What do I do with this request for space?

[Tennisnonpro1123]

My (37F) boyfriend (36M) said he wants space / time to cool off and just be in his own element following a fight we had. As he told me this, he said that does NOT mean dating / talking to other people. He made me agree that I wouldn’t be dating other people either, or telling anybody in our lives that things were rocky. I referenced how I was gonna go no-contact w him during this time so he could have his space, and he was all “omg no you should still contact me.” Huh? My plan is to go no contact as I told him, bc he’s the one asking for space?
The fight was about his recurring pattern of going out without me (says it’s coworkers or the guys so I’m not invited), then disappearing until like noon the next day. Started asking if he could send a single text saying he got home safe; he didn’t. (Whenever we go out he has 3-5 drinks then drives, & sometimes has swerved the car, so I’d have reason to worry). He always blows up at me, curses, & ignores me for days after I say anything about this

Are you joking? You are trying to prove that you will give him what he needs? Wtfffff

What you need is to dump his ass. He isn’t giving you what you need. And that is someone who doesn’t blow up and give you the silent treatment for days and doesn’t need “space”. You are tolerating abusive behaviour whilst trying to please him? It doesn’t make sense. Dump or regret it I suppose. Your choice.

Stop trying to be cool and stop trying to prove to him you can give him what he needs.

It is about time you started thinking about what YOU want. And in your shoes, that would be to get out of this horrible relationship. He treats you like dirt and expects you to obey his demands, put up with his shit, and not question anything.

Give him his space, and then YOU can decide whether you actually want to be in this relationship any more or not. And don't go rushing headlong into another relationship either.

The biggest favour you can do is find out where and when this twat gets behind a wheel drunk and call the police. Do you want it on your conscience if he kills someone knowing what he does?

Reasons for giving him 'space' and not bothering to contact him again:

1. He drinks daily
2. He drives under the influence of alcohol
3. He gets angry and swears at you when you express concern about his behaviour
4. He wants to control who you can see (or talk to about your relationship) while he decides if he wants to be in a relationship with you
5. He immediately thinks about 'seeing' other people while he detaches from you

I can't think of any reasons for staying with him.

This is surely a wind up?

if not, OP, scrape you confidence and bar off the floor and raise it above you head. You are dating a criminal and he sounds like an absolute twat.

Yes.

he wants space / time to cool off and just be in his own element following a fight we had not an issue in itself, but how long is he talking here? I'm guessing not an hour on his own to cool off which is what any usual 'cool off' would be?

telling anybody in our lives that things were rocky so you're not allowed to talk this out with your family or friends?

The fight was about his recurring pattern of going out without me (says it’s coworkers or the guys so I’m not invited), then disappearing until like noon the next day. he has absolutely 0 respect for you.

Whenever we go out he has 3-5 drinks then drives, & sometimes has swerved the car, so I’d have reason to worry). what happens when he crashes one day, and kills someone, or you for that matter - do you actually happily get in the car with him on these occasions? I've been with my husband for 15 years and if he chose to drink then drive I would absolutely end the relationship, even after all this time.

He always blows up at me, curses, & ignores me for days after I say anything about this Why do you accept this treatment for yourself? How long have you bee together? how long has he been like this?

what are his redeeming features as nothing i see in your OP including his attempt to control whether or not you are in his 'space' or not is making me see any

Only have it at home/associated with you etc, if IT significantly improves your life.
If not, you are thousand times better off on your own!
How comes I knew this since the age of THIRTEEN???
Fuck sake.

I wouldn’t be getting in a car with anyone you know to be over the drink drive limit.

Read your own OP. What makes ypu think this relationship is enhancing your life in any way?

That’s why I’m trying to be cool right now and prove to him I’m someone who will give him what he needs

FFS. I can't believe any woman can get to your age and still spout this shit. You need to raise your standards MASSIVELY. Stop trying to be cool to impress a boy. You should have outgrown this behaviour by 15.

Seriously.

Why, would you only be doing it to make this looser jealous and hope that he would crawl back?…..honestly, it’s no wonder so many women out there are stuck in hideous relationships when they have the mentality that you have…..desperately trying to hang onto complete losers ……have some self respect dear,

I know….this woman ( the OP) sounds like a desperate half wit

Disappearing overnight? Doesn’t want to actually break up?

It’s drugs, cheating or both.

Stop trying to be the cool girl here; you're an adult of 37 and not a child of 15.

Absolutely this , sounds horrible person.
Op you can fo better and deserve better

Absolutely this , sounds horrible person.
Op you can fo better and deserve better

What good do you get out of this, op? Does he make you happy? Or are you always walking on egg shells and worrying where he is, how he is and what mood he's in?

Oh wise up

Any man who goes out with his mates and stays out till midday the next day is up to something, he just thinks you are the silly little fool at the sidelines that will wait around for him
Also no man who is interested in a woman asks to take a break, if he valued you he would be desperately trying to hang on to you.

To be honest from what you have written so far you sound exactly like the type of woman that men like him can walk all over / treat badly and you just come crawling back for more and he knows this

He's an arsehole, get rid.

Maybe dont worry about seeing anyone and work out why you are so desperate for a relationship that you are willing to tolerate utter trash, because honestly he sounds awful. Just the drink driving alone is scummy sorry, but he sounds like he is asking for a break so he can go out without having to check in, so he wants to act single but doesn't want you dating anyone else.

If you were teens this might be remotely understandable but you are in your thirties and he is acting like a child, this is what you want in a relationship?

You can't argue with stupid

Please tell us you don’t have children OP