Confused about money AIBU

[Lyra74]

I've been seeing partner nearly 2 years. Nearly all that time I've known I earn almost double on paper compared to him. Although after tax pension etc it isn't anywhere near double. I have 2 kids at uni and they live with me when home for the holidays. So quite large outgoings at the moment. I have around 11k in savings so doing ok but not rich by any means since my divorce.
My partner is careful with money and worries about it. So as time has gone on I've found myself paying much more than half of things which I didn't mind. And more recently I helped him out with some small renovations to his house, as I'm planning on moving in with him in the spring.
This week I found out he has £225k in savings and investments. Money he inherited when his dad died that he makes around 9% on each year.
I am honestly blown away. I thought he was broke apart from his property. His house is in a nice part of Cheshire but the kitchen is falling to pieces. Feeling a bit silly and not sure if I've been taken for a ride.

If you can’t both be honest about your respective finances then there’s no trust in the relationship. Don’t move in with a man who keeps secrets about something so important.

really sorry OP. I’d throw him back, he has cheated you. You sound lovely

We haven't had that conversation but I'm thinking not after this. I was going to rent my house so been looking at costs of that and if it is viable. It's tight so have been thinking also about selling up. Right now thinking I'm not going anywhere. Might just downsize x

So he's tight and he lies about having spent his inheritage.. and also

"He asked me if I'd pay a percentage of income rather than equal amounts."

He's trying to be a CF again. I really can't stand tight people trying to take advantage of others🤢

It’s possible on the stock market with risk. He could lose a chunk too.

Unsurprisingly he is now ignoring your messages.

I would dump his ass now but you have been foolish in giving this tightwad any money at all. He has cynically used you to feather his own nest and is a CF of the first order.

Erm, I’d ask him to refund you for the renovations and then end it once he’s done so. He mislead [lied] and manipulated you. This is not a man you should mix your finances with at any point.

Can’t imagine having children in late teens and only £11k nest egg… and giving a boyfriend money towards renovations.

FGS prioritise your kids if not your pension op

🚩

I'm only going to add one more as he's given you plenty already

Get rid.

Please don't move in with him and stop funding his life. End the relationship. He's a freeloader and a user.

You can’t possibly think you’re overreacting?! Seriously 😶

I think he might be one of those selfish misers, always tight, saving in unreasonable ways and worrying about the money. I would advise you to run as life with such people is really miserable (talking from personal experience). They keep moaning that they are always skint and criticise you for spending until you simply go mad and just don't understand how they can be serious.

So he's basically a lying sponger?
Get rid op.

Well, he is tighter that a duck's arse isn't he?! Having all that money stashed away, and asking you to help pay for stuff to be done in his house 🙄

He is not being honest with you, and using you financially for his own gains - and for me that is a big red flag.

Prioritise yourself and your children and kick this loser out of your life.

He is tight and he lies! He wants to pay more towards bills and contribute towards his pension?!!! You also said towards renovations on a property you dont own!!! You are being taken for a ride!!! I'm shocked you would do this! Stay where you are and do not move in with him. Hiw much did you give him for renovations?

Sorry OP I’m not having a go as he’s manipulated you but I’m horrified at the amount of women on here with DC who bankroll and handover money to freeloading men rather than protect their own assets.

Please please don’t move in with him or give him another penny - he’s mugging you off

He's already in the mindset of what's yours is ours and what's mine is my own.
This will get worse if you move in with him. I'm adding to the chorus - he's using you. For your own sake & that of your kids, time to say it's over.

You funded his house renovations after not quite 2 years together when you've got kids in uni and only 11k in savings? And paid for more stuff than he did?

Bad move. But now you know he's taken advantage of you financially in not disclosing his true worth and taking money from you for renovations and you paying for other stuff. He feathered his nest at your expense because he complains how expensive everything is and you wanted to help. Now he wants you to pay more than he does towards his house when you move in.

What are you going to do about that? I think your first move needs to be put the move in on hold. This guy used you financially while not disclosing he was certainly able to pay for his renovations. He played poor and you fell for it. Do you have proof you paid for his house reno? Are you going to ask him to return those funds? Can you go see a lawyer as to what you can do if he refuses?

I think you need legal and financial advice before anything else.

Does he have a pension or does he see the investments as his pension? How easily can he access the money? I don’t count my own (minor) investments as savings tbh as they’re there for the long run.

Fortunately you found out in time , he should pay you back what you have spent but he won’t , leave him with his lodgers .

You don't need to end it just don't move in with him. Don't share finances at all.
If you go out or away just go 50/50 from now on.
The issue is that this really gives one the Ick. Nothing kills desire more than sharing life with a mean person (and one who's out for themselves).
It also spills out into other areas of their lives too.
If he's arsy about it then you know that he's not all that he seems.

He's minted as he pleads povery and leaches from other people. Simple.

You have my sympathy.

People who are practised scroungers never see themselves that way and rarely ask directly for money, but nive and generous people somehow find themselves paying anyway.

Why were you funding his house renovations after not being together that long??!! Plus isnt this a kick in the teeth knowing he had all that cash sitting there? Wake up op, any spare cash u have, keep it - for your pension or for your children’s future, do not give anymore to mr tightwad!!

S&S isa presumably