OP, this is a lousy thing to happen to you on top of everything else you are experiencing. You are not alone, and there are resources out there to help you.
You did not ask for this level of detail, but, in a sad similar position to you, my brain was paralysed and my heart was broken, so, I’ll leave it here fur you to read when you are ready.
• Immediate Legal Priorities - Do this TODAY!
a. Do not rely on “let’s just cooperate.”
You must have formal clarity — particularly because your husband works irregular shifts and is already talking about 50/50 care (which may not be realistic given your baby’s age and his schedule).
b. Document current arrangements
*Keep written or digital record of who provides day-to-day care, who does the feeding, medical appointments, night wakings, etc. Consider using an app like OurFamilyWizard which many UK courts recommend.
*Update his work schedule and absences (especially weekends or overnight trips). This helps establish the status quo, which courts usually favour for stability — particularly for an infant.
c. See a family solicitor promptly
Ask specifically about a Child Arrangements Order. This will formalise custody/residence and contact schedules if you cannot agree later.
You do not have to start proceedings immediately — but early legal advice will help you understand your rights before he acts first or suggests informal shared care that doesn’t suit your child’s needs.
• Child Custody (now called “Child Arrangements”)
*For a 9-month-old, courts prioritise stability and continuity of care, not a mathematical 50/50 split.
*Since you’ve been the primary carer during maternity leave, it is likely you’ll be recognised as the “resident parent.”
*Realistic arrangements often mean the father has shorter or day-only contact initially, especially if he works shifts or travels.
What to do:
*Keep routines consistent — this strengthens your position that stability is in your child’s best interest.
*Avoid letting him take the baby overnight until there’s a settled, age-appropriate arrangement agreed (ideally with legal advice or mediation support).
• Financial Protection Steps
a. Gather all financial documents now
Make copies of:
*Mortgage statements, bank statements, pensions, payslips, tax returns, and savings/investment accounts.
*House bills and childcare costs (to demonstrate your financial contribution and needs).
Store these securely — even digitally, outside the family home if necessary.
b. The house (50/50 ownership)
You each own half legally, but the court can adjust the beneficial entitlement to reflect childcare responsibilities, needs, and income.
For example, if you remain the primary carer, you may have a stronger case for:
*Remaining in the home temporarily under “occupation” or “Mesher” orders, or
*Receiving a larger share of the sale proceeds to rehouse yourself and the baby.
c. Do not move out voluntarily (unless advised)
Leaving can weaken your position regarding both property and custody. If safety or stress is an issue, consult your solicitor about how to manage the living arrangements safely.
d. Child maintenance
Your husband earns more and the baby lives primarily with you, he will owe child maintenance.
This can be calculated via the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) once you’re separated — even if the divorce isn’t finalised.
Find and Keep records of his income (payslips, employment pattern).
e. Spousal maintenance (possibly short-term)
If you can’t cover expenses returning part-time, ask your solicitor about interim spousal maintenance — especially if your earning capacity was reduced due to childcare and maternity leave.
• Practical Next Steps
- Book a consultation with a family law solicitor – ideally one accredited by Resolution (in England/Wales) or the Law Society’s Family Law panel (in Ireland).
- Contact your mortgage provider to alert them to possible changes — do not default on payments.
- Speak to your employer’s HR about your situation — you might be eligible for flexible working or delaying your return while things stabilise.
- Line up your support system – if moving in with family is an option, discuss what that would look like financially and practically (but check with your solicitor before moving).
• Emotional & Legal Crossover
You’re still within the postpartum period and dealing with PPD — courts take the welfare of the child and the primary carer seriously.
Make sure your GP and health visitor are aware; this both supports your recovery and creates a clear record that you are proactively managing your wellbeing and your baby’s care.
••••Summary Checklist••••
✅ Gather financial records
✅ Keep care logs of your baby
✅ Get legal advice before agreeing to custody or house sale terms
✅ Explore CMS calculation for maintenance
✅ Maintain possession of the home if possible
✅ Record any communication about separation and custody
Good luck to you! You are not the only woman to deal with this kind of crap and those of us who have gone before will share our wisdom so you don’t make the mistakes we did.