Really Heartbroken Part 2

[YourBrickTiger]

Someone suggested I post here, under a new title, so I hope it's not too repetitive but as always I value your support and help.

Hello, so I thought I'd post again, hope it's ok. There is a guy at work who is now showing me a lot of attention and he has told me that he knows it's making 'THE guy' jealous, but I'm not interested. But just an example of the behaviour that is condoned in here. And this one has me a bit shaken but I am so not interested in this guy in this way and have told him so. He is coming on really strong anytime he sees me alone and I just freeze. I am hopeless at dealing with this. He has my number as I legitmately thought he was a friend and now he is texting to say 'do you want a ride?'. I said in no uncertain terms 'no I don't, please stop that'. At work today, he comes up to me when we are alone and says 'I want to take you into the bathroom and bend you over the sink, I want to touch your boobs'. He then said 'when was the last time you had sex?' I just froze. I'm not in any way someone who has ever or will ever 'put it about', and I don't give out that impression to anyone. I've only ever slept with people I am in a relationship with. The last person I slept with was the man you all know about - and I deeply loved him. I don't even want to sleep with someone else while I'm going through what I am at the minute (those of you who know my story know what I mean). He even said he had an erection and showed me through his trousers. Luckily other members of the team arrived, but what am I doing wrong that this is now happening? I haven't given him any romantic interest, and don't discuss my love life/ex boyfriends or anything. He does know I was involved with 'the other guy' but I've made it clear that that was because I loved him.

I’m sorry for my reactions. I’d never deliberately hurt anyone! I’m just so so confused. I don’t interpret the way non neurodiverse do. Sorry for any offence, I just thought that meant his behaviour was justified and based on me not being Vietnamese. I’m just desperate for the pain to stop, the confusion to stop. Sadly I know from experience that unless you have the pills in your hand, the Samaritans won’t do anything.

Oh for goodness sake, I was talking about your response to that particular post. No-one wants you to be in pain hence why many posters here and in your other thread have held your hand through this.

And I dont appreciate your last paragraph which infers I have deliberately said something to hurt someone who is feeling suicidal.

Only you can make the pain stop, and it won’t be overnight. You need to find a way to get him out of your head, and other things in. It’s not easy, but it won’t happen of it’s own accord. Your neurodiversity may well mean you’re obsessing more. But you’re aware of that which is a positive. Do you have strategies you can utilise here to help you move forward ?

I found the Samaritans incredibly helpful on one occasion years ago, and I was not in danger of taking my life. There is other support out there online, and in real life. You need to be proactive here.

He’s a pointless wastrel, you’ve given him far too much time already. Find things to distract you from thinking about him, get support if you need it. Move on with your life. As I said it’s not easy, but neither is it impossible.

I've never read anything so disgusting about someone's place of work and colleagues. If that guy had done that to me I'd not only have gone to HR but the police. You can't have been the only person this happened to if it's the culture. Christ knows what industry this is acceptable in. He also sounds about 13 talking about making someone jealous.

Both these men sound deranged and a danger to the place of work. If you have a union speak to them immediately. They will listen and support. There must be so many unhappy people in your work if it's like this. Speaking to the union is confidential and doesn't mean they will do anything without your consent. You may find others have spoken to them. You'd feel better just for telling them.

How you can imagine you love and fancy someone like that is beyond comprehension. People talk about "getting the ick" when a guy wears the wrong colour socks! This would have rapidly cured me of any lingering thoughts about him. I can't get my head around it.

All these people getting paid for abusive unprofessional workplace conduct. These men are sick and need professional help.

BTW I have ADHD and can see he's a wrong un and it's nothing to do with you. These men belong in prison.

I also work with a man who's a Samaritan in the evenings and you do not need to be at the point of suicide to talk with them, as many times as you want.

Came in just to say sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel like that. I was really panicking as well when I wrote it and know that wasn't your intention. I sincerely apologise.

Would it be different for me if I was Vietnamese though? That's what I'm desperately struggling with as crazy as it sounds because of the original guy's (the one I had the relationship with) obesssion with the place at the age he is. Even his own kids have been brushed aside, in favour of the V's family's children. What is so special about that place that it gets his attention?

OP, it doesn't matter. You are having obsessive thoughts. This thread is not helping you, you are using it to self-flagellate. You need some professional therapy to work though your issues. Anything posted on this thread is just fuel to your obsessive thoughts. Please, log off, and call a GP.

No it wouldn't be different for you if you were Vietnamese. I'm sure in a logical sense, you already know that right? He is just a self-serving man who uses women for sex and self-gratification.

Unfortunately no amount of analysing his past or current behaviours will give you the answers or closure you're looking for.

It's up to you to decide if you want to take your life off hold and move on from this man and your toxic workplace, because at the moment it seems like dwelling on both are only causing you pain and disappointment.

Sorry op but what do you expect people to tell you?

You don't seem to want to listen to people's opinions on here.

You're tying yourself in absolute knots over things that do not matter in the slightest.

You're so concerned about not being good enough for him but look at you've described him?

He's emotionally abused you ffs and so does that make him good enough for you???

You need a good therapist and pronto.

Look at attachment styles. I suspect you may recognise yourself in some of them.

Mithering and dithering about people in asia and what they have that you don't? I mean seriously?

I understand its upsetting you and that's ok. But you should be working on your recovery and healing away from him.

I don't need to tell you he's that he is bad news, you've said it yourself. Why would any sane woman want to be with a man like that?

I suggest you read Mr Unavailable and the fall back girl. I think it will help you very much in this situation.

You need to redivert your attention and focus. You need to either report for sexual harassment or change jobs. Also, please stop blaming your reactions on adhd. That's not adhd, that's your brain, your personality. IF it was adhd, I would also have the same pattern of thinking as I also have adhd. Yes, overthinking and rejection sensitivity dysphoria are part of ADHD, but truthfully, you are using this as an excuse for self pity.

No. But more importantly you need to stop this now. It may well be more difficult as you are neurodivergent but it is not impossible. Stop obsessing on here, and start getting the help and support you need. You are literally wasting your life.

BTW I too have ADHD.

This is not that. You're fixated on him and some thing from your past is causing you to latch onto him.

Gees any guy would be better than this guy.

I seriously think therapy would be a really good option for you and a safe space to work out why this obsession is happening.

Unfortunately op this man is not thinking about you in this manner. You're wasting your energy and precious time on someone who isn't thinking of you.

I've lived and worked in Asia. These men are just creeps. The women go into the relationship for a myriad different reasons from misreading cultural queues, to financial, to escapism, to having few rights so these Western creeps actually look pretty nice to them.... the list goes on. He will not change. It's nothing about you. The only thing you've said about creep 1 is that he hasn't found a way to live in Asia full time. As for creep 2, if you can't report him for yourself, do it for the women he's not yet hurt but will (if he's like this in the office, imagine what he's like in a bar). Good luck.

They only have a few appointments a day. If you don't get one by 830, you miss out and there is always a long waiting list 😭

OP, I remember your last post. This man is a creep, he is sexually harassing you at work. Report it to your boss, and report it to your boss's boss, so it goes higher up at the same time and can't be ignored.

But as pp have said, you need to stop obsessing over him. Just ignore him. Do not engage with him. He is a dirty old lech.

You need some counselling, see if you can access this via your job, if not then see your GP.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/nhs-talking-therapies/

It isn't self pity. I don't want to feel like this. My heart is broken, I've lost my parents and brother and now him. Please believe that, it's pain.

Then go to a walk in centre, call 111, just walk into your GP surgery and say you need urgent help. There are lots of options available to you, but you know this. This isn't the place to debate them.

Would you consider setting an alarm and making sure you're ready in time to call tomorrow morning? I hope you manage to soon, trust me I know taking the step isn't easy, but it sounds like you really need some real-life support.

Am I not welcome here anymore? 😓I know what will happen. They will lock me away. I won't be able to go to work and who will look after my pets? I don't have ANYONE.

Like I said, you are using this thread to self-flagellate, and it isn't helping you. I'm going to stop responding now, and I really hope you go and get some real life support, today, now. X

Keep trying! Or go into the surgery building and ask to speak to a receptionist and explain the situation and how desperate you are.

Are you taking medication?

That's catastrophising. A walk in centre, GP surgery or 111 does not have the ability to "lock [someone] away".

The pp didn't mean you're not welcome here, but that we aren't medical professionals and can only give our opinions.

OP you need professional help because you can't see that your thinking and reasoning is not rational or logical here.