I don't know how to do this anymore? 29m 35f

[johnny2024]

I've been dating a woman for the past 2 months. We've been exclusively seeing eachother for 2 weeks.

I think she's awesome. She's so much fun. She treats me great. The sex is great. She's thoughtful and loyal. She's the perfect partner in a lot of ways.

Except I don't know if this is going to work long term. She is older than me and I want kids. I don't know when I want them but because she's 36 soon that doesn't really give me much time to just see how it develops with her. We'll either have to be fully in thinking about kids in the next 2 years or out. And it's making me feel a lot of pressure.

The pressure isn't coming from her. She's said we can look at options once/if we get that far. and she thinks it's too early to really know if I'm someone she'd have kids with. But also i'm terrified. She can not pressure me as much as she wants, biology isn't something that compromises.

Maybe it's too soon to be worrying about this. But the stress I'm feeling is starting to become a bit unbearable.

She's taking me out for dinner tonight then going on abroad work trips for 2 weeks. I don't know what to do

I think that I smell a troll. 😜

Exactly

I've tried. She said around kids she has 2 options. 1. Never having kids and she's at peace with it that it may never happen. 2. Meeting someone like me who really wants kids and if it gets that far / we are suited to eachother long term and want that, we'd do it.

What worries me is that she said her and her ex were together 4 years and never even discussed this. Plus I am always the one to bring up future considerations. She hasn't herself once.

In what way is this trolling. How does that benefit anything to me at all.

I agree 😂😂😂

Oh, in that case.... <in background sound of vagina slamming shut) 😂

For a member of the Aristocracy..

A more reasonable and human reason to want children is that you want first and foremost to love them and provide a loving home for them and bring them up to be happy and healthy.

I would say that's probably higher in most people's reasons for wanting children than passing on the family name.

Be honest with her. Tell her you are pretty sure that you don't want children until age 36 to 42

See what she says

Be honest

You cannot avoid hurting people in life. If you hurt them because you are respectfully and with love for both you and them, making a correct choice for you.....that's absolutely fine

Yes. You're exactly right. Which is why I'm worried about dating a 36 year old when I'm nowhere near ready

I have said that to her. She said she's also fine with not having kids. So it's all entirely on me

Yes. Also that. I want to be able to provide that. Which I can't right now and I'm not sure I can in the next 2 years

You’re absolutely right. I struggled at 34. Don’t give up your chance to be a father if that’s what you want.

Maybe this woman is not the right one. And it’s only been two months.

Is she perhaps a bit flaky? Or perhaps someone who doesn't want to face reality? Or someone who really doesn't want children?

Or perhaps shes not that into you?

You can't change people unless they want to change

She is who she presents to you, atm.

I'm not sure you and she are emotionally compatible

Then don’t do it, OP! Nobody is forcing you to. You are the stage of the relationship which usually goes with joy and excitement but you’re terrified. It doesn’t bode well.

I've been to therapy to try deal with this stuff. It's just once the moment does actualy come, I can't deal with it

Maybe she doesnt want children , ever.

You do want children

Find someone after two years then.

I think all this is why my overthinking elder brother is on his own at 48.

She's just very go with the flow see what happens mentality. I'm more planner and predict every outcome before it happens mentality

But what about her now?

I don't know how to end things with someone. I can't seem to do it with anyone. It took me a year and a half to end it with my ex. I havent dated anyone for more than 3-5 dates for 3 years since.

So what are you saying? You are making all kinds of statements about wanting child/ren because you want to carry on the family line, then you say that you're 'nowhere near ready', you say that you're thinking of moving abroad. You're all over the place and need to have some counselling until you're ready for a serious relationship - especially before you even consider having children.

BTW I think that you're a troll because you're all over the place & I think you just want some attention & validation from other people.

I suspect that you don't really have this relationship, unless the poor woman has very low self esteem. Any woman who was aware of her worth would have dumped you when you started talking about wanting her to have your child 2 weeks after you became 'exclusive' because you want to continue the family name and, by the way, I may leave you anyway because I think I want to move abroad.

I think you need to let her go and get some therapy to be honest - you seem very immature about it all. You would be better off with someone younger to give you time to develop a relationship that is on solid ground not just your desperation to have kids forcing it through on a woman focused on her career

That is entirely up to you.
I have no more advice to offer you.

She sounds fantastic and I’m not sure you’re right for her. That being said, if you are indeed having these honest conversations, if she herself is concerned, you can both get fertility mot testing done now.

No what happened is I asked her if she ever wanted them. She wasn't totally clear on it. After we became exclusive I told her I was very anxious she didn't actually want kids. It's important to me in the long run and I can't continue if that's literally never on the table. She then told me what I said in another response earlier. I have told her I would like to get things like travelling abroad for a year out the way first.

She hasn't actually once ever told me what she wants long term. I don't think she actually knows.

I'm saying these things so she's informed. I don't generally want to date someone if we're not aligned on future goals whatsoever. So I was asking and saying these things to see if we were.

I wasn't telling her she needs to have my children 2 weeks in. I'm asking her if that's actually something she ever wants at all. With anyone.