What do I do with this request for space?

[Tennisnonpro1123]

My (37F) boyfriend (36M) said he wants space / time to cool off and just be in his own element following a fight we had. As he told me this, he said that does NOT mean dating / talking to other people. He made me agree that I wouldn’t be dating other people either, or telling anybody in our lives that things were rocky. I referenced how I was gonna go no-contact w him during this time so he could have his space, and he was all “omg no you should still contact me.” Huh? My plan is to go no contact as I told him, bc he’s the one asking for space?
The fight was about his recurring pattern of going out without me (says it’s coworkers or the guys so I’m not invited), then disappearing until like noon the next day. Started asking if he could send a single text saying he got home safe; he didn’t. (Whenever we go out he has 3-5 drinks then drives, & sometimes has swerved the car, so I’d have reason to worry). He always blows up at me, curses, & ignores me for days after I say anything about this

He’s got a chocolate knob, hasn’t he?

There must be thousands of men like him out there considering all the women that want to stay in rubbish, abusive relationships with them.

As others have said he is stringing you along whilst seeing others ..it’s pretty clear OP …you are his standby, insurance person to feed his ego

He drink drives every day and you worry about HIS safety? You’re as bad as him

He drives drunk. He's going to maim or kill someone someday. POS.

He drinks every day, so is likely an alcoholic.

Never contact him again unless you want a lifetime of shit consequences from enabling someone who drives drunk.

Just bc he does have 3 or 4 liquor drinks or glasses of wine before driving and does drink daily?

You hath jumped the shark.

This is a troll surely? I can't see a woman in her late 30's being this stupid and disingenuous. Admittedly I haven't read the thread going on after this post so this question may be answered
I will plough on

Yep it’s definitely a wind up

Nope read it all. The OP is either 14, really stupid or as I suspected, a troll

10 minutes of my life I'll never get back

You are being punished. The fact he thinks he has a right to tell you not to confide what’s happening to the people you are close to is concerning! He probably is ashamed of his behaviour and wants to make sure no one tells you he is out of order. That alone would be reason enough to end it. But disappearing till noon the next day and refusing to tell you he’s ok sounds suspicious. And drinking and driving? Absolutely unacceptable. Respect yourself you deserve better. Give him his space permanently

Why are you trying to prove anything to him? He doesn’t sound worth it 😞

How are you both that far into your 30s and still doing this shit.

Honestly OP from what you've said, you should be the one taking space. He sounds like an absolute roaster. Drink driving is scummy.

I mean - yes!
At the very least he's not into you. He doesn't want to be with you. You need to get some self esteem and end this joke of a relationship!

Yup. Now OP is just being goady.

But what do YOU need? Do not base your entire life on trying to mould yourself into someone he wants you to be. It sounds like you might have very low self esteem/worth.

It sounds like this whole thing is just him dictating arbitrary terms and you are going along with them.

I promise you that healthy relationships are NOT full of this kind of insane drama.

IME someone saying they want space is what they think is a gentle way of breaking up with you...only this one wants to keep you available in case he changes his mind. He's got a fucking nerve, making you promise not to see anyone else while he does as he pleases and refuses to answer any questions.
Then there's the drinking and driving issue, swearing at you ,and ignoring you for days.. what's to recommend him?
He doesn't respect you, he never will, so it's best that you don't humiliate yourself further by hanging on for crumbs.

“Whenever we go out he has 3-5 drinks then drives, & sometimes has swerved the car, so I’d have reason to worry..”

That is enough!

I understand that people do not believe I should be with this man bc he drives drunk. I assumed maybe 4-5 drinks over an evening was okay for a man because he told me he had “high tolerance.”
I only wanted to know how to proceed since I do want to be with him. the entire relationship he’s just been emotionally detached (besides the frequent nights disappearing, also limited texting, eyes darting around & seeming bored when in both my company & my friends’, often truncating the amount of time we spend together & just seeming bored & impatient talking to me or also his own friends for too long or too in depth/about emotional topics), so I’ve tried to not need anything and be cool and laid back. But clearly me asking for a goodnight/got home text did push him over the edge and the only thing I can think to do right now is go no contact (even though he told me pls don’t feel like I can’t text right now).

He says he has a high tolerance. So yes, he's telling you he has an alcohol problem. Doesn't mean he's legal or safe to drive.

Stop wasting your time on this man. He's clearly just not into it. You don't want to be with what he's actually offering but an idea of what it could be

Oh have some sense, the fact that people think you shouldn’t be with this guy has very little to do with the fact he has a few drinks, and I won’t bother spelling it out for you because it’s right in front of your eyes and even if I did spell it out somehow I don’t think It would sink in

Clearly a wind up. Op jumped the shark with ‘…just because he has 3 or 4 drinks and drives and drinks everyday’ 😂

No woman is this thick!

Agree, he’s just not that into her

@Tennisnonpro1123 - why do you want to be with him? He’s a tosser. He goes out without you and goes AWOL. He drunk drives (it’s not okay). He bullies you into silence when you try to call him to account. What did you learn about relationships growing up that makes this guy seem like a keeper? Because he really isn’t.

Hmm…..I think this one might be

Hadn’t read on, see lots of others have come to same conclusion.

If so that is truly frightening, hope no DC involved!