What do I do with this request for space?

[Tennisnonpro1123]

My (37F) boyfriend (36M) said he wants space / time to cool off and just be in his own element following a fight we had. As he told me this, he said that does NOT mean dating / talking to other people. He made me agree that I wouldn’t be dating other people either, or telling anybody in our lives that things were rocky. I referenced how I was gonna go no-contact w him during this time so he could have his space, and he was all “omg no you should still contact me.” Huh? My plan is to go no contact as I told him, bc he’s the one asking for space?
The fight was about his recurring pattern of going out without me (says it’s coworkers or the guys so I’m not invited), then disappearing until like noon the next day. Started asking if he could send a single text saying he got home safe; he didn’t. (Whenever we go out he has 3-5 drinks then drives, & sometimes has swerved the car, so I’d have reason to worry). He always blows up at me, curses, & ignores me for days after I say anything about this

Why? He’s only mean when I try to insinuate he could text me once instead of disappearing multiple nights till the next day when out. And yes he does have 5+ liquor drinks every day and drives but no one is perfect. I just don’t know what to do when he says he’s never had a relationship more than surface level bc that’s how he liked it, and seems not to care when I’m upset

Op give him all the space he needs, your just fwb, ( service level) yep just another term,
So as long as your happy being a fwb that's OK no problems them

I think you should give him a call and ask him where he is and how much he has drank today, letting him know you care will be an important step in winning him back I think

How has this thread not been taken down yet?

Agree. It’s pretty offensive and deliberately ridiculing genuine victims stuck in abusive relationships

It’s hurtful to think people think I’m so stupid I can’t be serious. I’ve been in an actual abusive relationship before. This person isn’t hitting me or yelling at me daily, only if I bring up a topic having to do w accountability. And it might just be the drinking. He also can never finish during sex unless it’s first thing in morning before a drink

You're a troll. A stupid troll.

Please Mumsnet take this down!

Even if you are a troll, do you realise how stupid and blasé you sound?

It's against the law to drink drive and all you care about is your non existent relationship.

You should be shopping him to the police, he could kill someone driving and drinking.

Drink drivers are the absolute scum of the earth because they choose to do it.

How you could ever want to be with someone like that. Pick your self respect up off of the floor.

You must really hate being alone to put up with that.

So my reasoning is that most times he is not swerving the car. He could just have a really high tolerance to drink 4 or 5 drinks during the time we are out

You are definitely stupid.

No one cares about your made up bullshit - get a better hobby

He's just a seasoned drunk. You're doing this just to poke the bear at people.

It's really sad you'd post this for attention. Seek help.

This is not real. Get a life, OP, and stop posting nonsense just to get people to react.

Fake

Yes. The drink driving would be enough for me to leave him. But the rudeness and bad temper and all the other unreasonable behaviour on top of that -- as PP says, he's training you to put up with whatever he wants to do. That includes dropping you and picking you back up whenever he feels like it.

Even if, by good luck, he doesn't kill you in a road accident, he will ruin your life. Please love yourself more, OP. Don't stay in such a bad relationship.

You can’t actually be this stupid.

It doesn't matter if he's swerving the car. He's still drunk enough that his reaction times are significantly slower.

He's going to get someone killed because he's a twat. Maybe himself, maybe you. Maybe someone who's actually innocent in all of this.

He's a cunt. And you're not much better for enabling him.

My step dad drunk drove and ended up in a coma. He was unrecognisable when we went to visit him on hospital. He had 2 bleeds on the brain
. His head had swollen so much. He's never fully recovered from it. Thankfully he drove into a brick wall and didn't injure anyone else

OP Listen to what people are telling you. The drink driving is a huge red flag but so is everything he's saying to you

He doesn't want to be with you properly, but he wants you to want him.

I'll bet you any money if you go no contact with him he will panic and blow your phone up. It's a really unhealthy dynamic and he wants to be in control of it. Let him go, he's not your forever

Stupid and fake

There is no such thing as a “high tolerance to drink” when driving you prat!!!!! If you’re over the limit, you’re over the limit. Breathalysers measure alcohol content in your blood via your lungs, does he have special blood?
You both deserve each other.

If this is real I'm embarrassed for you. Cringe.

Fill your boots.

He definitely gets mean and blows up what should’ve been a simple disagreement (I say “it seems we have different expectations about communication, I think it’s reasonable for you to text once that you’re home safely instead of disappearing all night until noon the next day any time you go out and I’m not invited”), by cursing at me, saying im talking like a bh or aren’t I just the fcking victim, etc. But other than this one issue and him hardly ever taking me out on real dates (just hangouts w friends and family and alcohol), and zero romance, I thought I didn’t ask for anything so I don’t understand why he wants to drop me

You ask for and get nothing.

And you think it's a good relationship.

Just because he doesn't hit you. There is more than one type of abuse. You're in another abusive relationship.