Is this alcoholism and how do I proceed?

[Tennisnonpro1123]

People were very helpful on my thread. Basically I think my BF is an alcoholic. He routinely has 4-5 drinks (but they’re mixed, so maybe even more alcohol) before driving the car; it usually doesn’t swerve but sometimes (or his turns/reaction time just seems off). Eye drops and breath minds kept on hand in the car. And the 4-5 drinks while out, are just the beginning: when I first come over to go out to dinner, his breath already smells like alcohol, and when we come home he drinks more alone in kitchen before we go to bed. Starts at about 1pm any day off. In morning, before his first drink, he’ll be shaking his leg & says he has hand tremors & doesn’t know why. But he doesn’t usually seem “drunk,” just spacey.

At least one a week he disappears totally, till like noon the next day. I’ve asked him to text me when he’s home safely after going out. Usually doesn’t. If I ask him to start (or point out he never mentions where he’s going), he blows up at me, saying “aren’t you just the f*cking victim.” I thought he was cheating but maybe he’s just drinking more heavily than on the days I’m with him. Thought about saying that we only seem to fight after “we’ve” been drinking & asking if we can hang out without alcohol. But I don’t know what to expect with an alcoholic

I’m entitled to do whatever I want after the way he’s been treating me, and it was just those stories you post on social media that were notable bc we were going to really cool places.there was no need for me to sit around pining after him after how he treated me. He deserved to have his pictures deleted and to think about how quickly someone else wanted to treat me better than he did

OP I've read all your posts and must tell you that you need serious therapy before you have any future relationships.

Book an appointment and show her/him this thread.

What about YOU treating yourself with a bit of respect? Why is it so crucial for you to jump from one man to another like they’re lily pads and you’re the green speckled frog? Why not spend some time just being you and see if you meet someone nice, who likes you (because if this new man was “honestly more” than a friend, why on earth wouldn’t the two of you be in a relationship already)? The way you carry on makes you incredibly vulnerable to abuse and you don’t seem to care about that as long as you can say you have “a boyfriend”.

🤦‍♀️

He doesn't give a fuck about his pictures being deleted. And he's definitely not spending his time pondering his actions because he's seen you being "treated better". He doesn't care about you.

That’s why I don’t understand why people have a problem with me posting with a new guy. To show I am not spending time wallowing over him either

But why would you even care what this alcoholic waste of space who chose booze over you thought about you now you're with someone else? This just says you haven't moved on at all. You're looking for some weird explanation for the behaviour of an addict. He's not going to wake up and smell the coffee and suddenly stop drinking. He doesn't give a shit. Get some self-respect and grow up.

Because you are spending time thinking about him still. You're deleting photos and posting stories in an attempt to get back at him and show him you're being treated better with another man. It's childish.

You could've left him, without having another man lined up. Get some therapy.

Because you're too messed up to have any boyfriend until you get sorted.

You don't need to show him anything.
You do need to look at all this in therapy.
You're not ready for a relationship until you understand more about yourself and why it took so long for you to see the red flags and walk away. Unless you do this work (in therapy) you're very much at risk of walking into another disaster I'm afraid.
Well done for leaving him though, that is a massive step forwards.

I guess your father was emotionally unavailable or otherwise absent to you. That’s where the rot really started if that is the case.

You are still very much in the mindset that no one quality (like he) will ever love you and you remain v much attracted to emotionally unavailable men. You’re the codependent fallback girl. Sadly you will just continue to jump from one crap relationship to yet another and another until you finally wise up and realise that you are worth more. Love your own self for a change.

Sure. You're so over your ex that you deliberately make a point to show him that you've got together with someone else to make sure he knows that you're not "wallowing over him".

Meanwhile you're jumping from one bad relationship into a new one without giving yourself time to heal. Worse, you're getting with someone who's been after you for a while but you've held back which suggests you're probably not really that into because if you were you'd have been with him all along, wouldn't you?

Nevertheless this new guy is in to you and now you've split with your ex you a) want your ego stroked, b) want to flaunt the new guy to get back at your ex, and maybe c) can't cope with the idea of being on your own for a bit so you're grabbing on to the first opportunity that presents itself.

This is your one life. Live it how you choose. Just know that flitting from one bad relationship to another without giving yourself the time and space to learn and grow from the failures is not a recipe for long-term happiness.

The guy I posted with isn’t really anything. He left his wife & kids across the country so while he is “separated” (and his wife is well aware he’s dated others), he won’t formally get divorced bc of religious & financial reasons. For the last 8 years, he & I have been intensely & passionately into each other with the spark never actually fading. We’ll do toxic things to each other out of jealousy (ex. When i began dating others since he wasn’t getting an official divorce, he’d message me incessantly or even show up & lurk in the bushes at the place i said i was having a date). He kept after me even when I blocked his # for a year once in a relationship w my alcoholic loser ex. Yes we do have sex (perfect as always), but he also keeps planning totally innocent dates w me like long city walks or hiking- way more effort than my alcoholic who would literally only sit around home, tell me to come over, drive us to dinner somewhere 20 min away tops but that was the extent of any weekend plan. (Except for all the nights he went out w me not inviting me of course & then disappeared)

Jesus fucking Christ. So your new man, who treats you so much better, has a wife and kids and has stalked and harassed you in the past?

Get some help, genuinely. You shouldn't be in ANY relationship.

Yeah I'm out. Nuttier than squirrel shit.

He routinely has 4-5 drinks (but they’re mixed, so maybe even more alcohol) before driving the car; it usually doesn’t swerve but sometimes (or his turns/reaction time just seems off)

you've got to be taking the absolute rise posting this on a thread as if you're tacitly accepting it!!!

it usually doesn't swerve - give me strength, I have no words.

ETA - this has to be a troll.

this post can't be real.... no one's this dense!

WTF?! You've left the alcoholic for a married man who has stalked you in the past?

Grow up

With this guy op, you've raised the bar about an inch. It needs to be several meters higher. Until you start to REALLY listen to the advice on this thread you're doomed to rinse and repeat this cycle. It's a cycle of abuse and you need to deal with it. Whatever happened in your life to lower your self esteem like this desperately needs addressing.

God forbid you accidentally fall pregnant by this 2nd guy (or anyone else you meet before you've done a stack of therapy) - you'll end up repeating all of this with children in toe. You need to commit to therapy as much as the last guy needed to commit to getting sober.

NO MORE MEN TIL THERAPY!!

Yes and report the drink driving to the police.

OP's update has convinced that this is all made up. No one is that immature or brainless.

Yeah, we're being played.