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Original poster

Bf ex going to sisters wedding and staying weekend

265 replies

Newusernameforthis123986 · 05/10/2025 21:59

Going to keep this as quick as possible and try not to be too outing.

bf has an ex broke up 18 months ago was together 5 years. No kids and was not married We have been together around 6 months recently met his family but still early days. We get on really well.

his ex has been invited to his sisters wedding at the end of year. I haven’t which is fine as new relationship and the wedding is small and they are having 30 people. She will be staying at bf for weekend as she lives accross the country and says she cannot afford a hotel. She has asked me not to be round that weekend as that would make her uncomfortable (can’t anyway as it’s my weekend with kids) but I still feel very uncomfortable. I have said it is slightly strange how she has specifically asked for to not be there and also wants to go to a very intimate close family wedding but he has said that it isn’t really on him in regards to the wedding list and he doesn’t want to be rude saying she can’t stay. I am thinking this may be a deal breaker for me as it feels like crossing a boundary or am I overthinking.

OP posts:
Omgblueskys · 06/10/2025 16:02

She can stay with another family member of his

Zempy · 06/10/2025 16:07

This would be a deal breaker for me - the staying at his place.

Flakey99 · 06/10/2025 16:24

What a piss taking diva!

She either books a hotel or some other alternative accommodation.
She can’t expect to stay in a 1 bed flat with her EX boyfriend and demand you stay away for the weekend.

As you’re a fairly new relationship, you need to set out your boundaries and I’d be very clear with the boyfriend that her request is unacceptable to me and a total deal breaker.

mbonfield · 06/10/2025 16:27

Op Why could he not stay with you or why do you not both go to a local Hotel save all the suspicions.

ParmaVioletTea · 06/10/2025 16:43

I think you need to keep out of this. If his ex was with him for that length of time, she's going to have been treated as a potential/actual member of the extended family. She may be good friends with your BF's sister.

You can't control or dictate her behaviour, and not can you control or dictate your BF's behaviour. If he's going to cheat, he'll cheat. But he ended it with her. She may feel there's unfinished business, but I'd assume as he ended it, he won't cheat.

Original poster
Newusernameforthis123986 · 06/10/2025 17:11

mbonfield · 06/10/2025 16:27

Op Why could he not stay with you or why do you not both go to a local Hotel save all the suspicions.

Like I have said i have my kids that weekend and they haven’t met bf yet.

OP posts:
tripleginandtonic · 06/10/2025 17:13

Bobbie12345678 · 05/10/2025 22:03

You are overthinking. You have to either trust him or not. Her request is fair. His sister inviting her is fair.

This .

ClaredeBear · 06/10/2025 17:17

That’s just weird. I can understand her still being friends with the family but not the bit where she stays with your boyfriend and certainly not the bit where she says she doesn’t want you there. Did your boyfriend tell you this, by any chance?

Branleuse · 06/10/2025 17:27

When i was younger i may have put up with bullshit like this, but i think actually now id dump someone at the first hint of weird ex related crap

rainbowsinheaven · 06/10/2025 18:02

Yeah I wouldn’t be having that. No chance

Dweetfidilove · 06/10/2025 18:28

See, I wouldn't even expect this foolery to get to my ears. Any worthwhile boyfriend would tell her to catch a grip, so this wouldn't even be an issue.
I'd be staying away alright, but not just for the weekend 😔.

Original poster
Newusernameforthis123986 · 06/10/2025 18:55

so I have had a text from bf saying he would like to give me a call when kids are in bed as he could tell from conversations over the weekend how unhappy I was and wants to catch me up on a couple of things. so will call him tonight.

OP posts:
Omgblueskys · 06/10/2025 18:59

Newusernameforthis123986 · 06/10/2025 18:55

so I have had a text from bf saying he would like to give me a call when kids are in bed as he could tell from conversations over the weekend how unhappy I was and wants to catch me up on a couple of things. so will call him tonight.

Good luck op,

Ohnobackagain · 06/10/2025 19:15

@Newusernameforthis123986 he should feel ok with saying to the ex “you staying was fine while we were both single but it really isn’t ok now I have a girlfriend because me asking her not to come round to make you feel better is putting you above her. Surely you can see that is not appropriate”

ZenNudist · 06/10/2025 19:17

Bringitonicancope · 05/10/2025 22:10

Is she invited to the wedding because she is still a friend of his sister or because she was your bf's long term gf?

Why is she staying with your bf? He must have invited her to stay. And if he is telling you to keep away while she is staying with him then that must be down to him and not her because she can't dictate who visits his home.

I would finish things and let them get on with it because he and his family are obviously still very much entwined with this woman.

Edited

This

Allseeingallknowing · 06/10/2025 19:18

OP- you could go with him and book a hotel for the night, without going to the wedding

Omgblueskys · 06/10/2025 19:26

Allseeingallknowing · 06/10/2025 19:18

OP- you could go with him and book a hotel for the night, without going to the wedding

Op has her children that weekend

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 06/10/2025 19:58

In my opinion, she can't have it both ways.

She is either completely platonic with him and therefore has no problem meeting his new girlfriend

Or, she still has feelings for him. And therefore should not be staying with him, and he should not be entertaining it.

If she is not ready to meet you, she still has feelings, and he should not be letting her stay in his one bed flat

Allseeingallknowing · 06/10/2025 20:00

Omgblueskys · 06/10/2025 19:26

Op has her children that weekend

Show quote history

Ok, so perhaps make alternative arrangements for the children, or perhaps ask the ex not to go?

Original poster
Newusernameforthis123986 · 06/10/2025 21:13

Right so spoke to him.
he could see how upset I was and understood my point of view so actually contacted his mum (I didn’t know he was gonna do this) after I had left Sunday morning asking if there was a way ex could stay at hers for that weekend. Which she said yes to and he has said was completely fine and understanding about it. He has then messaged and ex today and she has essentially got very upset saying she was “looking forward to seeing him and spending a weekend catching up and spending time together” and that I was trying to “come between their friendship and cause issues” and that she wanted him to reconside. He sent me the screenshots to show me and said he has made it clear after her responses that the offer for his mums is there and makes more sense. He has said that he has left it like that but doesn’t want to drag it out and contact his family more to create drama at his sisters wedding.

honestly even though I can see he has tried I can also see that his ex is gonna still very attached and I honestly do not have the time or energy for pettiness and jealous exes so am undecided on where to go from here.

OP posts:
Franpie · 06/10/2025 21:18

Newusernameforthis123986 · 06/10/2025 21:13

Right so spoke to him.
he could see how upset I was and understood my point of view so actually contacted his mum (I didn’t know he was gonna do this) after I had left Sunday morning asking if there was a way ex could stay at hers for that weekend. Which she said yes to and he has said was completely fine and understanding about it. He has then messaged and ex today and she has essentially got very upset saying she was “looking forward to seeing him and spending a weekend catching up and spending time together” and that I was trying to “come between their friendship and cause issues” and that she wanted him to reconside. He sent me the screenshots to show me and said he has made it clear after her responses that the offer for his mums is there and makes more sense. He has said that he has left it like that but doesn’t want to drag it out and contact his family more to create drama at his sisters wedding.

honestly even though I can see he has tried I can also see that his ex is gonna still very attached and I honestly do not have the time or energy for pettiness and jealous exes so am undecided on where to go from here.

Sorry, it’s not clear, so is she now going to stay at his mum’s or is there a chance she still may stay at his?

I think you’re completely justified in saying to him that her messages have made you feel even less comfortable about the whole set up and that you’re not really interested in all this drama so early on in a relationship.

Frostynoman · 06/10/2025 21:19

He sounds like a decent guy and is playing this with a straight bat. Give it some time and the ex will fade out - there can’t be that many more family events she’s going to be invited to

beAsensible1 · 06/10/2025 21:24

Can he stay at yours while she’s at his?

Poppingby · 06/10/2025 21:24

Chances are she will not come to the wedding after that as long as he holds his ground. It would be pretty miserable for her if she had planned a cosy weekend. I would hang fire and see what happens.

Cantsleepdontsleep · 06/10/2025 21:25

I wonder how I would feel in this situation, and then I realise I don’t have to think about it as my husband would never put me in this situation. Therein I think you have your answer. Whatever else, why is he entertaining the idea?