He wants to speak before we meet

[loveyoutothemoon]

Been chatting to a guy online for about a week and a half and we're meeting on Saturday. The other day he sent a voice note on the app which was nice but I didn't really feel like sending one back, we just carried on chatting.

This morning he wanted to swap numbers, I was very polite. I said that I just wanted to take one step at a time and would feel more comfortable doing that after we'd met, if that was okay. He said it just made it easier to plan stuff but he was happy to do it my way. Now, it's not just the giving out my number, I'd just rather wait to speak to him in person, I just don't feel comfortable chatting to a stranger over the phone.

He then said a few hours later that he doesn't know if I feel up for it but we can call each other through the app, would be nice to hear my voice and get to know me better. (which is what I'd like to do in person on Saturday).

Is that his way of checking me out beforehand to see if I'm worth meeting? I just find it a little persistent and pushy. Or is it a red flag to him if I was to say that I'd rather wait? Would you find it a red flag yourself?

Honestly, wanting to wait until you meet to actually talk is totally fair! Talking on the phone to a stranger can feel weird and like you’re handing over way too much too soon. Sometimes guys want a quick voice chat just to "check you out" or make planning easier, but you calling the shots on the pace is what matters most. If he’s cool with waiting, that’s a green flag right there.
If he keeps nudging for a call but says he’s happy to go your way, he might just be eager to feel more connected but hey, that doesn’t mean you owe him a chat before date one. You do you! If he makes a fuss or starts pushing, then yeah, it’s a bit of a red flag. Trust your gut, it knows what’s up. So tell him, “Saturday it is!” and keep that vibe comfy till then.

I am likely a good bit older than you and I would feel more comfortable talking to the guy BEFORE meeting (but I would do it through the app). But you've got to go with what makes YOU feel comfortable.

Thank you. Do I say just that then, I'd rather wait.

Can understand him feeling that way totally. Why waste time going through the effort of meeting up without knowing if the other person sounds like a complete Ned and can't string a sentence together.

Yes, a simple, clear, and polite message like "I'd rather wait to speak until we meet in person" is perfect. You don’t need to over-explain or apologise, just be firm and kind. Something like:
"Thanks for understanding, but I’m much more comfortable chatting in person when we meet on Saturday. Looking forward to it!"
This sets your boundary clearly without leaving room for confusion, and it keeps the tone friendly and positive.

I get both sides of this. What’s the harm in talking through the app and not giving your number.

Thank you. He's already said a few times that I sound really nice, it's just a bit off putting that he's asking to do this to check I'm worth meeting, if that's the case.

I think neither of you are unreasonable.

A voice can be an instant ick or turn on and wanting to talk in person rather than in the phone is also absolutely fine.

Do you have plans to meet soon?

I always used to ask to speak on the phone before meeting - it weeded out the worst no-hopers (astonishing how many people were slurring by 7pm, or unable to string two words together) but you don't have to agree to it if you don't want to

Very sensible of him!

YANBU In doing what you want to do but I wouldn’t say it’s a red flag that he wants to hear your face. I have dated in years (married to a man I met online) but when we met and previous to him I wanted to speak on the phone (or preferably) FaceTime. Less chance of being catfished that way.

I’d never meet someone without talking to them on the phone first. I was recently messaging someone and it looked like we were very compatible. I arranged a phone call (he wanted to go straight to a meet up) and within five seconds of him starting to talk it was a firm no from me. If I’d met him without that phone call it would have been a very uncomfortable meet up!

I always preferred a quick 5 minute chat on the phone prior to meeting. It helped weed out the ones who were pissed, punctuated every other sentence with ‘innit’ and on one delightful occasion went to the loo whilst on the phone to me 🤦🏽‍♀️
But if you don’t feel comfortable doing that it’s fine too

And this

How awkward ...bin it off and stay in with a pizza and Netflix it will all go pear shaped after a few days anyway. Not worth bothering with and a total waste of time and effort

The only 2 guys that ever did this when I was online dating turned out to be walking red flags.

I'm a "couple of messages, meet within a week, first date is something that can be capped and ended within 30mins" type dater.

I agree with him, I would want to chat on the phone first. See if there’s chemistry and to find out if conversation is flowing. I don’t think I would bother meeting someone who didn’t want to chat first if I was single.

The 2 guys insisted on a call?

If you don’t feel comfortable chatting to a stranger, what are you doing OLD?

Considering that women bear most of the risks when meeting strangers, you should be the one asking for a quick call to vet the man before agreeing to meet.

We are meeting in a pub. I always feel so much more confident doing this when speaking for the first time.

I always tell them - sorry I don’t enjoy phone calls, especially not with someone I’ve ever met! They nearly always become pushy and think I should just tolerate one because they have ask. At which I block them.

I am happy to do voice notes though. And often do.

I’d always have a convo over the phone before meeting definitely, just to see what his style is and if there’s any spark. This is as much for you as it is him, just ring him and have a conversation will make meeting up less awkward to , how old are you both ? Guessing quite young and maybe new to online dating ?

I also agree with him, I’d not want to meet someone who couldn’t bring themselves to talk to me on the phone.

Gotta hear their voice first.

And if the guy is a total fantasist or a car crash in real life, you can’t know from texting, but you ll know when you ll be stood up/ghosted on the day or when you will be face to face with someone you instantly dislike/know it s not the right one yet have agreed to spend time with them … and you could have known by setting up a phone call with a lot less hassle.
You need to rethink this dating and safety thing. Get out of your “comfort zone”, turn the tables on them, do the vetting first rather than be vetted by them and downgrade from pub to coffee shop in the daytime.

(learned all this from OLD myself)

Sensible guy - he wants to make sure you’re not a man having a laugh at his expense