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Relationships

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Interesting conversation I just had with a man about cheating... Want to hear others perspective.

283 replies

ForeverHopeful3 · 17/09/2025 04:34

I am in the "talking" phase with a man who's been pretty good to me so far! We're a few hours away from each other but we've gone on 2.5 dates and both were good, he's consistent, he's showing he's intentional with me, etc etc.

Today, we had an interesting conversation that somehow morphed into cheaters.

He was explaining to me why it's okay for men to have sex with multiple women, even in relationships, and why it's not the same for women.

Basically: first, its biological. Men have always had multiple women. He used the example of kings having multiple queens to have their children. He also said that when a man sleeps with a woman, he doesn't have to have an emotional connection to her. So when a man "cheats" on his girlfriend, she shouldn't leave him because he still loves her, and not the other girl. He just had the physical part with the other girl. But for a woman, its different, because most women need an emotional connection with the man before she sleeps with him. So her cheating on a man means she doesn't love her man anymore or she isn't emotionally connected to him. Also, he used examples of how Muslim men have multiple wives.

He did say he's not saying its right or wrong, he's saying that its okay for men to cheat because they still love whoever it is that they are married to or in a relationship with.

I said that cheating is a huge betrayal and it shows there's no meaning behind your word. Now, I did throw in that if the man is up front with his woman and tells her "HEY I AM GOING TO BE WITH MULTIPLE WOMEN" and she knows this and is okay with it, then that's on her and its not cheating at that point.

BUT, if he does that behind her back, that's not right.

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
GarlicPint · 17/09/2025 04:48

My thoughts are that he's been up front with you and told you "HEY I AM GOING TO BE WITH MULTIPLE WOMEN".

Devilsmommy · 17/09/2025 04:50

Sounds like he was setting up his argument for when he cheats on you. Twat

TwoUnderTwitTwoo · 17/09/2025 04:56

Throw this one back, OP. Life is too short to waste a moment even speaking to someone so banal, never mind dating them. Yawn. I agree with what @GarlicPintsays.

Amasinglelady · 17/09/2025 04:58

So he's an honest cheater. He wouldn't lie/hide or deny it and justifying why men can but women can't. Hilarious. OP do you really see yourself in a happy relationship with this man?

MyAcornWood · 17/09/2025 04:58

My thoughts are that he’ll cheat on you, sure as the earth is round. He’s also a misogynist who isn’t half so clever as he’d like to think he is… or you seem to be giving him credit for.

GingerPaste · 17/09/2025 04:59

My thoughts are that you should dump him (unless you’re happy with his attitude and the fact that he’s probably a cheat).

BetteDavisChin · 17/09/2025 05:03

Well, are you going to be okay with it when he will not maintain a monogamous relationship with you?
Perhaps he's testing you to see how much he can get away with. Perhaps he's afraid of having a genuine long term relationship and he's warning you off.
I wouldn't want to be with someone like this.
He's setting you up to fail.

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 17/09/2025 05:04

Agree with the pp. He is very clearly setting out his stool. He can cheat because he is a man and you as a woman must accept it, be happy about it, but never look at anyone else yourself.

Ad your relationship progresses you probably won’t even be able to chat to another guy without him getting jealous! OP he is very clearly telling you who he is.

An open relationship is where both parties can explore sex with others. What he is offering is some kind of ancient harem where he is the emperor and you are one of the concubines who can only mix with eunuchs! If that floats your boat go for it. But if you want an equal partner who values you walk away now.

Sorry if I seem harsh OP. But he is sending huge red flags.

Octavia64 · 17/09/2025 05:04

Lots of women cheat.

historically the rate of births that isn’t to the man the woman is married to is actually quite high.

the emotional thing is just straight up bollocks.

AnonAnora · 17/09/2025 05:07

There is nothing new or original about this perspective and to be honest I am surprised that you haven't heard about it. If what he is saying is all good and natural then women would be OK with male cheating and men having sex with multiple partners while in a relationship. Women are resolutely not ok with it and have never been. That includes queens/favourites and Muslim wives from your examples. This is misogyny and men's position of power, not the right or natural order of things.

Lafufufu · 17/09/2025 05:07

My thoughts are you should move from "talking" phase to "blocked" phase. He's telling you upfront he's a misogynist and intends to treat you poorly... I dont get why you'd continue to engage or communicate or romantically pursue him?!?

Iocainepowder · 17/09/2025 05:10

I’m actually really surprised you’re even asking!

isthismylifenow · 17/09/2025 05:11

What a tool.

I think OP, if you hang around with this one much longer, you will find an abundance of red flags. All disguised as his thoughts on various matters.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 17/09/2025 05:15

Bloody hell. He sounds like Henry VIII.

Bogeyes · 17/09/2025 05:16

Bye bye

BabyAllergy101 · 17/09/2025 05:20

Irrespective of the cheating aspect, I'd be seriously put off by his hugely sexist generalising on the drivers behind sex for men and women. I think that says a lot!

MayaPinion · 17/09/2025 05:21

Well he’s not a king and we’re not living in the Old Testament. He’s told you he’s going to cheat on you but he expects you to remain faithful. If you’re ok with that then fill your boots. If not then don’t waste any more time listening to this B&M Andrew Tate crap.

ForeverHopeful3 · 17/09/2025 05:23

GarlicPint · 17/09/2025 04:48

My thoughts are that he's been up front with you and told you "HEY I AM GOING TO BE WITH MULTIPLE WOMEN".

I told him that I will kick him to the curb so fast. That's when he said he's not telling me he's going to cheat, he's just saying why other men do it. 🙄

OP posts:
MyFortieth · 17/09/2025 05:24

I wonder if this is a reverse and OP is a man doing “market research” on his latest attempt to justify being a dog.

ForeverHopeful3 · 17/09/2025 05:26

Devilsmommy · 17/09/2025 04:50

Sounds like he was setting up his argument for when he cheats on you. Twat

He was being very adamant about "I'm not talking about myself!" 🙄 Red flagsss I know.

OP posts:
ForeverHopeful3 · 17/09/2025 05:28

Guys I forgot to add:

He was cheated on by an ex wife 10 years ago. I think this might have something to do with it?

OP posts:
WolfingtonBear · 17/09/2025 05:29

My thoughts are that he watches/listens to Andrew Tate.

SunriseOver · 17/09/2025 05:30

GarlicPint · 17/09/2025 04:48

My thoughts are that he's been up front with you and told you "HEY I AM GOING TO BE WITH MULTIPLE WOMEN".

this

ForeverHopeful3 · 17/09/2025 05:30

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 17/09/2025 05:04

Agree with the pp. He is very clearly setting out his stool. He can cheat because he is a man and you as a woman must accept it, be happy about it, but never look at anyone else yourself.

Ad your relationship progresses you probably won’t even be able to chat to another guy without him getting jealous! OP he is very clearly telling you who he is.

An open relationship is where both parties can explore sex with others. What he is offering is some kind of ancient harem where he is the emperor and you are one of the concubines who can only mix with eunuchs! If that floats your boat go for it. But if you want an equal partner who values you walk away now.

Sorry if I seem harsh OP. But he is sending huge red flags.

Well he kept telling me throughout the conversation that he's not talking about himself and that he would never cheat.

In our next conversation, I'm going to lay it down and tell him that I have no intention with being with someone who is going to go into multiple relationships with me.

OP posts:
ForeverHopeful3 · 17/09/2025 05:31

Octavia64 · 17/09/2025 05:04

Lots of women cheat.

historically the rate of births that isn’t to the man the woman is married to is actually quite high.

the emotional thing is just straight up bollocks.

He was cheated on by his ex wife 10 years ago....

OP posts:
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