Really Heartbroken Part 2

[YourBrickTiger]

Someone suggested I post here, under a new title, so I hope it's not too repetitive but as always I value your support and help.

Hello, so I thought I'd post again, hope it's ok. There is a guy at work who is now showing me a lot of attention and he has told me that he knows it's making 'THE guy' jealous, but I'm not interested. But just an example of the behaviour that is condoned in here. And this one has me a bit shaken but I am so not interested in this guy in this way and have told him so. He is coming on really strong anytime he sees me alone and I just freeze. I am hopeless at dealing with this. He has my number as I legitmately thought he was a friend and now he is texting to say 'do you want a ride?'. I said in no uncertain terms 'no I don't, please stop that'. At work today, he comes up to me when we are alone and says 'I want to take you into the bathroom and bend you over the sink, I want to touch your boobs'. He then said 'when was the last time you had sex?' I just froze. I'm not in any way someone who has ever or will ever 'put it about', and I don't give out that impression to anyone. I've only ever slept with people I am in a relationship with. The last person I slept with was the man you all know about - and I deeply loved him. I don't even want to sleep with someone else while I'm going through what I am at the minute (those of you who know my story know what I mean). He even said he had an erection and showed me through his trousers. Luckily other members of the team arrived, but what am I doing wrong that this is now happening? I haven't given him any romantic interest, and don't discuss my love life/ex boyfriends or anything. He does know I was involved with 'the other guy' but I've made it clear that that was because I loved him.

But you know he's a worthless piece of rubbish. That's who he is. Nobody can change him. It's not about being not enough for him. I've just passed a homeless woman in a sleeping bag outside Tesco. She's too good for him. He's good enough for nobody.

Thank the Lord you escaped from this fool who'd have ruined your life.

This is about your self esteem not him.

Please for the love of God explain to us why you want to spend your life with a sexual abusing misogynistic twerp. That's the key, not Vietnamese women, supermodels or his sister's friends.

I hope someone reports him to the police.

All I know for sure is I fell in love. That's all I know for sure. And I am SO STUCK because IN MY MIND, if he was so awful and abusive to me, but then goes on to perhaps date someone else, it must mean he is not that bad. And that that other woman must have a quality I don't.

@Cookingupmyfirstbornson I know you can't make someone love you. I get that. But there is something within me that makes me think I must have been so awful to deserve what he's done. And if he is going to start seeing someone else it once again makes me feel so unworthy of any form of love. He told me I was his soulmate and then asked me to just give him time. Then all of a sudden it's like it never happened and I was nothing. His actions have left me feeling so completely worthless so I wonder what it is that she might have that makes her worthy.

I know it's hard to understand but that's where my thoughts are. I had one counselling session but it was an assessment so just waiting for the follow up.

Abusers are always bad. When they go on to date someone else, that person doesn't know they're abusers until later. Then on and on it goes. He's just a liar.

@YourBrickTiger please this does not come from any place of malice but it’s not love now, it’s not even heartbreak. It is obsession and compulsive thoughts which are making you feel paranoid and anxious and you need help moving on and managing these big feelings

Myself and other posters here we have experienced heartbreak, it’s awful, I know. But you cannot mentally move on as you do not have the tools or the capacity, and this is why you need to reach out for mental health support.

You admit being stuck in your mind and no matter what anyone says to you, nothing will change this perception.

You are now constantly torturing yourself day in day out. I think people should stop enabling this behaviour on the thread by trying to change the perception, I think it is not helping OP as she is self flagellating and harming herself. If we repeat to go and get help from a professional maybe this is the best way of communicating I don’t know

OK that is scary, but thank you. It is hard when I don't even understand what is happening to myself. I'm frightened.

It is scary I agree, and for us watching you go through this, it’s upsetting as we all feel very powerless to help you. It’s clear people really want to help you but nothing is helping.

Can you call your GP?
you need to explain you are having some upsetting thoughts that are causing you a lot of distress and that you would like some help to make them go away or feel better

It’s like being stuck in a hamster wheel - you need a safe helping hand to step off. But you can get off, just this place of MN probably isn’t going to give you what you need (and nor is that man)

What is making this happen to me? Any idea at all?

Whatever is happening, it's not your fault, so don't blame yourself. I think you mentioned before that you have ADHD (or suspected ADHD).

I have ADHD too (as well as autism) and it can result in us experiencing intrusive, obsessive, or hyperactive thoughts, which can be out of our control.

You need to focus on the actions that you can choose, rather than getting caught up in intrusive thoughts about things which are outside of your control.

It can be difficult to regulate these thoughts and you are at the point where you need some outside help.

I know you already reached out to a counselling service a few weeks ago, which was a huge step, but based on some of your replies here I think you need something more urgent from your GP to help you work through this.

It's very scary. Could you just assure me though that even with ADHD NONE of this changes what he has done? Because none of that has been a figment of my imagination I promise.

No not at all, his behaviour is entirely real and clearly very disgusting. He sounds like a miserable bully and misogynist. I hope you'll look back one day and see him for who he really is.

Call your GP tomorrow, lovely. I don't think anything any of us say is going to reassure you for long.

His behaviour is real and he’s awful and it’s not your fault

us telling you to get help is from a kind place and not blame, you have not done anything wrong.

We can’t help you and you deserve better help and to live a happy fulfilled life

How could it possibly mean that? Please explain the connection between him doing coke and him being a prince, surrounded by gorgeous women. What’s your thought process?

Do you seriously think you'd have a good relationship with this person even if he married you? I'd fear for your cats.

Read all your posts @YourBrickTiger and hope you are feeling stronger and more positive now.