What do I do with this request for space?

[Tennisnonpro1123]

My (37F) boyfriend (36M) said he wants space / time to cool off and just be in his own element following a fight we had. As he told me this, he said that does NOT mean dating / talking to other people. He made me agree that I wouldn’t be dating other people either, or telling anybody in our lives that things were rocky. I referenced how I was gonna go no-contact w him during this time so he could have his space, and he was all “omg no you should still contact me.” Huh? My plan is to go no contact as I told him, bc he’s the one asking for space?
The fight was about his recurring pattern of going out without me (says it’s coworkers or the guys so I’m not invited), then disappearing until like noon the next day. Started asking if he could send a single text saying he got home safe; he didn’t. (Whenever we go out he has 3-5 drinks then drives, & sometimes has swerved the car, so I’d have reason to worry). He always blows up at me, curses, & ignores me for days after I say anything about this

Oh OP. I would be giving him his space forever.

Just make the space permanent, the relationship is one sided and he doesn't really care how you feel. He will be off enjoying himself and if he does meet someone I'm sure he will be suitably single.

Why?

You deserve better from a relationship rather than this man who dictates terms. He needs to be your ex.

Why? Just read your own post! Sorry but it doesn't sound like the best relationship OP.

How long have you been together? Do you live together? If not, I dont think its reasonable to ask him to text you, hes an adult and not your child. BUT he sounds like a jerk so I'd dump him anyway.

Well a DUI will happen or worse

Just tell him not to come back. He's trying to train you into allowing him to do anything he likes re going out/returning as and when he feels like it by making you scared he'll leave permanently if you dare to say anything.

Just dump him.

He's a habitual drunk driver. He compartmentalises his life to exclude that from his socialising. He deals with disagreement by blowing up at you, cursing and then giving you the silent treatment. He wants you to lie.

How many more reasons do you need?

Indeed so.

LTB

Because he’s a fucking dick.

Can’t believe you are asking ‘why?’ when posters are telling you to get rid of the twat!!

ffs 🤦‍♀️🥴

The drink driving alone would be enough for me.

And thats before the disappearing for over 24 hours when he's supposedly "out with the boys", the blowing up, swearing, and silent treatment whenever you dare disagree with him.

Why aren't you seeing this as a lucky escape?

hes a cock lodger…probably lodging his cock with some other landlady as well.
have self-respect and find someone who you deserve…not this arsehole!

Because he’s an abusive twat - is that not a good enough reason?

I agree with this !

I agree with this !

I agree ! I think he wants to be off somewhere without being called and questioned
.
Wonder who’s bed he is in untill 12 o’clock the following days.

@Tennisnonpro1123 he is training you to accept his shocking behaviour towards you

He’s unreliable, he’s a regular drunk-driver, he “blows up” at you when you try to discuss things like adults and he abuses you with curses and the silent treatment.

DUMP HIM.

The drink driving would be enough for me. Do you fancy visiting him in prison when he kills someone? Jeez.

Why do you get in a car with someone who has had 3-5 drinks? That is horribly unsafe. He’s doing everything on his terms and riding roughshod over your wishes. He wants space. He says you can’t date anyone. He says don’t tell friends or family about the situation. He’s controlling, he’s a drink if not a drunk driver, and he can’t have a conversation that escalates into a disagreement without blowing up at you. He sounds like a total manchild and yet he’s in his late 30s. What a prince. Get rid.

You’re both nearly 40 and acting like late teens. This isn’t a relationship with longevity. You’re wasting your precious years on this man.

This!

He is trying to train you into accepting his behaviour. You have questioned him and said how he behaves is not acceptable so you are now having the punishment. Afterwards he is expecting you to not question him again and with the threat of this 'space' requirement. He's a dick.

Anyway regardless of this he drink drives. This is reason enough to LTB