10/2025 08:15

Ugh that feels so duplicitous.

ThroughTheRedDoor · 10/10/2025 08:15

Oooof. That'd be the end of any plans to move in with him for me. And I'd be reconsidering the relationship. Being tight fisted is not attractive. But letting you pay for renovations when he's got that kind of money? That's next level.

Only you can decide where your boundary lies here. But if you decide to carry on, it'll be in the full knowledge of what he's like.

Original poster
Lyra74 · 10/10/2025 08:16

Moltenpink · 10/10/2025 08:14

Depends- were they renovations that you wanted that perhaps he didn’t see the need for? I would understand you contributing if that’s the case

No just things he wanted which he thought we would need to make more storage if I moved in.

OP posts:
Darby3785 · 10/10/2025 08:19

I would feel taken advantage of OP he let you believe he was broke, and let you help him knowing full well he has the money sat in the bank that would be my gripe! Is moving in with him going to be a good idea? You need to have an open and honest discussion with him around this, tell him how you feel and hopefully he will be open with you about why he didn't say. He could just be protecting his interests especially if he worries about money.

I mean he was open enough to show you his portfolio so is he really being that secretive?

I would still ask him why he didn't tell you, why he felt it was ok to let you help him out financially if hes sat on all this money and with you moving in together in the spring its a worry for you. It's a valid discussion to have with him and basically if you are going to live together, all cards need to be on the table!

Thundertoast · 10/10/2025 08:24

When you say he buys need for himself, what kind of stuff?
How much does he actually earn? I

Gloriousgardener11 · 10/10/2025 08:30

Well he’s found a nice ‘purse’ in you!

This would be a deal breaker for me and I wouldn’t be moving in with him as he clearly sees you as his meal ticket.

I would also ask for the renovation money back as he has proved he can afford it, choosing not to afford it is very different.

Just have him as a friend and going forward he pays his half every time, no excuses.
This sort of meanness really bugs me!

WatchingTheDetective · 10/10/2025 08:30

You can't possibly stay with him now. He's completely using you.

Original poster
Lyra74 · 10/10/2025 08:34

Darby3785 · 10/10/2025 08:19

I would feel taken advantage of OP he let you believe he was broke, and let you help him knowing full well he has the money sat in the bank that would be my gripe! Is moving in with him going to be a good idea? You need to have an open and honest discussion with him around this, tell him how you feel and hopefully he will be open with you about why he didn't say. He could just be protecting his interests especially if he worries about money.

I mean he was open enough to show you his portfolio so is he really being that secretive?

I would still ask him why he didn't tell you, why he felt it was ok to let you help him out financially if hes sat on all this money and with you moving in together in the spring its a worry for you. It's a valid discussion to have with him and basically if you are going to live together, all cards need to be on the table!

He didn't tell me how much. He just showed me the first couple of pages. I asked him how much and he wouldn't say. I did a bad thing and looked when he popped out. Just needed to know the truth as moving in with him with my kids is a massive thing.

OP posts:
zipadeedodah · 10/10/2025 08:35

You could have give your kids a house deposit instead of paying for your rich boyfriends house renovation.

He wants a nurse with a purse.

Original poster
Lyra74 · 10/10/2025 08:35

Feeling sick to my stomach right now. Not sure if I'm over reacting but doesn't feel good.

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 10/10/2025 08:39

You haven’t been helping him, you’ve been giving him your money without any guarantee. If he’s like this now, imagine what he will be like if you move in. This is who he is, it’s part of his character and unless you enjoy him acting like a pauper but expecting others to pay his way, then you need to rethink the whole union. Life is too short waiting for someone to be different to they are.

You’ve been a bit of an idiot and he’s a cf. Don’t move in with him.

aWeeCornishPastie · 10/10/2025 08:39

I would be feeling sick to my stomach aswell if I were you OP. Your not over reacting I wouldn’t continue the relationship

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