Interesting conversation I just had with a man about cheating... Want to hear others perspective.

[ForeverHopeful3]

I am in the "talking" phase with a man who's been pretty good to me so far! We're a few hours away from each other but we've gone on 2.5 dates and both were good, he's consistent, he's showing he's intentional with me, etc etc.

Today, we had an interesting conversation that somehow morphed into cheaters.

He was explaining to me why it's okay for men to have sex with multiple women, even in relationships, and why it's not the same for women.

Basically: first, its biological. Men have always had multiple women. He used the example of kings having multiple queens to have their children. He also said that when a man sleeps with a woman, he doesn't have to have an emotional connection to her. So when a man "cheats" on his girlfriend, she shouldn't leave him because he still loves her, and not the other girl. He just had the physical part with the other girl. But for a woman, its different, because most women need an emotional connection with the man before she sleeps with him. So her cheating on a man means she doesn't love her man anymore or she isn't emotionally connected to him. Also, he used examples of how Muslim men have multiple wives.

He did say he's not saying its right or wrong, he's saying that its okay for men to cheat because they still love whoever it is that they are married to or in a relationship with.

I said that cheating is a huge betrayal and it shows there's no meaning behind your word. Now, I did throw in that if the man is up front with his woman and tells her "HEY I AM GOING TO BE WITH MULTIPLE WOMEN" and she knows this and is okay with it, then that's on her and its not cheating at that point.

BUT, if he does that behind her back, that's not right.

What are your thoughts?

He's already justified in his head to himself, and you, that it's acceptable for him to cheat. You seem to think his ideas are quaint and endearing OP and that he should be just given some gentle ribbing and you can all have a little laugh about it. In reality, this will be the tip of the iceberg of bullshit, unpleasant viewpoints he has on all manner of subjects.

Think 2.5 dates would be as many dates as he'd be having. He's been pretty clear what his views are. When someone shows you who they really are...believe them!

So another point about this to consider is that in his world where women always have an “emotional connection” but the men don’t, who is the man cheating with? Surely the multiple women he is having sex with will be having emotional connections and therefore being hurt by this man who turns out not to care for them? So in his world either their feelings don’t count (how lovely) or they are somehow in a category of women who don’t have those emotional connections so aren’t truly womanly (also mysogyny) or as someone else said their consent doesn’t matter (even worse).

please don’t have a conversation about this or lay down the law etc - just walk away. This isn’t the man for you or anyone and he will likely have other unpleasant views too.

I feel like that's not the entire story.

Come on, OP, you know where this is going. He doesn't even have enough game to try to hide it. If he wants a harem, set him free to have one.

Not read the entire lot of posts but dump him…immediately! What an absolute POS he is. 🚩

My main thought is that if I were with a man like this I’d be yawning with my mouth shut so much that I’d just end it. Hearing some manosphere/sub Norman Mailer bollocks like this would just make me feel life is too short.

maybe surprising to some…& it would be a way of reducing the overpopulation probs-
Look up Polyandry , see if he’s ever heard of it?

I can easily separate the emotion from sex and don't need an emotional.connection to be physical (when I was younger now I'd rather have a nice cup of tea!) Does that mean if I cheat my husband should take me back and be ok with it! I don't think he'd agree!
Sounds like he was sounding you out to see how you reacted.

Exactly this.

Oh come on OP! Seriously? Any man bringing AndrewTate up in a conversation needs a huge kick to the kerb!!!! You cannot really be thinking of continuing a relationship of any shape or form with this arsehole! Why would you? I'm leaning towards others thinking this isn't a genuine post. "I'm talking about other men, I'd never cheat"! Absolutely LMFAO!!! Nah..... this is BS .... And if perchance it is real.... you're an idiot for even considering getting involved with this specimen.

To me this isn't even about the (possibility of) cheating. Although I wouldn't at all believe his protestations that "he'd never cheat".

It's that he appears to genuinely believe a whole bunch of misogynist manosphere bullshit about "how it is different for men/how men are different". Which means he fundamentally believes women are less than, and will have expectations of a female partner and her behaviour due to his (wrong) beliefs.

He might not cheat on you, at least to start with. But he will be holding these beliefs and acting on them every second of every day, and that is not a relationship I would ever want to get into.

As others have said, he's telling you who he is.

I’m curious as to what constitutes 2.5 dates?

If he isn't like that and would never cheat, why does he assume other men would feel any differently?

He's a cheat, he cheated on his ex-wife, and yes, he is an Andrew Tate fan. Plus he's two hours away.

Why the hell can you be arsed?

🚩

He doesn’t respect women, and he’s testing your boundaries to see what you’ll put up with. By laughing it off, you’ve shown him your boundaries are weak, and he’ll continue to erode them. This is how abusive men behave; it’s a massive red flag. Luckily for you, he’s stupid enough to make it obvious. You’re walking into a trap and you’re going to regret it if you continue seeing this man.

He’s literally told you crystal clear his view on cheating and what he thinks is acceptable. You’d be a fool to continue to see this man.

He’s told you this as a test. If you continue to see him is tells him that you’re a push over and he’d get away with this behaviour.

Please tell me you are leaving him, right?

Men with these view points don’t deserve relationships. You should aim higher.

@Octavia64 Estimates actually vary very widely, it's probably not as many as you think https://www.kqed.org/science/11450/new-dna-studies-debunk-misconceptions-about-paternal-relationships

OP he may actually be telling you he is already having sex with someone else....chuck this one back.

erm…. Goodbye random man who has already told me he is going to cheat….

Believe what he says about himself and know you deserve more.

He was explaining to me why it's okay for men to have sex with multiple women, even in relationships, and why it's not the same for women.

Didn't read beyond this - bin!🚮

He’s trying to mansplain cheating to you. Forget him. He’s only just starting out with you and he’s already spouting misogynistic drivel and to make matters worse, he’s trying to dress it up as a fascinating and original biological and historical insight. It’s a red flag for the misogyny and an ick for thinking he’s more clever than he is.

How unoriginal. It's depressing to realise that men were churning out this exact horseshit 40 years ago when I was young and at uni, and its still the same now. There was no internet "manosphere" but they had just the same story. Biology, evolution blah blah.

Having said that, I would be the last to tell people how to live their lives, go for it if you want, but just be aware of who he is if you decide to go forward with the relationship. You know very well how this will go, if you are honest with yourself.

I didn't note how old you are but from an old veteran I can tell you, you aren't the "one" who will change his mind. And he isn't a special case who trancends "biology" for you because you are so wonderful. Look up the wifelets of the Marquess of Bath. A way of life much extolled by an ex of mine with whom I was absolutely fathoms in love. I thought I was cool with it. I found I wasn't in the end and got badly hurt. Other women may have stayed cool with it, each to their own.

Some men (and some women) cheat (or putting it another way as he no doubt would, reject monogamy, regarding it an unnatural state) and some don't. He is telling you clearly which one he is and what he will tell you when he does, so make your decisions accordingly.

Been there, a few times, done that (40 years ago).

What dick. Steer clear of this twat OP.

Regardless of the risibility of him insisting that HE would never do it, this one is only fit for the bin.

Even setting aside the red flags that suggest he will justify cheating later on, he's a ratbag misogynist who you say is also mentioning Andrew Tate.

Absolutely fucking not. Nope, nope, nope.

He could be an absolute sex god and he'd still be out of the door. Misogyny is the biggest turn-off there is.

You now know who he is. He'll tell you thay you can't complain when he cheats because he told you.