Interesting conversation I just had with a man about cheating... Want to hear others perspective.

[ForeverHopeful3]

I am in the "talking" phase with a man who's been pretty good to me so far! We're a few hours away from each other but we've gone on 2.5 dates and both were good, he's consistent, he's showing he's intentional with me, etc etc.

Today, we had an interesting conversation that somehow morphed into cheaters.

He was explaining to me why it's okay for men to have sex with multiple women, even in relationships, and why it's not the same for women.

Basically: first, its biological. Men have always had multiple women. He used the example of kings having multiple queens to have their children. He also said that when a man sleeps with a woman, he doesn't have to have an emotional connection to her. So when a man "cheats" on his girlfriend, she shouldn't leave him because he still loves her, and not the other girl. He just had the physical part with the other girl. But for a woman, its different, because most women need an emotional connection with the man before she sleeps with him. So her cheating on a man means she doesn't love her man anymore or she isn't emotionally connected to him. Also, he used examples of how Muslim men have multiple wives.

He did say he's not saying its right or wrong, he's saying that its okay for men to cheat because they still love whoever it is that they are married to or in a relationship with.

I said that cheating is a huge betrayal and it shows there's no meaning behind your word. Now, I did throw in that if the man is up front with his woman and tells her "HEY I AM GOING TO BE WITH MULTIPLE WOMEN" and she knows this and is okay with it, then that's on her and its not cheating at that point.

BUT, if he does that behind her back, that's not right.

What are your thoughts?

Oh no I'd not go on another date with him. I find intelligence really attractive so this one wouldn't be for me.
Men have been spinning this tale in pubs forever it's nothing new or enlightening.

I'd advise against telling him you don't want to hear it.

He's giving out warning signs about the way he thinks. Don't tell him to stop giving those warning signs. Let him talk.

It's like telling off a dog for growling. The growl is a warning, and if you try to train it out you just silence the warning, and produce a dog which snaps (without warning).

Are you going to tell him why? I would love to hear what he says if you do!

That argument makes no sense, if men are biologically wired to cheat, then women would have to also be biologically designed to cheat to keep up with the biological demamds of every male. It's misogyny and male entitlement, one rule for me, another for you. Same way men feel entitled to porn and create a demand for it through consumption and then slut shame women and complain there are no good women and complain about women having only fans. They want to have their cake and eat it.

Just laying down his excuses early in my opinion.

I asked my husband his thoughts and he said that when your in a committed relationship you have made a commitment to your partner and you know that they would be upset and see it as a betrayal so wouldn’t do it! If you start wanting to sleep with another woman then you are also loosing feelings for your partner.

It’s a strange thing for him to explain in such great detail to you in the early stages of dating if there wasn’t any significance attached. You also said that he felt due to the reasons he gave, he believed cheating wasn’t wrong for men.

Im surprised you’re still remaining in the relationship and are just going to tell him that’s not okay by you.

This would’ve just given me the ick and no way would I be hanging around knowing this is what he actually believes.

Mansplaining misogynist

Well obviously it's a load of bollox! Women are perfectly capable of sleeping with men without an emotional connection. Load of sexist twaddle! I would throw him back for that alone, never mind the fact he's basically given you his excuses for cheating upfront!