I don't know how to do this anymore? 29m 35f

[johnny2024]

I've been dating a woman for the past 2 months. We've been exclusively seeing eachother for 2 weeks.

I think she's awesome. She's so much fun. She treats me great. The sex is great. She's thoughtful and loyal. She's the perfect partner in a lot of ways.

Except I don't know if this is going to work long term. She is older than me and I want kids. I don't know when I want them but because she's 36 soon that doesn't really give me much time to just see how it develops with her. We'll either have to be fully in thinking about kids in the next 2 years or out. And it's making me feel a lot of pressure.

The pressure isn't coming from her. She's said we can look at options once/if we get that far. and she thinks it's too early to really know if I'm someone she'd have kids with. But also i'm terrified. She can not pressure me as much as she wants, biology isn't something that compromises.

Maybe it's too soon to be worrying about this. But the stress I'm feeling is starting to become a bit unbearable.

She's taking me out for dinner tonight then going on abroad work trips for 2 weeks. I don't know what to do

Go back to Reddit

What?

Aww bye bye then Johnny!

yep. Troll.

😂 ok mate sure.

Literally thousands of women havr no problem whatsoever conceiving in their late thirties.

I call bs on this tho. You did multiple typos saying shes 35, nearly 36? But meant shes 36, nearly 37? Nonsense

She's not brought it up because its madness to bring up after 2 weeks of being exclusive.

Also, she is 37, not 47. Chill.

If you have such intense feelings and fears of breakups, i'd suggest, for now, focusing your efforts on therapy, not family planning.

It’s just one typo. She’s 36. She’s 37 in December. That’s it.

I don’t know much about fertility. I’m a 28 year old man and not had a gf in 4 years. So chill.

Because you are allowing your arbitrary, hypothetical and circular thinking command your life and affect her life.

Because you will never have certainty on any part of your future and you are acting as though someone can give you the answers.

Because you are the one in control of your own decisions and actions, yet you are looking for others to tell you what to do.

Maturity is realising the above, making decisions about what you want in life and how to get there. Not bumbling around on the breeze and expecting things to happily land in your lap.

So chill.

You sound unpleasant and I still call bs.

You've come on to make women feel bad about themselves.

Not a genuine post.

On the chance it is genuine, I think you like to present yourself as a kind and thoughtful person but are, in fact, the opposite.

In which case she so deserves better. I hope she sees that.

You put 35 in the title.

Said she was nearly 36 in the op.

Two typos, separately.

Suss.

That last paragraph though. Isn’t that exactly how ‘letting things play out’ goes?

that’s what gets me so anxious when people say ‘let it play out’. That is literally bumbling around hoping it all works

If she’s 35 in the title and almost 36, then adding a year to that because of the original typo still makes sense? 😂😂

what is the benefit of me making any of this up

No truth to any of this.

good luck to yourself.

You’re a ‘29M’ in the title of the thread you created. Not very good with numbers are you.

Any of these threads could be made up, and still benefit someone reading them if we give advice rather than troll hunting (which is not allowed, possibly as it is boring) and making rude comments (which puts people off posting altogether and generally makes the world a nastier place).
Sorry to preach but really, what's the point? Guess this thread will be deleted now anyway. Have a nice evening all.

Do you not think though OP that if you yourself confess you don’t know much about fertility then it might have been a good idea to actually educate yourself before coming onto a platform literally called MUMsnet, predominantly women, and speaking as if a 35 year old woman is completely unable to have children unless she is impregnated in the next 20 minutes?

And also, as I’ve said before, I assume you haven’t been for a full sperm analysis and so actually for all you know you may be infertile right now.

I’m guessing, as you haven’t bothered to educate yourself, that you aren’t aware that actually make factor infertility is actually responsible for 40-50% of infertility cases. Being 29 doesn’t make you fertile.

I’m actually a data scientist so yes it’s a little concerning lol

I agree.

For the record, I’m not trolling at all. I genuinely need help and I’m not sure how fertility even works. This is my first time even considering these things. Thankyou to all who are being kind

Yes I agree.

I apologise to anyone I’ve upset.

In my defence. I have researched. The trend lines are massively steeper towards infertility after age 36. My doctor friend has also said this. So I’m not totally ill informed.

And I also just googled relationship advice forums. And it came up with this first. I thought maybe it was general advice area as this is the relationships section. silly of me.

I apologise to anyone I’ve upset. I genuinely just feel incredibly anxious.

I think its very good that youre thinking about time frames. I totally understand your situation. Although I do wonder why you didnt consider her age when you decided to date her? If you were really that concerned about settling down and starting a family, surely you would have set an age limit ? You are clearly very aware of the biological clock.
Breakups can be messy. You do not want to carry any guilt on top of that.

Well it’s been 2 months of dating. Just 2 weeks since we agreed to be exclusive.

I think it’s good that men think about such things as there are some that just string women along and dump them when they can’t have children.

I think if it worries you I’d give it 6 months and then really think if you could see yourself with her, if not and you’re just coasting then break up. I’m not saying commit to children after that short time but just be aware you’re not staying in a relationship that you don’t see a future with

Because I didn’t actually expect to get on so well with her to start. I thought it would just be some dating fun. Most just dumped me after 3-4 dates so I presumed the same would happen.

I didn’t realise how worried I’d be once we were exclusive. It wasn’t such a problem when we were just dating and having fun

If you really want to avoid all potential heartbreak, OP, I’d stay single! Certainly don’t have children (or pets).

Do you have supportive friends and family around you who can listen to your concerns?