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Original poster

Bf ex going to sisters wedding and staying weekend

265 replies

Newusernameforthis123986 · 05/10/2025 21:59

Going to keep this as quick as possible and try not to be too outing.

bf has an ex broke up 18 months ago was together 5 years. No kids and was not married We have been together around 6 months recently met his family but still early days. We get on really well.

his ex has been invited to his sisters wedding at the end of year. I haven’t which is fine as new relationship and the wedding is small and they are having 30 people. She will be staying at bf for weekend as she lives accross the country and says she cannot afford a hotel. She has asked me not to be round that weekend as that would make her uncomfortable (can’t anyway as it’s my weekend with kids) but I still feel very uncomfortable. I have said it is slightly strange how she has specifically asked for to not be there and also wants to go to a very intimate close family wedding but he has said that it isn’t really on him in regards to the wedding list and he doesn’t want to be rude saying she can’t stay. I am thinking this may be a deal breaker for me as it feels like crossing a boundary or am I overthinking.

OP posts:
ChristmasFluff · 06/10/2025 11:47

I'd be ending things, because this is not normal.

I was with my first big love for 6 years, and tbh, I loved his family way more than I loved him really - they were the family I wished I'd had, and I spent as much time with them as possible. I stayed in touch with them (not him!) for many years, and I still have fond memories of them all.

No way on this earth would I have accepted a wedding invitation from them, even if one of them had been crass enough to ask. Does this family have no care for the feelings of your bf, and how awkward it would be for him? Why would it not be awkward for her?

Or are they well aware that it wouldn't be awkward at all because there is unfinished business between them? In which case, there's no point being with him.

NotoriousABC · 06/10/2025 11:52

Every single part of this plan is so weird and I would absolutely be gone like a shot.

Omgblueskys · 06/10/2025 12:21

Please tell me op your bf hasn't agreed to this

Mom2K · 06/10/2025 12:42

Bobbie12345678 · 05/10/2025 22:03

You are overthinking. You have to either trust him or not. Her request is fair. His sister inviting her is fair.

Absolutely not. It has nothing to do with trust.

You see on here all the time women posting who never thought their DH would cheat and are completely shocked and devastated...but things happen, especially when people place themselves in situations where lines get blurred and feelings can develop. That may not have been the intention, but a smart person would safeguard their primary relationship by keeping certain boundaries in place with other people.

Having an ex stay over (where there is already history and past intimacy) is not only idiotic, but completely disrespectful to his current partner. And is simply not a trustworthy action.

Trust for me involves knowing that my partner wouldn't choose to be in a situation that has potential to cause issues in our relationship...and this is a scenario that not many people would be comfortable with.

mummymissessunshine · 06/10/2025 12:48

Deleted as MN posted twice!

mummymissessunshine · 06/10/2025 12:48

tell him he should not be staying on his own with her. She doesn’t have to stay with him. If she is that close to the family she can stay with someone else. Or she stays at his and he stays somewhere else.

And if he is that naive that he doesn’t see what is going on then you are out of this.

id also give the sister a wide berth. She should dis invite the ex. Unless they are besties. And if they are besties then she can find somewhere for the ex to stay which is not with her brother.

OchreRaven · 06/10/2025 13:03

This could actually be a blessing in disguise. You are only 6 months in so it’s a good opportunity to see who this man really is.

There is nothing you (or he) can do about the invitation to the wedding. But agreeing to have her stay with him the entire weekend and excluding you is NOT acceptable. This is where you need to establish what you will and won’t put up with. If you try and be the ‘cool’ gf he won’t respect you going forward and will continue to put you in these type of scenarios.

What you know by him facilitating his ex staying with him is he has poor boundaries and judgement. The reasons behind this are unclear. It could be any of the following

  1. he is naive
  2. he still has feelings for her and wants to spend time alone together
  3. he wants to end your relationship but is too cowardly to say it so is acting badly in the hopes you will end it.

It doesn’t actually matter what his reasons are, his treatment of you is disrespectful. You need to clearly tell him that having his ex to stay is deeply disrespectful to your relationship and shows he has poor boundaries and judgement. If after 6 months he values his relationship with his ex over yours then it doesn’t make sense to continue as he clearly doesn’t see a future.

If he is just naive or a people pleaser, and he really is into you, he will do whatever he can to make you feel comfortable and will retract his offer for his ex to stay. If he doesn’t do this then it’s a good job you found out now who he is and what you really mean to him before you invest any more in the relationship.

Ohnobackagain · 06/10/2025 13:12

@Newusernameforthis123986 her insisting you’re not around is the red flag for me. She doesn’t get to tell him how to live and she shouldn’t be bothered about you; unless he two-timed her with you for example. If not, it sounds like she still has feelings for him. I cannot imagine wanting to stay at an ex’s place. Maybe she feels awkward going to the wedding hence wants to kind of not go in on her own - but again, no need to stay at his. That bit is very weird.

Coconutter24 · 06/10/2025 13:14

More to the point why is your bf ok with having her stay and going along with you not being allowed round just because ex doesn’t want to see his new relationship? She can ask for anything she wants but it’s up to your bf to say yes or no

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 06/10/2025 13:24

I think you should ask your boyfriend to explain how it’s happened she’s staying at his house for the wedding. Did she ask for a favour or did he offer? How do you know she’s insisting of you staying away? Have you seen the messages? Did he say “no, you’ll have to find someone else to stay with.” Or did accept she has a right to dictate who is in his home while he’s doing her a favour.

user0345437398 · 06/10/2025 13:31

Wow. I'm impressed at her gumption! What a woman!

BlondeFool · 06/10/2025 13:33

ForeverPombear · 06/10/2025 11:28

I wouldn't have been happy with her dictating either. Her going to the wedding, fine. Her staying at your bfs I wouldn't be so happy with especially because she's dictating what you can can't do.

This. It’s an absolute piss take to stay all weekend and dictate if you can be there. What did your boyfriend say?

Original poster
Newusernameforthis123986 · 06/10/2025 13:36

By the sounds of it it was just presumed by her that she would stay with him as she has a couple times in the past after she moved out when she had something down here (before we were together).

me finding out about her dictating was when I asked a few questions about sleeping arrangements (1 bed flat) I mentioned that I felt abit uncomfortable about her being there for the whole weekend and me not being there due to kids which is when he said she had already said she was not ready to meet me and had asked that i wasn’t there. Have been told that if he asked her to get a hotel then she would not be able to afford it and would then not come which could be awkward for him with his family who seem to think that it would be nice if she was there. It just all feels odd to me.

i do think a lot of it comes down to the fact that he seems to have a very people pleasing attitude and didn’t think it would be a big deal.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newusernameforthis123986 · 06/10/2025 13:38

He ended it with her, They have remained close friends.

OP posts:
JadziaD · 06/10/2025 13:42

The wedding is fine. Staying with her ex is.... maybe okay but definitely a bit of a flag. The dictating where YOU are, and whether your BF sees you over that weekend.... that's a load of old bollocks and if he's going along with that it rings big bells for me.

Hadalifeonce · 06/10/2025 13:45

I would just say for him not to worry, I won't be around that weekend, or evermore.

Tigerbalmshark · 06/10/2025 13:46

It’s a six month relationship - I’d finish it with him as you clearly aren’t compatible (because he still wants to shag his ex). I wouldn’t waste my breath arguing with him, that he would even consider it would tell me that we weren’t on the same page.

BlondeFool · 06/10/2025 13:48

Deal breaker. I’d end it.

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 06/10/2025 13:51

I would speak to him, express your concerns and how you feel. His response will tell you everything.

Tell him to book her a travelodge

inigomontoyahwillcox · 06/10/2025 13:56

It would be a deal breaker for me. Circumstances have changed - he now has a girlfriend (you), so she shouldn't be staying at his any more.

catchafluflu · 06/10/2025 14:07

Isn't there another member of his family she can stay with if she is still so connected to them? I know it's only a 6 month relationship but it does seem a bit off her staying with him now he has a new girlfriend.
I can understand her not wanting the awkwardness of you being around but it's not for her to demand that. If she can't afford a cheap hotel then maybe she shouldn't go to the wedding.

statetrooperstacey · 06/10/2025 14:08

So they will be going back to his one bedroom flat, together, drunk, sentimental, nostalgic, having just been to a family wedding , absolutely fucking not. It’s a literal recipe for sex.

JFDIYOLO · 06/10/2025 14:09

It's fine for her to be friends with his sister - I've known my ex SIL half my life and will continue to be friendly even though my brother has been in a different relationship for years. That friendship and her invitation is none of your business.

So separate that out from the mix.

But ... her staying with your BF / dictating that you can't be there ?

Nope. That is not acceptable. That's her flexing her muscles, possibly being devious and trying to engineer a situation.

And him siding with her? Not seeing how this could look.and make you feel? Not telling her that your feelings are more his concern than hers are now? Also nope. He is either supremely thick - or he's part of this.

Tell him you're not happy with those three points.

Then see what he does. It's a forecast for how your feelings and needs will be seen in future.

ComfortFoodCafe · 06/10/2025 14:19

Kindly, they arent over each other. To messy, i wouldnt stick about. No doubt something will happen over that weekend between them.

KimHwn · 06/10/2025 14:22

I'd find it weird that she still feels like she has the right to dictate who stays in his flat, and that he is allowing her to have that right. I don't think they necessarily want to get it on, but to be honest, he sounds like a weak man, and that is a massive ick.