He wants to speak before we meet

[loveyoutothemoon]

Been chatting to a guy online for about a week and a half and we're meeting on Saturday. The other day he sent a voice note on the app which was nice but I didn't really feel like sending one back, we just carried on chatting.

This morning he wanted to swap numbers, I was very polite. I said that I just wanted to take one step at a time and would feel more comfortable doing that after we'd met, if that was okay. He said it just made it easier to plan stuff but he was happy to do it my way. Now, it's not just the giving out my number, I'd just rather wait to speak to him in person, I just don't feel comfortable chatting to a stranger over the phone.

He then said a few hours later that he doesn't know if I feel up for it but we can call each other through the app, would be nice to hear my voice and get to know me better. (which is what I'd like to do in person on Saturday).

Is that his way of checking me out beforehand to see if I'm worth meeting? I just find it a little persistent and pushy. Or is it a red flag to him if I was to say that I'd rather wait? Would you find it a red flag yourself?

People have different preferences.

I wouldn’t want to date someone who had confidence issues about using the phone, asI’d be looking for someone who could easily and comfortably hold their own in a variety of social situations.

But you’re perfectly within your rights to decline, and anyone who pushes it is a arse.

I feel them same, I wouldn't want to go out with someone I'd never spoken to even if we did message.
Also there is so much that is lost over messages, there's no nuance to the conversation.

Nah i would rather chat on the phone a couple of times first. I would find it weird to meet a stranger and know nothing about him. At least I would already know if I like his voice or sense of humor or not. But we are all different. 😁

My friend has found with ALL the men she’s met on apps who have insisted on phone calls and texts that they have wanted phone sex basically 🤢🥴🤮 and that’s why they were so keen on having her number. Nice normal appearing men in text turned into dirty old men very quickly

@loveyoutothemoon I find it more a red flag you won’t speaks to someone you plan to meet/date . I’d feel what are you trying to hide .

Fair enough not swapping numbers but I’d talk on the app

😂

Well then better to take the call, find out, then hang up and block if that’s the case.

I am afraid I also would see it if a man wanted to meet me for a date, but refused to speak to me first on the phone, and I would not wish to date someone who couldn’t use the phone. However as a pp said, if that’s your situation you can only explain your situation to him. He maybe ok with it, or he maybe he decides not for him, but best you both know.

Just meet him

I can see where he's coming from. Talking on the phone beforehand can make me feel more comfortable rather than just going to meet a stranger. You can get more of a measure of the person through speaking than just messaging. Also he could be checking whether the voice matches the photos.

Wow, what a bunch of creeps. Still, better to find out before meeting them, I guess!

Are you very young? I wouldn’t date someone who doesn’t hold the basic social skills of speaking on the phone for a few minutes.

sounds like you’re not compatible

His want to have a quick chat first is no less valid than your wish not to - it’s not a red flag

"Also there is so much that is lost over messages, there's no nuance to the conversation."

Totally agree. You can gauge so much such as humour, educational standard, sober/not sober, whether you're really a woman etc. All sorts of things!

Sorry....
I did online dating for about 3 years in that time only 2 men insisted on a call pre first date

Both of them were very charming but by dates 2/3/4 it turned out there were lots of big red flags.

Lots of future faking and love bombing, creating intimacy and history before we met.

I always preferred to have a phone call first before meeting

What a bizarre line to not want to have a 5 min phone call with a stranger but being happy to go meet one solo

I’ve dodged quite a few bullets by talking on the phone before a date. I much prefer this to having to exit a face to face meeting if they’re a total weirdo or sleazebag. Which some were. He’s not unreasonable but you’re within your rights to decline.

I have a friend who always insists on having a few phone call chats with someone before meeting them.
But, I’d feel the same as you and would find that really odd and would prefer to just wait until meeting.

Not a red flag, I was a big fan of phonecalls before a date when online dating.

TBH I find someone who does not "feel comfortable chatting to a stranger over the phone" a red flag.

Incidentally, why don't you want to speak over the phone? How do you conduct your life, personal and professional, if you don't talk to strangers on the phone?

I’d never meet a guy from online dating without speaking to them or a video chat. And I’d block someone straight away if they said no. It’s weird. You need to know who you’re meeting.

I just don't feel comfortable chatting to a stranger over the phone

I agree with PPs, it's a bit odd that you do not want to do this but are happy to speak to a stranger face to face. If he turns out to be a weirdo, it's a lot easier to hang up the phone than leave the pub.

I'd definitely want a call before meeting. Voices are incredibly important. What if he was inarticulate, stammered or had an accent you disliked, or spoke with a lisp, or pronounced r as w, or said f instead of th. I couldn't stand to be with anyone who spoke in any of those ways, maybe he feels the same so wants to check out your voice first, not a problem.

Not surprising, disgusting pervs - it is all best avoided at all costs, it’s the dregs on OLD

I wouldn’t like the pushy behaviour if you’ve already declined, that’s a sign he doesn’t respect your boundaries and selfish. I’ve got a feeling you’ll be annoyed by him by Saturday.

I like a phone call mutually, I wouldn’t put up with someone insisting and putting pressure on. I’ve certainly had times when it’s not a convenient time and they keep wanting to call, can’t stand having to listen to boring voice notes, I wouldn’t be compatible as I just can’t be bothered to listen.