He wants to speak before we meet

[loveyoutothemoon]

Been chatting to a guy online for about a week and a half and we're meeting on Saturday. The other day he sent a voice note on the app which was nice but I didn't really feel like sending one back, we just carried on chatting.

This morning he wanted to swap numbers, I was very polite. I said that I just wanted to take one step at a time and would feel more comfortable doing that after we'd met, if that was okay. He said it just made it easier to plan stuff but he was happy to do it my way. Now, it's not just the giving out my number, I'd just rather wait to speak to him in person, I just don't feel comfortable chatting to a stranger over the phone.

He then said a few hours later that he doesn't know if I feel up for it but we can call each other through the app, would be nice to hear my voice and get to know me better. (which is what I'd like to do in person on Saturday).

Is that his way of checking me out beforehand to see if I'm worth meeting? I just find it a little persistent and pushy. Or is it a red flag to him if I was to say that I'd rather wait? Would you find it a red flag yourself?

I HIGHLY recommend you block this idiot and join Burned Haystack Dating on FB and follow on Insta. The rhetorical patterns employed here have been ruthlessly dissected - you’ll never date the same again.

It's time, effort and money to meet someone. It's a bit like buying a car - you would like to know if you are interested before making the journey.

So does anyone think like my best friend who says he clearly likes me, wanted to kiss me on the date but is unsure because the distance?

Simple as that?

Don’t bother continuing with this, hes not interested, maybe he thinks the attraction will grow for him, I wouldn’t personally carry on, he’d probably just string you along for a bit. Onwards and upwards.

Not at all. He’s stringing you along letting you in tow in case he doesn’t get a better offer.

What sort of a distance are we talking? It sounds like his excuse to not date you

50 miles.

This

No she really didn’t.

Reading comprehension levels on this site are bad aren’t they.

It’s a second date, not a life-long marriage you’re considering. If he isn’t sure now then leave him be. If there isn’t even enough there for him to want to meet up again, don’t push it.

I’m female and I always make sure I speak to potential dates first before trekking out to meet them.
Speaking on the phone is a lot less effort than getting dressed up and travelling to meet someone.
You can tell a lot about someone by speaking to them.
If someone refused to speak on the phone I’d see that as a red flag.
I find this anti phone hysteria a real bore.

Absolutely.

He's the one saying he wants to carry on. I'm not pushing. I'm doing the opposite.

Is your friend massively male centred? ‘Unlucky in love’? Or is there a possibility he or she actively dislikes you?

As, no, that’s a nonsense take.

None of the three!

He sounds like hard work. It sounds like he's considering whether he'll do you the favour of dating you given the distance. I'd throw this one back and move on.

Also, how's he very interested? He's not. If it was say Margot Robbie would he be coming out with all this nonsense- I think not.

How's he very interested?

It sounds like neither of you is interested enough - not sure a fifty mile distance is going to help any.

I was really interested until he said he was unsure. I really enjoyed the date and it seemed like he did.

Maybe he wants you to offer to do all the travelling?

Id assume he thinks 50 miles is too far (it is) but that he wants to keep you around just in case

I think he’s doing some sort of weird negging thing “hmmm.. I’m just not sure…” to get you to convince him or say it can be casual due to the distance or… something. I couldn’t be bothered with this, either he likes you enough to want to see you again or he doesn’t and all the hand wringing on his part feels disingenuous and actually a bit rude.

I think I’d do a “No worries, I’m looking for someone who feels a similar level of connection to me or at least enough to be sure of a second date so I’d prefer to leave it here. Best wishes for the future” type message. I did OLD for a couple of years and it never worked out with men who weren’t sure enough from the beginning or there was some sort of messing me around at the start.

I’ve just read back your text exchange and he’s mentioned kissing you THREE times (as well as the distance being an issue). It sounds like he’s pushing things to a physical/sexual level (and if you’re not taking the bait then the distance is an issue, but if you’re willing, then distance isn’t an issue - until you’ve slept together once and then he won’t be interested at all). Sorry, that’s just one possible scenario but quite a likely one.

Just pick up the phone to him, have a couple of chats and see if anything more develops (it’s so much easier than hoiking yourself 50 miles down the road for something you’re not sure about).

Think you could be right.

He's already got you questioning and second guessing yourself! If he was a reasonable person and genuinely interested in a relationship with you, then you wouldn't be getting these ridiculous messages.

Move on.