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Original poster

He wants to speak before we meet

189 replies

loveyoutothemoon · 08/10/2025 16:49

Been chatting to a guy online for about a week and a half and we're meeting on Saturday. The other day he sent a voice note on the app which was nice but I didn't really feel like sending one back, we just carried on chatting.

This morning he wanted to swap numbers, I was very polite. I said that I just wanted to take one step at a time and would feel more comfortable doing that after we'd met, if that was okay. He said it just made it easier to plan stuff but he was happy to do it my way. Now, it's not just the giving out my number, I'd just rather wait to speak to him in person, I just don't feel comfortable chatting to a stranger over the phone.

He then said a few hours later that he doesn't know if I feel up for it but we can call each other through the app, would be nice to hear my voice and get to know me better. (which is what I'd like to do in person on Saturday).

Is that his way of checking me out beforehand to see if I'm worth meeting? I just find it a little persistent and pushy. Or is it a red flag to him if I was to say that I'd rather wait? Would you find it a red flag yourself?

OP posts:
Original poster
loveyoutothemoon · 12/10/2025 13:43

Saveusename · 12/10/2025 13:31

Mmm. I think you might be being generous to call him a worrier.

I think he’s a giant red flag. He clearly wanted you to waste your time assuring him that you’re happy to travel to him, happy to be used to ‘kiss’ him to see if there’s a spark etc.

He was testing your boundaries very early on. I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to get in touch again because he’ll be so shocked you called his bluff.

Lucky escape.

Show quote history

Well I'm not accepting his nonsense, honestly I can see them a mile off! Yeah thought he'd be shocked at me calling his bluff. He did get in touch again by text after me blocking him on Whatsapp and unmatching on the app. I mean a woman of my age and experience, what would make him think I'd give in after him telling me he wasn't sure and asking for my number, what an idiot!!

OP posts:
Meandmyguy · 13/10/2025 12:32

loveyoutothemoon · 10/10/2025 18:53

So does anyone think like my best friend who says he clearly likes me, wanted to kiss me on the date but is unsure because the distance?

Simple as that?

It's as simple as that.

Your messages were a bit off.

Original poster
loveyoutothemoon · 13/10/2025 12:42

Meandmyguy · 13/10/2025 12:32

It's as simple as that.

Your messages were a bit off.

Show quote history

Why? He made a point of asking for my number at my car (after the date) then said he wasn't sure of the connection. I've been on enough dates to know that if you're not feeling it on the first date (like he wasn't) there's no point in carrying on. I was just honest with him, I don't think I sounded mean.

OP posts:
Meandmyguy · 13/10/2025 13:12

Your first message, do you want to meet again.....bit keen, In a positive way, bit too keen again, anyway, nice to meet you, absolutely dismissed him.

Good luck with the next one op.

Original poster
loveyoutothemoon · 13/10/2025 13:49

Meandmyguy · 13/10/2025 13:12

Your first message, do you want to meet again.....bit keen, In a positive way, bit too keen again, anyway, nice to meet you, absolutely dismissed him.

Good luck with the next one op.

I wanted to know if he wanted to meet again, isn't that normal??

OP posts:
NarnianQueen · 13/10/2025 21:30

Why not compromise by sending him a voice note? He just wants to check out your vibe and it’s hard to do that with texts alone

AutumnedCrow · 13/10/2025 22:03

loveyoutothemoon · 13/10/2025 13:49

I wanted to know if he wanted to meet again, isn't that normal??

Show quote history

Yes, I think so.

MrsDaveGrohl78 · 14/10/2025 00:54

When I was dating I used to FaceTime before meeting - made sure I wasn’t being catfished!

Panpots · 20/10/2025 18:22

Charlenedickens · 10/10/2025 12:41

Basically you intimated a man should pay as women were at risk of going to a coffee shop with them. 🙄

Show quote history

just saw this hence late reply.

No again that is NOT what I was saying. I’ve explained myself twice. Quote where I’ve said that?

Panpots · 20/10/2025 19:22

Panpots · 20/10/2025 18:22

just saw this hence late reply.

No again that is NOT what I was saying. I’ve explained myself twice. Quote where I’ve said that?

Show quote history

What annoys me is men who have organised a coffee date where they are going to spend maybe £4 on you at most - or may even want the woman to pay for it herself and yet they make a big song and dance of wanting to see more photos or video calling the woman before they meet. So they know it’s not “a waste” 🙄

I really shouldn’t bother but to reiterate, my point was a woman is risking so much more to turn up to a date. And yet certain men are acting as if they’re risking a lot if they turn up and a woman doesn’t look exactly how they thought she would. They have to ‘at worst’ pay the price of their dates £4 coffee or in some cases not even pay at all.

So I was saying - their fear of ‘wasting’ at most £4 on a ‘fat/ugly woman” is sometimes what’s driving the requests for more pics (or they’re just being sleazy and collecting pics of women) and that’s a major turn off for me!

Most decent guys would either not ask you on the date if they weren’t sure your photos were real/if they’re attracted to you (fairs) OR promptly organise a date to see what you’re like in person - and if they don’t like you they can just decline a second date.

I’ve thankfully only had one kind of weird first date which I cut after a few minutes with no real backlash except a glare, but that was pretty tame compared to what I’ve heard from friends or online. Men can and are often very aggressive, sexually inappropriate and just plain creepy on dates - even in broad daylight. So the first date is particularly unpredictable.

Only today I saw a reel where a man is aggressively demanding the woman come back to his house (after a first date) because he paid. She is even heard saying “but I offered to pay half” But even if she didn’t offer it’s grim he felt entitled to her body! He was berating her and being thoroughly unpleasant. It was in a car park in broad daylight but it can still be quite intimidating and incidents like this aren’t that uncommon.

Anyone who thinks women - generally speaking - aren’t risking more than men when they agree to dates is in cloud cuckoo land.

So no I won’t send any additional pics to a man or FaceTime him so he can scrutinise my body and face to “make sure”

.

Panpots · 20/10/2025 19:39

Zodiacrobat · 10/10/2025 19:02

No she really didn’t.

Reading comprehension levels on this site are bad aren’t they.

Show quote history

Thank you! 😂

And yes I agree re. Reading comprehension.

TwistedWonder · 20/10/2025 19:58

Panpots · 20/10/2025 19:22

What annoys me is men who have organised a coffee date where they are going to spend maybe £4 on you at most - or may even want the woman to pay for it herself and yet they make a big song and dance of wanting to see more photos or video calling the woman before they meet. So they know it’s not “a waste” 🙄

I really shouldn’t bother but to reiterate, my point was a woman is risking so much more to turn up to a date. And yet certain men are acting as if they’re risking a lot if they turn up and a woman doesn’t look exactly how they thought she would. They have to ‘at worst’ pay the price of their dates £4 coffee or in some cases not even pay at all.

So I was saying - their fear of ‘wasting’ at most £4 on a ‘fat/ugly woman” is sometimes what’s driving the requests for more pics (or they’re just being sleazy and collecting pics of women) and that’s a major turn off for me!

Most decent guys would either not ask you on the date if they weren’t sure your photos were real/if they’re attracted to you (fairs) OR promptly organise a date to see what you’re like in person - and if they don’t like you they can just decline a second date.

I’ve thankfully only had one kind of weird first date which I cut after a few minutes with no real backlash except a glare, but that was pretty tame compared to what I’ve heard from friends or online. Men can and are often very aggressive, sexually inappropriate and just plain creepy on dates - even in broad daylight. So the first date is particularly unpredictable.

Only today I saw a reel where a man is aggressively demanding the woman come back to his house (after a first date) because he paid. She is even heard saying “but I offered to pay half” But even if she didn’t offer it’s grim he felt entitled to her body! He was berating her and being thoroughly unpleasant. It was in a car park in broad daylight but it can still be quite intimidating and incidents like this aren’t that uncommon.

Anyone who thinks women - generally speaking - aren’t risking more than men when they agree to dates is in cloud cuckoo land.

So no I won’t send any additional pics to a man or FaceTime him so he can scrutinise my body and face to “make sure”

.

Edited
Show quote history

My friend went on a date with a guy who insisted on paying (with a discount voucher) then tried to get her into his car to (his exact words) unleash his beast 🤮
When she refused he told he deserved some gin for treating her to dinner - like a BOGOF cod and chips entitled him to a shag.

And he actually messaged her demeaning her half of the bill - he was in his 60’s ffs and no she didn’t send a penny just blocked him

Panpots · 20/10/2025 21:21

TwistedWonder · 20/10/2025 19:58

My friend went on a date with a guy who insisted on paying (with a discount voucher) then tried to get her into his car to (his exact words) unleash his beast 🤮
When she refused he told he deserved some gin for treating her to dinner - like a BOGOF cod and chips entitled him to a shag.

And he actually messaged her demeaning her half of the bill - he was in his 60’s ffs and no she didn’t send a penny just blocked him

Show quote history

That’s disgusting 🤢 Absolutely no respect.
He sounds so similar to the guy in the reel I watched except that man was young . Some of these creeps never change no matter how old they get. Depressing!

It’s shocking that even in this day and age certain men think that paying for a coffee or a meal and /or having decent chat and paying a few compliments means they’re entitled to sex.

Well done on your friend for ignoring his request and blocking him! Some people don’t even deserve a response 😆

The13thFairy · 21/10/2025 11:36

Perhaps he wants to know if you pronounce 'th'.

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