I don't know how to do this anymore? 29m 35f

[johnny2024]

I've been dating a woman for the past 2 months. We've been exclusively seeing eachother for 2 weeks.

I think she's awesome. She's so much fun. She treats me great. The sex is great. She's thoughtful and loyal. She's the perfect partner in a lot of ways.

Except I don't know if this is going to work long term. She is older than me and I want kids. I don't know when I want them but because she's 36 soon that doesn't really give me much time to just see how it develops with her. We'll either have to be fully in thinking about kids in the next 2 years or out. And it's making me feel a lot of pressure.

The pressure isn't coming from her. She's said we can look at options once/if we get that far. and she thinks it's too early to really know if I'm someone she'd have kids with. But also i'm terrified. She can not pressure me as much as she wants, biology isn't something that compromises.

Maybe it's too soon to be worrying about this. But the stress I'm feeling is starting to become a bit unbearable.

She's taking me out for dinner tonight then going on abroad work trips for 2 weeks. I don't know what to do

Too soon give it time.

What will time actually reveal though? What benefit is there to giving it time with this age difference?

The biggest and most important decision you can make is choosing the right person to have children with. Time allows you to make that decision.

Year or 2, 35 is still plenty of time for kids.

sorry I typoed. She's 36. There's also the fact she's 37 in december

I guess I'm more scared of the heartbreak if she isn't

Maybe she is not for you.

You've been exclusive for two weeks. The benefit of giving it time would be to get to know one another and work out whether you want to have that person as your coparent for anything up to 20 years of your life.
As a man, you have more time to start a family than she does, if she turns out not to be the perfect coparent for you.

If she isn’t so what? Yes you’ll have a break up to get over, but the time pressure will be gone.

You do realise that lots of women have kids between 38 and 42, don’t you?

What happens if I don't? That's what I'm afraid of. Loving her but not wanting her as the mother of my kids

I'm pretty massively terrified of breakups. And also I don't want to waste her time if she does want kids

Not that common or easy though?

You've only been dating for 2 months - exclusively for 2 weeks (which implies that you've both been seeing other people for 6 out of the 8 or so weeks that you've been dating. If that person started talking about wanting children with me I'd run a mile.

A whole field of red flags asking is it me he wants or my womb? Age has nothing to do with it.

If you definitely want kids, then I would leave the relationship and find someone closer to your age.

You cannot rush into having kids, it’s a huge commitment and it really needs to be with the right partner. If you stay with her for the next 2 years and she’s then unable to give you the family you want, you’ll end up leaving her, thst wouldn’t be fair on her.

thats my honest opinion but I’m sure some on mumsnet will tell you they had 3 healthy kids starting at 40, so you never know!

You can’t know you are in love with someone after two months of knowing them. So to be thinking about the possibility of children in the future is nuts frankly, sorry but it is. Enjoy getting to know her - you at least have plenty of time - let her worry about her biological clock if that is what she feels she needs to do. I’m not sure you are ready to be dating anyone if your introduce this future thinking so early in the relationship. You need to apply the brakes my friend.

It's smart to be aware that time is limited for optimum fertility but Tbh I think you are overthinking this.
Time is very much on your side.
Less so perhaps your GF but you like her and want children so that's a big positive. But you just don't know yet if this is the right one. You need to just be a bit more in the moment and less focused on the 'what ifs' park these thoughts for 6 months and just enjoy the new relationship.

If she was 5 years younger, you could still decide that she wasn't the perfect coparent after a while, or vice versa. How does her age change the situation for you?

You've been dating for two months. There won't be any heartbreak if you end it now. You aren't compatible if you have such issues with her age and two weeks of exclusively dating is too soon to think about children for anyone.

I hadn't been for about 6 weeks of that.

I know but her being 36 I feel it's more urgent than normal. If she doesn't want or can't have kids. For whatever reason. I'd want to know early so I can get out. It's important to me

This is the longest I've dated anyone in 4 years though. So there would be for me

Find someone closer to your age.

But isn't the whole point of dating to figure out if they are the one to make a family with? It is for me at least.

It's more it's just going very well. But this is celarly something that could become a roadblock later?

Why did you choose to go out with a 36 year old? If it feels impossible you should apologise and move on asap.

Don't get involved with people if you're scared of emotions

It's her time. She doesn't seem bothered about wasting it.

I think you're realising that you don't want children until you're 40. Be honest. End the relationship