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Original poster

Husband wants a divorce, we’ve got a baby

513 replies

Thepebblesareblue · 27/09/2025 09:00

We have a 9 month old DS and my husband of not yet 3 years has announced he wants a divorce. He says we have changed since becoming parents and he doesn’t think we get along now. He doesn’t think he can give me what I need emotionally or that he makes me happy, and feels as though he is the one continually compromising. When I asked him for examples he didn’t really have any. He has been saying he’s unhappy since baby was maybe 4 months old, I’ve listened each time and taken on board what he’s said.

What can I do? I’m supposed to be returning to work on Friday after maternity leave, this is not how I imagined the last week of maternity leave would be. I’m reeling and feel as though I am carrying such a lot at the moment. He’s said he is willing to go to counselling but feels very stuck in the current situation and does not see it changing.

The silver linings I guess, I have more family support & practical help nearby. We could move in with family if we needed to. He does not, at all. The relatives he does have don’t live very near. Neither of us could afford the family home on our own so it would mean selling. He works long hours, including weekends and sometimes works away so I have no idea how he’d have our son 50% of the time like he claims he hypothetically would like to. I’m supposed to be returning part time, I don’t know how I can afford to do that on my own.

I feel really sick to my stomach. Confident there is no one else, as I asked and have seen his phone. Never say never but I’m as sure as I can be.

Our baby is so little, this is not what I had imagined at all. We have experienced the stresses of new parenthood but I honestly thought we’d weather them and mutually accept it as a phase of life.

OP posts:
Scandidandi · 27/09/2025 09:06

Totally shit for you and your kid. I’m going to be blunt….i would put my life on it that he’s having an affair
you are better off without him x

Original poster
Thepebblesareblue · 27/09/2025 09:11

Scandidandi · 27/09/2025 09:06

Totally shit for you and your kid. I’m going to be blunt….i would put my life on it that he’s having an affair
you are better off without him x

Thank you, I haven’t ruled it out. I just feel really sick. This would change everything about our circumstances. I have no idea how I’m supposed to return to work so soon.

OP posts:
Rooroobear · 27/09/2025 09:11

I’m so sorry he’s doing this to you but I agree with the above poster. He’s got someone else. Prepare yourself x

Lampzade · 27/09/2025 09:12

Agree with others . He has someone else
Sorry Op

Mumlaplomb · 27/09/2025 09:13

He may well have someone else OP if this feels like a sudden change and you didn’t see this coming.
however whether or not he does I would be making plans to see a solicitor and getting on the front foot with advice.

Rooroobear · 27/09/2025 09:15

As hard as it’s going to be you need to get yourself sorted. Prepare everything you need to house wise, bill wise etc and if you need to move start looking at it now. Do not
be made to feel guilty, do not let him gaslight you. This decision is on him. As the saying goes, get your ducks in a row. As long as you and your dc are ok that’s the main thing.

BeeCucumber · 27/09/2025 09:15

Sorry OP, as pp have said - he’s got another nest to go to. I would suggest talking to a solicitor before you go back to work.

Original poster
Thepebblesareblue · 27/09/2025 09:16

He is saying he’s been unhappy for a while and probably has been saying it since 4 months ish? He said I criticise him too much and make him feel like he’s not doing enough and is therefore a bad dad when I ask him to do more ie help me with the clothes shopping for him or to get involved in his birthday plans

OP posts:
Cinai · 27/09/2025 09:17

It’s not always an affair, a baby changes things and not all relationships survive this. My baby is 1 and I am desperately unhappy with my relationship since he was about 3/4 months old. I’m planning to divorce my husband - and I don’t have an affair. It sounds like you tried to improve things, you could try counselling if he agrees, but I think in the end it will be better to separate than bringing a child up in a marriage that’s unhappy.

Slimtoddy · 27/09/2025 09:18

Interesting that he is willing to go to counselling. Babies are hard work and really change things. It's possible what he is saying is true - he feels the relationship is totally different since having the baby - so maybe counselling might help.

Of course there could be another woman but I think until you know it's probably best to pursue counselling.

Danioyellow · 27/09/2025 09:18

It might not always be an affair, it almost always is though.

SMC1789 · 27/09/2025 09:20

Hey! I’ve been there with my ex who I was with for 10 years. We had a son together and it came totally out of the blue. We had struggled for years in renting and finally bought our own home, next thing, he wasn’t happy and wanted out. He had been having an affair. My advice, don’t waste anymore time on trying to figure him out. Get your plan sorted and move forward. See a solicitor. I’m sorry this is happening.

Enough4me · 27/09/2025 09:21

You could use counselling to help see if there are issues to resolve and to separate amicably if that's the right option after talking about the issues.
I too expect the issue may be another woman.

Rooroobear · 27/09/2025 09:22

Most men are different to women though. Most women leave a man because of things that have been happening in their relationship, such as feeling like they are doing it all etc, resentment building up. Nearly always, a man leaves for another woman. Jump on me if you want but it’s often the case

isthesolution · 27/09/2025 09:23

I don’t think I’d be doing anything right now. He is the one with a problem so let him be the one to find the solution!

Dery · 27/09/2025 09:27

I’ve said it a few times on threads recently but becoming a father really sorts the men from the boys. Sadly, sounds like your husband is still a boy who doesn’t like no longer being the centre of your attention.

The early years of parenting are very demanding and hard on the couple relationship. Responsible adults in a healthy relationship who’ve just brought an additional, very dependent human into the world recognise this and proceed accordingly - they don’t just cut and run.

And even if there’s no specific other woman, he’s almost certainly had his head turned by the lifestyle of colleagues who don’t have pressing family commitments.

Sorry you’ve been so badly let down, OP. How painful and disappointing for you.

Whatachliche · 27/09/2025 09:28

I’m so sorry OP. Sadly I agree with pp and based on my own experience and others I have witnessed: sounds like there is an affair. especially if he is happy to divorce even if he cant afford to keep the family home - very likely he has another home (the ow home) lined up. his confidence the can do 50% childcare with working hours that make it impossible also points to another woman is being lined up. i have seen men using the therapy setting to press on with their agenda to jump ship, so urge you be very very careful there. I’d get legal advice asap, lean on family for child care and go back to work as planned to secure your financial future.

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 27/09/2025 09:30

So he’s sulking because your attention is taken up with a new baby and isn’t all on him. He hates fatherhood because he’s selfish, yet thinks he will be able to have the baby 50%? Ha! Tell him he can start practicing now by looking after the baby 50% of the time.

Becoming parents is hard. There’s no two ways about it. Most decent men realise that and you work through the bad bits together. Selfish twats like yours OP run away.

Reachedtheend · 27/09/2025 09:32

He says we have changed since becoming parents

What a ridiculous thing for him to say. Of course you , and your relationship, will have changed since becoming parent. That's the norm, or it should be, when you have a new baby , who you were both responsible for creating and whose care should be the primary focus of both your lives.
I'm sorry OP but he sounds like one of the many men on MN who can't cope with not being the centre of your universe.
We don't know whether he has found consolation elsewhere but he will be following a well trodden path if he has.

It's awful for you OP but I agree with pp that you should take legal advice and prepare yourself for the future.

Dozer · 27/09/2025 09:32

Very sorry this has happened. It sounds like ‘the script’ or that he has failed to adapt to becoming a parent.

What is he like as a parent, now?

What had you planned regarding work for your return: were you going to work full time and share the weekday parenting equally? (your post suggests that since having your DC he has continued to work long hours

If the plan was for you to be part time and/or cover most or all the weekday parenting suggest you should now review and probably change that, right from now, since he has expressed his intent to end your relationship.

In your shoes I would be planning for separation and wouldn’t want 50/50 in the short term and would be seeking legal advice asap. Whilst encouraging your soon to be ex to be a decent parent and do a fair share.

Some of this type of man seem to become a deadbeat dad, only parenting their DC every other weekend, not paying as much maintenance as they should and so on.

99bottlesofkombucha · 27/09/2025 09:34

Thepebblesareblue · 27/09/2025 09:16

He is saying he’s been unhappy for a while and probably has been saying it since 4 months ish? He said I criticise him too much and make him feel like he’s not doing enough and is therefore a bad dad when I ask him to do more ie help me with the clothes shopping for him or to get involved in his birthday plans

Ah. He finds the truth to uncomfortable and getting rid of the person telling it to him seems like an easier fix than being a good dad. Tell him ‘you can leave us, but don’t look in the mirror and think any of this makes you a good dad. That little voice in your head saying she’s making me feel like a bad dad- that voice only exists because you aren’t a very good dad, and your child simply isn’t important enough for you to try to be. Look the truth in the face - soon enough you’ll be single but you’ll either be a dad with very low contact, so an even worse dad than now, or a dad who literally doesn’t see your child because that makes your life easier- I wish our child had a better dad but you’re clearly not interested in changing.

Pleasealexa · 27/09/2025 09:34

I'm so sorry, what an awful thing to do to you and your baby. Utterly selfish and self absorbed.

The saying is "men leave when they have somewhere to go to, women leave when they have no where to go"

Life might not be that rosy when you have a baby but most decent men realise it's a phase and look at the longterm future.

Practically, get support from your family. Don't hide this. How flexible is your work? Perhaps going back could be a distraction if it's not too demanding.

Get him to leave as him threatening but not following through leaves you in limbo.
He has a choice, stay and commit to marriage or leave now.

I'm sorry, too many men believe the grass is greener but many regret their actions . Your H will have to come to terms with what he has done to you and his baby son. Ime only very weak men do this.

Merseymum1980 · 27/09/2025 09:34

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 27/09/2025 09:30

So he’s sulking because your attention is taken up with a new baby and isn’t all on him. He hates fatherhood because he’s selfish, yet thinks he will be able to have the baby 50%? Ha! Tell him he can start practicing now by looking after the baby 50% of the time.

Becoming parents is hard. There’s no two ways about it. Most decent men realise that and you work through the bad bits together. Selfish twats like yours OP run away.

I agree its probably this

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 27/09/2025 09:36

Contact your work, tell them what's going on and ask if you can delay your return and/or go back full time. Sounds like he's got somebody else in the wings.
Start leaving him with the baby to look after ... just going out, see you later.

SweetMotherofAbrahamLincoln · 27/09/2025 09:36

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 27/09/2025 09:30

So he’s sulking because your attention is taken up with a new baby and isn’t all on him. He hates fatherhood because he’s selfish, yet thinks he will be able to have the baby 50%? Ha! Tell him he can start practicing now by looking after the baby 50% of the time.

Becoming parents is hard. There’s no two ways about it. Most decent men realise that and you work through the bad bits together. Selfish twats like yours OP run away.

Totally agree

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