Is this alcoholism and how do I proceed?

[Tennisnonpro1123]

People were very helpful on my thread. Basically I think my BF is an alcoholic. He routinely has 4-5 drinks (but they’re mixed, so maybe even more alcohol) before driving the car; it usually doesn’t swerve but sometimes (or his turns/reaction time just seems off). Eye drops and breath minds kept on hand in the car. And the 4-5 drinks while out, are just the beginning: when I first come over to go out to dinner, his breath already smells like alcohol, and when we come home he drinks more alone in kitchen before we go to bed. Starts at about 1pm any day off. In morning, before his first drink, he’ll be shaking his leg & says he has hand tremors & doesn’t know why. But he doesn’t usually seem “drunk,” just spacey.

At least one a week he disappears totally, till like noon the next day. I’ve asked him to text me when he’s home safely after going out. Usually doesn’t. If I ask him to start (or point out he never mentions where he’s going), he blows up at me, saying “aren’t you just the f*cking victim.” I thought he was cheating but maybe he’s just drinking more heavily than on the days I’m with him. Thought about saying that we only seem to fight after “we’ve” been drinking & asking if we can hang out without alcohol. But I don’t know what to expect with an alcoholic

Im sorry but I think you should end it. Hes 100 percent got s serious problem. I doubt he'd accept he had an issue.though. My gran used to say people change but you can't change people. Honestly leave and save yourself a world of misery

Yes it's alcoholism.
And drunk driving. And deception (mints etc to cover up the evidence of booze). Secretive, solo and daytime drinking, all 3. Withdrawal tremors. Verbal abuse. He's not reliable and not considerate as a partner.
No indication of any awareness that he has a problem, no indication that he has the least desire to change.

So is that the relationship you want, or do you think you're worth more than that?

You can't save him, and him having someone who might even want to save him will typically delay any possibility of recovery.

You might want to consider an Al-Anon meeting, for people who have loved ones who are alcoholics.

He sounds like hard work. What’s in this for you?
Why are you still with him?
It’s not just the alcoholism. He’s abusive and deceptive.
Walk away and leave him to it. Find someone better as he will only get worse over time.

What you can expect is years of misery, loneliness, and being second-best. Leave now and spare yourself.

Leave. Being with an alcoholic is not the life you want, especially if you want children. Don't do it to yourself or them.

Absolutely this. I managed four years with one and it was utterly miserable.

You think ??

OP, he has a relationship with alcohol and one with you.
in that order.

Call it problem drinking, his drinking causes problems for you. Do you really want to live a life where you are gaslit and suffer abusive behaviour? It doesn't matter if he's "lovely" the rest of the time, you will always be waiting for the next episode.

Move on and leave him to his drinking.

I don’t understand why you would be unsure if this is alcoholism? It seems like severe alcoholism to me.

I’m really angry that you know he is routinely driving after 4-5 drinks and you’re not calling the police on him. He is going to kill someone.

I would tell the police. He could kill someone.

Just leave him to it he sounds vile.

Never get in a car if he is driving. Never.

And of course, end the relationship.

I would not get in a car with a drunk driver under any circumstances.

I didn’t read the previous thread - how long have you been with him, OP? Remember the first 3-6 months should be the honeymoon period. If you’re dealing with outbursts and harmful destructive patterns of behaviour at this stage it’s time to run.

You’re not married, don’t live together, don’t share kids - zero reason to prolong this.

Yes that's alcoholism. The morning hand tremors is a serious warning sign. He'll be drinking again, probably in secret, to make them stop.

You are in a relationship that will be absolutely dominated by his blood-alcohol level. When he's drying out, all he'll be thinking about is when he can drink again. The arguments you are having are largely fueled by alcohol. Anything you do that will threaten his ability to drink whenever/wherever he wants will be met with hostility and that includes simply pointing out how much he's drinking.

You also need to bear in mind that there's a very good chance you have never seen him properly sober. It's very likely that he's just going from "the beginning of alcohol withdrawals but with still at least some alcohol in his bloodstream" to "flat-out drunk every day". That kind of drinking has a cumulative effect and he'll need to totally abstain for a while, possibly with medical help to do it safely, before you get to see the real, sober him.

If you want to have your life ruled by someone else's alcohol consumption then that is a right that you as an adult have. I wouldn't recommend it, and I certainly wouldn't recommend getting in a car with someone you know has been drinking. But please, for the love of all that is holy, do not bring children into this mess.

YOU need to call the police the next time he drives after a drink.

he’s a disgrace and could kill someone. You will be partly responsible for that if you KNOW he’s been drinking and didn’t report it.

Why haven't you reported him for drink driving? How would you feel if he killer someone?

Yes he has a serious problem.
That problem comes with breaking the law (the drink driving), lying, being unpredictable and unreliable and selfish.

Please leave him before he brings you down with him. Also, please tell the police about his drink driving before he kills or injures someone.

Please just leave him. Nothing in this for you. And please report the drink driving, he will kill someone and walk away with scratches himself!

Why are you even speaking to a drunk driver? Have some respect for yourself and others and end this relationship and report him to the police.

OP, how bad will you feel if he gets in the car one day and kills or injures somebody? Please, end this relationship and report him to the police - what he does at home is his business, but drunk driving affects everyone who encounters him in such a state. He may have been fine so far: I guarantee he won’t always be.

No good ever comes from having a relationship with anyone who has addictions. End it now and move on with your life.

This guy will go to the bottom and take you with him if you don't.

If he is driving while drunk, you need to report him!!

”He usually doesn’t swerve the car but sometimes does “. So he’s a piss head who drives .