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Original poster

Bf ex going to sisters wedding and staying weekend

265 replies

Newusernameforthis123986 · 05/10/2025 21:59

Going to keep this as quick as possible and try not to be too outing.

bf has an ex broke up 18 months ago was together 5 years. No kids and was not married We have been together around 6 months recently met his family but still early days. We get on really well.

his ex has been invited to his sisters wedding at the end of year. I haven’t which is fine as new relationship and the wedding is small and they are having 30 people. She will be staying at bf for weekend as she lives accross the country and says she cannot afford a hotel. She has asked me not to be round that weekend as that would make her uncomfortable (can’t anyway as it’s my weekend with kids) but I still feel very uncomfortable. I have said it is slightly strange how she has specifically asked for to not be there and also wants to go to a very intimate close family wedding but he has said that it isn’t really on him in regards to the wedding list and he doesn’t want to be rude saying she can’t stay. I am thinking this may be a deal breaker for me as it feels like crossing a boundary or am I overthinking.

OP posts:
Personperson · 05/10/2025 22:02

Well I'm all for people getting along but I don't think I'd be happy with her dictating where she is staying and whether you can stay!

It's one thing to be invited to the wedding that I understand, maybe the sister was close to her but why does she have to stay with your boyfriend?

I think I'd be letting them all get along with it and leave them to it. It appears your boyfriend has no spine.

Bobbie12345678 · 05/10/2025 22:03

You are overthinking. You have to either trust him or not. Her request is fair. His sister inviting her is fair.

Pancakeflipper · 05/10/2025 22:04

Don't get why she has to stay with your BF.

Original poster
Newusernameforthis123986 · 05/10/2025 22:09

I don’t think it’s the wedding that is the issue more the insisting on staying a whole weekend with your ex and making it clear she doesn’t want to see him with his new relationship that feels strange.

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 05/10/2025 22:09

Bobbie12345678 · 05/10/2025 22:03

You are overthinking. You have to either trust him or not. Her request is fair. His sister inviting her is fair.

She doesn't need go be staying at his house though

Bringitonicancope · 05/10/2025 22:10

Is she invited to the wedding because she is still a friend of his sister or because she was your bf's long term gf?

Why is she staying with your bf? He must have invited her to stay. And if he is telling you to keep away while she is staying with him then that must be down to him and not her because she can't dictate who visits his home.

I would finish things and let them get on with it because he and his family are obviously still very much entwined with this woman.

outerspacepotato · 05/10/2025 22:12

I would not be cool with ex staying at BF's and attending an intimate family wedding with him.

She's really presumptuous telling you you can't come around that weekend. She thinks she's got dibs. Maybe she does.

I'd be out.

Endofyear · 05/10/2025 22:13

Well, she doesn't have to stay with him, she could stay in a hotel. He's choosing to have her to stay. And seems he's ok with her dictating that you can't go to his house while she's there. If I were you, I'd be walking away.

Sandysellman · 05/10/2025 22:14

Up to something!!!!

BlueberryLatte · 05/10/2025 22:17

Why does she need to stay the whole weekend? Why are you not allowed to see your bf when she is there? All weird

Sandysellman · 05/10/2025 22:17

See how he reacts and if he goes with it you go aswell ! Women can be very clever !! And she will always be a pain being that friendly with the family ! Hope she doesn't catch the bouquet ( planned ??? ))

EachandEveryone · 05/10/2025 22:20

Premier Inns are cheap especially this far in advance. I’d feel better in one of them then someone’s house.

UnsureAtTimes · 05/10/2025 23:01

Newusernameforthis123986 · 05/10/2025 22:09

I don’t think it’s the wedding that is the issue more the insisting on staying a whole weekend with your ex and making it clear she doesn’t want to see him with his new relationship that feels strange.

I agree with you

tragichero · 05/10/2025 23:13

Going to the wedding is fine. Insisting on staying with him less so.

Different if they had kids together, I think. I can imagine situations where I might ask to stay with DD's dad and would hope he would agree, even tho we have been split for about 8 years and he is still seeing the OW who broke us up. I'd put him up to if the need arose - we have a child together so are effectively family after all.

Quite different when there are no kids involved. I also don't see why SHE is calling the shots as to whether or not you can be around. I mean, I assume you would have no desire to be? But I don't see its her right to dictate your absence, when your BF is doing her a big favour putting her up as it is.

Your issue isn't really with her tho, it's with him. How is he being about it? I am sort of wondering why he told you about her decree that you shouldn't be around, as he must know you have your kids then so it wouldn't arise anyway.

Is he perchance trying to make you jealous?

How would you feel about walking away from the relationship at this point? On paper it sounds advisable - but not always easy when there are feelings involved.

Subwaystop · 05/10/2025 23:19

Yeah, that would be a no for me. She shouldn’t stay at his, and definitely not make her needs a priority to him over yours. It’s one thing if you are a long time relationship and you have built the trust for this. But this early on he should be building trust and connection with you, and hosting the ex is just insensitive to you on so many levels.

outerspacepotato · 05/10/2025 23:46

So your BF is ok not just with her staying the weekend at his place but her calling the shots as to seeing you all weekend? That's awfully controlling for someone who's been an ex for a year and a half and has a gf whose met his family.

He sounds still attached if he's agreeing to that and that tells you where you stand. That boundary? You're on the outside.

whatisthegoddamnholdup · 05/10/2025 23:50

I wouldn’t feel comfortable about this at all, why does she get to dictate the logistics? Your bf should be disagreeing with this.

Soonenough · 05/10/2025 23:51

Ex is his sister's invited guest . It's not his problem to sort out or provide accommodation. If she can't afford to attend the wedding she should decline .

padronpepper · 05/10/2025 23:52

Do you believe him when he told you she said any of this?

Dery · 06/10/2025 00:14

Agree with PP - the wedding is one thing. Her staying at his - completely not okay. Asked DH about this and he says that it may not be sinister but he thinks it’s a clueless thing for your BF to do and it’s worrying that he’s so clueless.

Sassylovesbooks · 06/10/2025 09:08

The wedding invitation is out of your boyfriend's control. However, I find it bizarre that his sister invited his ex to her wedding, but didn't just include a +1 on the invitation to him. He could have chosen to bring you or not then. Out of interest who ended the relationship, your boyfriend or his ex? I am assuming the wedding plans were well under way before you and your boyfriend got together? I do wonder if the sister invited the ex, to try and 'play match maker'?! Of course the ex and the sister maybe really close. The staying with your boyfriend and dictating that you aren't allowed to be there, to me, is a huge red flag. Your boyfriend isn't obliged in any form, to have his ex stay with him. He should be saying No, because it's an odd request from his ex. He shouldn't also be allowing her to dictate who visits whilst she's there! It's not her home, and it's not her business. Her travel and accommodation needs are not his problem, in all honesty. He might be oblivious, but her intentions seem to be fairly obvious!!

ForeverPombear · 06/10/2025 11:28

I wouldn't have been happy with her dictating either. Her going to the wedding, fine. Her staying at your bfs I wouldn't be so happy with especially because she's dictating what you can can't do.

FaceBothered · 06/10/2025 11:32

He sounds like a soggy lettuce.

There's nothing strange at all about her wanting to go to the wedding.

But he doesn't have to let her use his home as a hotel. He should be suggesting she either stays at another family member's home, or he does.

Poppingby · 06/10/2025 11:36

I think he's not over his ex. Or if he is over his ex he's behaving like he isn't and needs that to be made clear. He's choosing your discomfort over hers by letting her stay and keeping you away that weekend. Obvs the wedding invitation list isn't up to you.

Busyschedule · 06/10/2025 11:42

So your boyfriends sister is having an intimate wedding. You aren't invited but your boyfriends 'ex' is. The ex is staying with your boyfriend and has asked that you don't come around so they can have the place to themselves. Ofcourse they are planning to have sex that weekend. They'll feel very bad though afterwards and will tell you it was a total one off and they are totally over each other, so you should just get over it.