Is this alcoholism and how do I proceed?

[Tennisnonpro1123]

People were very helpful on my thread. Basically I think my BF is an alcoholic. He routinely has 4-5 drinks (but they’re mixed, so maybe even more alcohol) before driving the car; it usually doesn’t swerve but sometimes (or his turns/reaction time just seems off). Eye drops and breath minds kept on hand in the car. And the 4-5 drinks while out, are just the beginning: when I first come over to go out to dinner, his breath already smells like alcohol, and when we come home he drinks more alone in kitchen before we go to bed. Starts at about 1pm any day off. In morning, before his first drink, he’ll be shaking his leg & says he has hand tremors & doesn’t know why. But he doesn’t usually seem “drunk,” just spacey.

At least one a week he disappears totally, till like noon the next day. I’ve asked him to text me when he’s home safely after going out. Usually doesn’t. If I ask him to start (or point out he never mentions where he’s going), he blows up at me, saying “aren’t you just the f*cking victim.” I thought he was cheating but maybe he’s just drinking more heavily than on the days I’m with him. Thought about saying that we only seem to fight after “we’ve” been drinking & asking if we can hang out without alcohol. But I don’t know what to expect with an alcoholic

You basically said all this on your other post and took NO notice of anything anyone said. I think OP is a troll.

How many times are you going to post the same kind of thread? The answer is the same each time!

So it looks like you don't live together, keep it that way. Give him the slow fade, he will be too drunk to even notice.

He's a danger to himself and others driving while he's had four large glasses of spirits. It's appalling and only a matter of time before he's arrested or someone dies.

He is in denial saying he doesn't know why he suffers from DTs. He needs to cut down gradually as going cold turkey at this level could be fatal.

Thing is he won't change just because you tell him to. He won't admit his severe illness so you need to leave.

Sad but true. He'll cause heartbreak and pain if you stay.

@Tennisnonpro1123 DRUNK DRIVERS KILL PEOPLE.

He could kill himself, another driver, you... or a child. Which would you choose?

Or would you rather ring the police and get him stopped?

We all went through this on your previous thread. It's not a good relationship, you're not going to fix him, get away and keep safe

he usually just seems a little impaired after as many drinks as he has, not drunk. and the car usually doesn’t swerve but yes sometimes does & reaction time slowed. It would make so much sense if his disappearances overnight were bc he was too wasted, not bc he doesn’t love me. Once I awoke at 5am feeling nervous after not hearing from him on a night he went out and I wasn’t invited, so I drove to his flat and his car wasn’t there. Later when I said I was worried, he said “I went home & went right to sleep.” When I said I’d gone & his car wasn’t there, he said he’d slept at his brother’s, though that was way out of the way from where he’d been, and he doesn’t usually do that.
I don’t know what to say to get through to him and make this better though.

Oh come on. I was married to an alcoholic, so I'm not being obtuse.

Phone the police every fucking time he gets in the car, and post on social media that he's driving drunk with his numberplate so other people can also report him. Otherwise you're complicit in any injuries or deaths he causes.

And for fuck's sake get some self respect and leave him.

You're not married, you don't live together, you don't have kids tying you to this specimen.

You can't control his drinking or turn him into someone he's not. He's a drunk and a liar. He's also dangerous to the public.

Anything less than leaving him immediately is essentially self-harm because what the fuck are you doing questioning this.

You are sounding even more foolish than you did on your previous thread. You are ignoring people's advice, stop posting and wasting people's time. You will get what you deserve. I will only feel sorry for the innocent victims of this drink driving pisshead.

Surely no one is quite this naive and wet?

Bin and move on.

Your naivety is staggering OP.

Hopefully he won't kill one of your friends or relatives while you're standing by watching him do it. Are you going to give him your liver too when his is fucked?

What makes you at all think you can help him?. You have no special powers nor the ability to help him. You are merely his codependent and wilfully blind to the truth re him girlfriend who still thinks she can turn this disaster of a man around.

What makes you think he would at all listen to you when his primary relationship is with drink?. He loves alcohol more and you’re just getting in the way of his drinking time.

It would make so much sense if his disappearances overnight were bc he was too wasted, not bc he doesn’t love me.
You're second best to booze. Have some self-respect and bin the loser.

He doesn’t want you to help him. He doesn’t think he needs help. He thinks you are the problem.
That’s why he ignores you.
Theres no reasoning with stupid!

Phone the police every time you know he’s drink driving and hopefully he’ll get disqualified before he kills someone.

All of this. And frankly I would be reporting the drink driving as well. It devastates lives and families when it ends in tragedy because someone like this is selfish enough to be behind the wheel.

Why would you even want to try?!? He's someone happy to basically operate what is a potential murder weapon!! Maybe you should look up some of the stories of the families who have had relatives killed by people like your bf.

God I am usually not one for giving extreme advice but: you need to call the police on him, tell them where he is going and in hat car/when. He needs to be caught which might give him a wake-up call.

I’m sorry to sound horrible but if anything happens to someone (or him) that will be on you for the rest of your life.

Can you live with that guilt - of someone’s child dying because you didn’t step-up?

“…….I don’t know what to say to get through to him and make this better though.”
You will never “make things better”.
Run for the hills and don’t look back.
You deserve so much better @Tennisnonpro1123

You would be absolutely crazy to stay with this man. Not just because he is an alcoholic and a drunk driver, but because of his reaction to you calling him out on it.

What happened to you op. That your standards are so low, you will get into a car with someone over the limit, knowingly so, be with an alcoholic, worry about not been given a “fair chance” of a relationship with him and take his abuse and lying.

this isn’t about him, he can’t be helped. But why are you so desperate like this?

Because I just believe no one quality can really love me, and when someone does seem super interested in me, I assume they must be a loser and am turned off. I only am attracted to emotionally unavailable men because if their attention isn’t just a “given,” and I have to work for it, then when I achieve it I feel special and validated

That is enormously sad. Please get rid of him and think about some sort of therapy for yourself.

You need to ger help, seek therapy, you’re even getting in the car knowing he may kill uou just to be with this loser.