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Original poster

My husband ruined my birthday

240 replies

Ejx22 · 24/09/2025 21:26

My birthday was yesterday, my first birthday since having my daughter 6 months ago. My husband was at work in the day and I’d said that I just wanted a takeaway in the evening. My husband then rang me to say he’d been offered a double shift at work (he’s self employed so is able to do this) and that he was going to take it.
I didn’t argue with him at the time but I spent my birthday sat inside by myself with my baby.
I didn’t even have a card to open off my husband or my daughter, he had bought them but not got round to writing them.
I don’t really know what to do going forward, it is by far the worst birthday I’ve ever had and should have been one of the most special or am I just being sensitive?

OP posts:
Mumofmarauders · 24/09/2025 21:29

Oh no, I’d be so disapppinted as well. Has he got any presents or treats planned? Does he usually do better at celebrating your birthday?
I wonder whether the pressure of providing for a new family is feeling like a lot and he felt the best thing he could do for the family was to work more hours rather than have a nice time with you, rather than not caring. Hopefully you can have a chat with him about how you feel. And have some nice food at home, lovely cuddle with your baby - and something nice on telly/book and bath or whatever you like when she’s asleep so you’re still making sure you celebrate in a quiet way this evening.

Handeyethingyowl · 24/09/2025 21:29

That is really crap. I am sorry OP.

DorothyStorm · 24/09/2025 21:31

Yes he was shit. Did he not even get you a present? I hope you ordered a take away

StewkeyBlue · 24/09/2025 21:32

Happy birthday OP.

I think you should tell him you feel that your birthday has been uncelebrated and this one is important because it is your first one as a Mum. And that maybe you should do something at the weekend?

You did sort of downplay your b’day by saying you wanted to stay in with a takeaway.

Next year, put your b’day in the calendar and discuss celebrating it at the nearest weekend. Flag up your expectations!

Does he see taking extra shifts as working hard for his family?

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 24/09/2025 21:32

You could have went out during the day and done something nice.

MrsBucketHat · 24/09/2025 21:36

I’m really sorry to hear about this. I had a very similarly disappointing first Mother’s Day earlier in the year. I had been so looking forward to it after years of trying for a baby and IVF and DH made next to no effort, then seeing how it had upset me he obviously felt really guilty and as usual results in him creating an argument and he stormed out. I hope he makes it up to you.

Lmnop22 · 24/09/2025 21:37

I would be upset with this.

Hopefully he plans to make it up to you on his next day off!

Silveristhecolour · 24/09/2025 21:38

I've got very low standards for adult birthdays, but even I think he's been thoughtless.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 24/09/2025 21:40

"should have been one of the most special or am I just being sensitive"

Both.
FWIW on my last birthday my two littles and I went out to pick up the cake I ordered myself and stayed as I asked them to slice a piece from it there so we could enjoy it right away. I think we then took the car through the car wash at the suggestion of my older dc. (Last year, too, I think). 😂

Deerfolk · 24/09/2025 21:42

It’s just a day.
Why do you need a fake card from your husband pretending to be your daughter?

arethereanyleftatall · 24/09/2025 21:42

He wasn’t great. I guess if you really really need the money that he might have been desperate for the extra shift and will make it up to you.
but going forward, it’s risky to have just one person to rely on for entertainment, I’d start building a village! Failing that I would have got a shit tonne of take away anyway and watched a movie with some wine.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 24/09/2025 21:44

Deerfolk · 24/09/2025 21:42

It’s just a day.
Why do you need a fake card from your husband pretending to be your daughter?

This is a shitty comment. Maybe it wouldn't matter to you, but OP was clearly hoping her DH would be romantic and thoughtful about it.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 24/09/2025 21:45

MrsBucketHat · 24/09/2025 21:36

I’m really sorry to hear about this. I had a very similarly disappointing first Mother’s Day earlier in the year. I had been so looking forward to it after years of trying for a baby and IVF and DH made next to no effort, then seeing how it had upset me he obviously felt really guilty and as usual results in him creating an argument and he stormed out. I hope he makes it up to you.

ffs. What a knob. I think you know that, though. 😟

sakura06 · 24/09/2025 21:47

This is awful. I’m sorry. I hope he makes it up to you at the weekend.

Titasaducksarse · 24/09/2025 21:52

Maybe the partner is really worried about money now they're on 1 wage and his need to provide took over his thinking?
That's the generous bit of me.

Otherwise, yeah it's rather shit but hopefully he'll make it up to you.

rwalker · 24/09/2025 21:53

A new baby to pay for ,mat leave and being self employed I’m sorry but my priority would be the double shift

CauliflowerCheese00 · 24/09/2025 21:56

I think he’s been really rubbish, but you’re also being a little bit unreasonable in some of your expectations…

It isn’t his fault you’ve sat in alone all day - you’re an adult - why didn’t you make plans to go for lunch, see a friend or family member, or take baby to a nice place for a walk and cake if you had no one to see?
It’s also odd to me you think this should be your most special birthday - you’re both surviving maternity leave with a tiny baby - if anything it’s less of an event than normal.

But ultimately he should have said no to the shift, picked up a curry, a bunch of flowers, and a big bar of chocolate, and made you feel extra loved for an evening.

TotalDramarama24 · 24/09/2025 21:56

No you’re not being sensitive OP and that is really shit of him. Sorry to hear it. My DH did similar with birthdays and Mother’s Day and it’s really upsetting. if I brought it up he said it was me wanting an argument.

DipsyDee · 24/09/2025 21:56

MrsBucketHat · 24/09/2025 21:36

I’m really sorry to hear about this. I had a very similarly disappointing first Mother’s Day earlier in the year. I had been so looking forward to it after years of trying for a baby and IVF and DH made next to no effort, then seeing how it had upset me he obviously felt really guilty and as usual results in him creating an argument and he stormed out. I hope he makes it up to you.

I’m sorry your that your h husband behaved in this terrible way. I’m appalled for you!

Meadowfinch · 24/09/2025 21:58

How are finances at the moment? Did he need to do the double shift?

I'm guessing with you on maternity leave and all the baby stuff to pay for, the extra money will be useful.

No excuse for not writing the cards and sending you a takeaway though. Make up for it at the weekend.

illsendansostotheworld · 24/09/2025 22:11

Deerfolk · 24/09/2025 21:42

It’s just a day.
Why do you need a fake card from your husband pretending to be your daughter?

Kick someone while they're down why don't you?

Cherryicecreamx · 24/09/2025 22:23

Work or no work he should have got you a present and done the cards in time! Made it special somehow. He sounds a bit careless. He also told you he was taking the double shift over considering you in the decision when you already had birthday plans that evening, I'd be disappointed too.

Wellshellsbells · 24/09/2025 22:27

i think you’re being unreasonable.he didn’t go out drinking or cancel a date.he was working and is self employed so I assume he takes it when he can.if you don’t know how to move forward,I think you should read some other threads here and count your blessings!!

Wishitsnows · 24/09/2025 22:30

We’ll make sure you do sweet fuck all for his birthday. Don’t do anything from his daughter if he can’t be arsed for you after giving birth only 6 months ago. Happy Birthday though I hope next year is better for you

Thepossibility · 24/09/2025 22:35

Deerfolk · 24/09/2025 21:42

It’s just a day.
Why do you need a fake card from your husband pretending to be your daughter?

Because the point of being in a relationship is being loved and loving in return. Ideally the card and present would be from the both of them, but at the very least from the baby because obviously baby can't pop to the shops and buy a card and then write in said card on their own. If no-one bothers at all for your birthday I am so sorry. But that doesn't mean others should accept the same.
OP that was shit of him.