I don’t like feeling like my actions effect her?

[Monzo235]

Hi. So this might sound a bit strange. But I’m late 20s and I had been single for almost 4 years until about 2 and a half months ago.

we became exclusive officially around 3 weeks ago. And at the time that felt right. Just felt like the natural progression and I wasn’t seeing anyone else anyway.

what I did not expect was this big of a leap. People are now asking when they’re gonna meet her. Asking what our future plans are. Asking if she wants kids and if it’s gonna stop me going ahead with my travel abroad plans etc.

I also don’t like feeling like I have to tell someone when I’m not wanting to message much right now. Or feeling like I have to explain myself. Or meet their parents etc.

I don’t want to feel like I owe anyone anything. Or that I am losing a chance at kids with someone. Or losing their chance. I feel that’s on them to tell me right now as I tried really hard with the last one on that to get her to tell me how she feels. I’m tired of it.

I know this sounds bizarre. But it’s stressing me out a lot. I don’t really know what to do. Even the feeling of ‘I have to break up with her because if I’m feeling this way I owe her x or y’ feels quite frustrating. I feel like I’m having to consider her before everything else.

Then don’t have a relationship. It’s really simple.

she won’t. I’ve told her multiple times about my concerns. Which are legitimate. She’s the one walking right into the frying pan when I’ve repeatedly held up warning signs

Wow. Poor woman.

If you have an iota of basis human respect for her, you’d end it. I don’t think you do have much respect for her though.

Your posting style and what you're saying feels similar to this one. If it is you, you've already received tons of advice. I don't think you're ready for a relationship, and if you really want to be in one you might benefit from some counseling to help you work through some things:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5412333-i-dont-know-how-to-do-this-anymore-29m-35f

It’s not that. I’ve spent weeks trying to talk about my concerns. Trying to pry out of her what she wants. Trying to warn her about future issues that may arise. She’s not brought up anything once serious.

so it’s not that serious to her. So I don’t act that serious now

Ok, what do you want anyone here to say then?

I don’t know. I feel trapped. This happens every time

If you feel trapped, end it. Then you’re no longer trapped. It seems really simple. Are you just too scared to finish things with her?

Honestly. Yeah. Pretty much.

Well if you no longer want to feel trapped then you need to put on your big boy pants and get over it. Or just carry on as you are, feeling trapped, waiting for her to dump you. It’s up to you 🤷🏻‍♀️

She can't read your mind!
It is something that bothers you it might not bother her at all she probably hasn't given any though at all to it so what is there for her to bring up?
To be honest you don't sound as though you are ready for a relationship.

She’s a 36 year old woman dating a 29 year old man who hasn’t said he really wants kids in 3-5 years time. She hasn’t thought about the implications of that at all?

I’d lay money on this being the same poster. Judging by the many, many previous threads on the same subject, he doesn’t actually want any advice, he just wants a sounding board for his endless overthinking. He needs help, but he won’t get it here.

It’s all irrelevant really. You’re not happy, you either end it or don’t. Doesn’t look like she’s going to do it, so it’s on you.

Being exclusive doesn't mean it's an engagement, does it? After such a short time it seems a bit intense. You can find out about plans for kids etc as you go along. You don't need to "intertwine" her with your friends or vice versa, not yet anyway.

She wants me to meet all her friends though. And mine are all asking when they’re gonna meet her.

i dunno. I didn’t think exclusive meant this much

I expect she's not an idiot, she'll be aware of the implications of that decision even if she hasn't discussed them with you.
Which would suggest she isn't bothered. So you either let her make that decision and crack on, or decide you're to scared of everything and end it.

Dunno. At first it was fun. Now I’m just starting to find it a bit weird

Tell the friends they will meet her/ you when you're ready and not before. But if you're so reluctant to have them meet at all, maybe it's a sign that the relationship has run its course and you don't see her as a long term partner.

Stay single.

How do your friends know you've 'gone exclusive'?

Find what weird, not being fussed about children or not discussing it?

It may be that its early days and she's still assessing whether or not your father material. Regardless, if you're unhappy you should end it. Its not supposed to be this hard, and she deserves to be with someone who loves her - not someone who just can't be arsed to sort it out.

No that she’s 36 and dating a 29 year old

I told them