I don’t want the amount of contact everybody is trying to have with me

[Bloodorangey]

I am 42F with elderly parents I look after financially and physically, I work full time in relentless job (the job is like being a doctor) have 3 DC at school who live with me (I am a single mum)

I meet all my goals and requirements for work, feedback is good, I do a good job and I earn enough money to look after everyone.

I have just reached a point where I don’t want to have any more conversation or contact with anyone apart from what is necessary. My brain literally cannot take it anymore. I feel so overwhelmed with what is already happening in my life. I get no pleasure in a phone or text conversation, even a social or friendly one.

having a job like a doctor I get asked for a lot of extra help and advice from people I know. Sometimes their level of entitlement to my time astounds me. I have friends and acquaintances who will call relentlessly because they “need a favour.” I ignore this and I don’t respond and it makes people irate. It starts with a WhatsApp or two, I don’t respond, it escalates to calling every day, sometimes three times a day. I don’t pick up. Suddenly people are angry with me. Issues are created that don’t even need to be issues. They feel entitled to something free from me, I am unavailable and they can’t get hold of me, and suddenly we have beef. all created by them.

there are some people who still chase me after a couple of years of me ignoring their texts and calls. One in particular wanted an internship for her daughter at my place of work. I didn’t respond and have never responded, but I still see emails and text messages flash up two years later, which I can preview - flabbergasted that I have not responded and still asking.

Another person who wanted a private introduction to someone I knew at work, to ask them a favour, sends me sarcastic, passive aggressive messages a year later. Her last one reads “I can only assume you have lost your job and are too afraid to tell anybody, and that is the reason you cannot get back to me and help me.”

I have tried the approach of explaining that I am overwhelmed by my own life and my not insignificant caring and financial responsibilities to my parents and DC. People are understanding, but then quite often want to “talk” about it, or are then introducing me to people on email whose services I should buy or consult in order to feel less stressed. That person then follows up relentlessly.

is this a me problem? Or a them problem? I just don’t know anymore. I just want these people to fucking leave me alone. Can anyone relate?

In fairness she hasn't asked for "help", she has asked whether we think it is a her problem or a them problem and if anyone relates.

She hasn't asked what she should do about the situation, and she wrote enough information in the OP to make it pretty clear what the issue is without the need for any more follow ups or drip feeds.

Just because she hasn't been back to comment, doesn't mean she hasn't read what people have wrote and reflected on it. The whole point of the post was that she is struggling to engage with people outside of the absolute necessity because of how burned out she feels, so it should come as absolutely no shock that she hasn't returned yet, or may never return, if you feel you are wasting your time responding when you don't get an acknowledgement then these sort of posts may not be for you.

It happens in a lot of professions. My feelings for a very close friend were altered permanently- and hers for me - when she ( a multi millionaire) suddenly expected me to do a professional job for her, which would have taken me two full weeks, worth two thousand pounds, for free and immediately. She was flabbergasted that I didn't drop everything and lose half a month's income just to devote myself to her project. I felt so guilty I ended up doing a rush job later on, free of charge, and she rewarded me with some obvious freebies she had been given, worthy of the charity shop. We were both deeply offended by each other's attitude. We are still friends but not quite so close.
I call it cudging - like cadging, by saying 'couldja just...' as though demanding someone else's time , energy and expertise is nothing.

Speaking as someone who had similar experience as the poster (except these were not requests for help, but more like requests for what felt to me as an absolute waste of time - that I didn't have enough anyway).
Trust me when I tell you it is not ghosting - there are times when you literally don't have enough minutes in a day to just read the messages in your inbox. It's better for me now, but I really understand the OP.

I’m in the same boat as OP. Lots of responsibilities, single parent , work in a health related field and I’m very good at it. I get bombarded by friends and acquaintances with demands for my attention and asking for advice. I had to literally ghost people because they’d not take a no for answer. I’m very careful with giving my number nowadays. The lesson I’ve learnt- your kindness viewed as your weakness by others.

I can absolutely relate. People can’t handle it when you’re different.

Wow, some of the responses to this thread are an object lesson in people’s insane brittleness and sense of entitlement.

It’s a good illustration of why ‘just setting boundaries’ doesn’t work with the seriously unhinged - getting their knickers all in a twist because they feel they are owed responses by a random poster on a chat board. 🤣 What’s the world coming to?