My husband ruined my birthday

[Ejx22]

My birthday was yesterday, my first birthday since having my daughter 6 months ago. My husband was at work in the day and I’d said that I just wanted a takeaway in the evening. My husband then rang me to say he’d been offered a double shift at work (he’s self employed so is able to do this) and that he was going to take it.
I didn’t argue with him at the time but I spent my birthday sat inside by myself with my baby.
I didn’t even have a card to open off my husband or my daughter, he had bought them but not got round to writing them.
I don’t really know what to do going forward, it is by far the worst birthday I’ve ever had and should have been one of the most special or am I just being sensitive?

He should have made more effort, even if just the card and a promise to make it up to you but really he should have said no to the shift and brought a takeaway home.
Make a nice plan for yourself tomorrow, either alone or with friends, find a baby coffee morning or take yourself somewhere fancy for cakes.
i posted on here years ago about a similar situation and was shocked at how many posters treated me like I was a primadonna. Of course we want to be remembered and even cherished on our birthdays by our partner if we have one.
youre not being over sensitive to want more than he gave you

Sorry op this is shit I would say hey where are my cards and get a takeaway and tell him not to make a habit of it. Do you get much freedom to just do something nice for yourself. If we don’t go out for a birthday meal we have takeaway but not always together due to work commitments but he could have left your cards to open in the morning but definitely do something better late than never but I get why it hurts.

Agreed. This is what happened to me, too. And unsurprisingly, when I had cancer he couldn’t be bothered to make supportive gestures either. Roll on the youngest leaving home and I’m off.

Happy birthday

I'm sorry this happened but my hubby is useless ... the comments on take yourself out and see friends family isn't always possible if you dont have any ...I had a baby and all my friends disappeared overnight cos I was the last one to have kids , no family so I totally get how your feeling. Big hugs xx

Same happened to me on here.

First of all..Sorry this man ruined your birthday.

He really needs to make this up to you big time.

How about a weekend away at a nice hotel with great food and a spa. And a really good present.

Say you will give him plenty of time so he can work more overtime to save up.

Being a new mum is emotional and hard work and you are not being unreasonable wanting some care and attention on your birthday from your husband. He possibly did think the extra money from a shift would be beneficial but perhaps you need to gently explain how you felt. Make up for it on another day very soon and have a belated celebration with your husband, you deserve it.

Wanting some loving care and attention on your birthday is very understandable. Even more so when you are a new mum. Perhaps your husband was thinking about the extra money but you should gently explain to him how you felt. Make up for it by having a belated celebration for your birthday together, at the earliest opportunity.

Hi all, just a thank you for everyone’s insights, whilst we’re not all going to agree on how a situation should be handled, it’s interesting to hear people’s points of view!
husband came home today very apologetic, he said he didn’t really think about it being my birthday as we had no plans other than getting a takeaway.
We have booked a last minute trip to Cornwall tomorrow for a week to celebrate our birthdays down there with our daughter.
I set some very clear expectations that I would like some effort made for both of our birthdays, a card and some dedicated time and we have both agreed on this!
Whilst I’m still a little hurt, it’s water under the bridge and hopefully unlikely to happen again!
thanks for lovely comments from most people and different ways of approaching the situation!
fingers crossed for nice weather in Cornwall over the next week!
cheerio x

Happy birthday OP and glad it was a moment of madness!

you seriously need to have a word with yourself. Your comment is rude and disrespectful. Take a god damn moment to think about what you wrote.
her first card as a mother someone who may have struggled to conceive, underlying issues that this could be her only chance. To have a first card as mummy is a precious one and I type this as someone who fucking knows that feeling.
OP I feel you I really do 🩷

My first birthday after I became a Mum I spent about 3 hours in the grottiest service station on the M1, breastfeeding my reflux-y baby and then holding her upright before we could get back in the car.

Then a couple of years ago the same child spent the whole of my birthday off school with a vomiting bug, so I spent the day cleaning up sick. That year I actually postponed my birthday - I refused to open any cards or presents or even acknowledge it was my birthday, as I decided I’d rather do the whole thing another day. (And I did, a couple of days later).

Birthdays with kids can be a bit of a curveball and not the same as birthdays pre-kids. But that said, I totally get why you feel down. I suggest explaining to your partner how you feel, and “moving” your birthday to his next day off. Do cards, cake, go out somewhere just the 3 of you, and get him to have the baby for a bit so you can have a bath / get your nails done / get a coffee in peace.

I feel your pain 😢 but the best thing to do is not get hung up on what you think it should be like and what you didn't get and see the bigger picpicture.you have a healthy baby , safe clean home and money coming in plus a husband who willing to earn it 😉
When we're adults birthdays and all that jazz isn't always going be there for many reasons ....
How you deal with your emotions will be how your life plays out.....thinking of everything as negative and you will be miserable, the energy your giving off is what comes back round....
Don't allow something small to become so big just because you were told a birthday should be a certain way....its delusional.
Put it down to just one of those things and move on ....your B'day gift was a how well you managed to deal with it like a grown up....Big hugs 🫂

So you get fuck all on your birthday, and he gets a trip to Cornwall. I'd be out meeting friends on his birthday.

That’s a bit unfair. It’s impossible to avoid this when the birthdays are close together. The op has talked to him, he’s apologised, in her shoes I wouldn’t make a huge deal about his birthday on Tuesday but this is fine as a plan.

Seriously? Its just a day. You can celebrate it tomorrow.

You are being oversensitive in IMO.
He was working for the family. He certainly isn't the romantic type but he didn't actually forget. It is not a big problem compared with some heartbreaking posts on this group. You could have ordered a takeaway. Had a glass of wine. Phoned a friend or your Mum and had a good moan!I am sure he will make it up to you.

She wanted a flipping card and a takeaway!! Neither of which he did so she got ZERO effort from him. Do you only give your loved ones a birthday card if it’s a “5” or a “0” then?

@Ejx22 “he said he didn’t really think about it being my birthday as we had no plans other than getting a takeaway.”

This is really not ok and you need to make clear it cannot ever happen again. A card requires the least amount of effort ever and he couldn’t even do that.

Are people's bars for relationships set so low that they don't even expect a card on their birthday? I can't really think of any other reason why people are telling OP how she is supposed to feel about her husbands COMPLETE lack of effort, it's quite sad to be honest.

She's allowed to feel disappointed, people saying it is 'just a day' are completely missing the point.. she wasn't asking for a brass band, or a weekend in Paris.. she was expecting a CARD from her husband and new baby and be able to spend the night together enjoying a take away!! He didn't even ask her if she minded that he worked, he just decided on the day and didn't even bother to write her cards out.. if people think that level of disregard is acceptable in a relationship then I feel quite sorry for them.

Sounds like it is all sorted now, but I don't blame OP one bit for being disappointed.

Hopefully there won't be a next time but make a 'note to self' just in case. Next time he's offered an extra shift & says he's going to take it please speak up, otherwise he may develop a habit of deciding joint things himself xx

So weird, it is another points scoring not like other girls thing we do on here now?
I am fully capable of giving myself the birthday I want but if I m in a relationship with someone I would love and hope for them to plan and do something special , does not have to be big, expensive or showy, just thoughtful and personal.
remembering it and not double booking themselves elsewhere and then making me feel guilty for expecting to be consulted at the very least would be a start (I’m not bitter)

Yes this!! If a husband can’t remember your birthday I don’t think they are much good as a husband. I have told my own this very robustly, marriage doesn’t make me someone who doesn’t need considering. Most especially when you’re home all day with a baby- those are the years your husband should be the most considerate.

Definitely. Patriarchy stil alive and well here, he’s chosen to work an extra shift when he doesn’t need to, ergo op should be grateful and not disappointed that he couldn’t even buy a card (and write in it) or a present and the basic but most lovely request of a cosy takeaway at home.
im single and my birthday is soon and i am hundred percent influenced by this thread to ensure i plan a nice day for me and a lovely meal with my kids later on, takeaway or otherwise