He wants to speak before we meet

[loveyoutothemoon]

Been chatting to a guy online for about a week and a half and we're meeting on Saturday. The other day he sent a voice note on the app which was nice but I didn't really feel like sending one back, we just carried on chatting.

This morning he wanted to swap numbers, I was very polite. I said that I just wanted to take one step at a time and would feel more comfortable doing that after we'd met, if that was okay. He said it just made it easier to plan stuff but he was happy to do it my way. Now, it's not just the giving out my number, I'd just rather wait to speak to him in person, I just don't feel comfortable chatting to a stranger over the phone.

He then said a few hours later that he doesn't know if I feel up for it but we can call each other through the app, would be nice to hear my voice and get to know me better. (which is what I'd like to do in person on Saturday).

Is that his way of checking me out beforehand to see if I'm worth meeting? I just find it a little persistent and pushy. Or is it a red flag to him if I was to say that I'd rather wait? Would you find it a red flag yourself?

If someone suggested a phone call to me, I’d take it as a positive - he’s clearly capable and confident, interested and bothered.
Hearing someone’s voice and how they talk gives you a much better idea of them!

For me, you’d be the red flag. I’d wonder what you were hiding, and worry about compatibility with an adult who didn’t feel capable of a phone call.

Edited to add:
Me and DP met on a dating app and had a phone call before we met. We have a one year old now, and he’s the loveliest man I’ve ever met!

And I would only meet someone I had spoken to and completely ignore and never send voice notes. We are all different neither is right or wrong

I agree, I’d block someone who wouldn’t talk on the phone before a date. It’s a huge red flag for me

Why did you say "if that was okay"?

I told DH I sounded like Janet Street-Porter and he said he sounded like Joe Pasquale 😊

it didn't put us off meeting each other.

that was back in days when OLD was simple stuff.

I'd want to speak

Well he's been lovely about it, completely understands as he used to get really nervous talking to strangers on the phone and says it'll add to the excitement.

To those of you saying about talking to other people on the phone, to me, that's completely different. I too, find it weird. I actually enjoy chatting to people on the phone professionally. I feel like I couldn't be my true self with a date I've never met, on the phone, I think the first time you talk, body language and proper eye contact is all part of the first interaction definitely.

I don't do online dating, but if I did, I would want to ascertain that the person didn't have a high-pitched squeaky voice or an irritating laugh.

Well that was what I was questioning really, whether that was a red flag, I thought it was, but then his response was really positive.

I have nothing to hide. I just want the first time we speak to be in person, it's just a preference, just like you have your preference. And he's being lovely about it.

Yes absolutely! I didn’t mean you are a red flag, just that it would be for me. I thought that was part of what you were asking - whether people thought he was weird, or if he might think you were. He might or he might not!

You’re totally entitled to your preference. The most important thing is compatibility.

edited to add: you say he’s being lovely
about it now, but I thought you said he was being pushy??

I guess they might be trying to make sure you're not a bloke?! I personally would be happy to chat on the app before meeting. As if they sounded like they really couldn't string a meaningful sentence together I'd probably not meet up!

I thought it was a little pushy considering he'd already asked to swap numbers and then a few hours later asked to phone through the app. I wanted to know if people thought he'd think I was being weird. Looks like it's 50/50 on here which is fine. I'm aware now that he probably thought I'd want to speak, just not through our personal phones because of security, (hence suggesting the app) but he totally understood when I said I just wanted to speak in person. So yes, he was lovely and the conversation has been flowing since. I get why he wanted to but I also don't think I'm unreasonable.

Regarding stringing a sentence, maybe it would be nice to be trusted as I've been writing lengthy, well thought out and considerate texts, as has he. In fact, my spelling and grammar has been better than his. Like I said earlier, he's said a few times how much he enjoys my texts. I doubt he's going to think I'm a bloke, why would he think that?

Is that his way of checking me out beforehand to see if I'm worth meeting?
Yes. When i was online dating there was a fireman who if id have spoken to on the phone i wouldn't have bothered to meet. Thick as mince. His photo was also at least ten years old

You could have been using AI

And no dont trust strangers

Lots of people use chatGPT though so that proves nothing and yes even just to have a conversation they use it.

Not sure what you're getting at?

I could have been using AI, why would I do that? To help me make a conversation? Do people really do that, are they really that sad?

Are you new to online dating ? Only asking because I thought most people expect a chat over the phone before a date ? Or are you both quite young ? Maybe it’s me thinking that was the norm that’s all, but it’ll your both happy then good luck for Saturday.

No, I've been doing it for years unfortunately! Never been bothered about talking first and no-one has ever requested it either. Maybe it's time to start!

Yes they do. It’s very common actually.

My now dh wanted a brief chat on the phone before we met up in person. I was a bit taken aback but he said he wanted to check I don't sound like Miranda Hart and prove he didn't sound like Joe Pasquale. It was in context of a generally jokey chat so we did speak and it was really helpful.

i don't think there's anything red flag about the suggestion personally but of course if you're not comfortable you can say no. Personally I'd do a voicenote or something at least, and want that from them, too - it's reasonable to want to hear someone's voice and check they sound ok (plus to check they're not slurring/unable to string a sentence together, as pp have said).

I have actually had calls before multiple dates over the years, and it’s always been the women asking.

On one occasion one was chatting to me when her mum walked in, she talked about the pa*^s next door and how she hated living next to them, her mum joined in with the racist conversation and I very quickly ended the call.

it’s very easy to be a different person over messages, but it’s only when you speak either on the phone or in person you can get a real sense of their personality and often you can decide if it’s worth going on a date at all.

At the very least I’d want a voice note, as others have said, a voice can be the deciding factor as to whether a date is worth going on or not.

I don’t think there’s any red flags on either side, just perfectly valid preferences. I don’t speak to people on the phone, and I certainly wouldn’t do it with someone I hadn’t even met. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable, I just find phone conversations dull and unenjoyable.

When I was OLD (which is how I met DH), some people (not a lot) wanted to speak on the phone beforehand. I said ‘no’ and this was a dealbreaker for some of them. Which was totally fair enough.

Anyway, I hope the date goes well, OP!