Interesting conversation I just had with a man about cheating... Want to hear others perspective.

[ForeverHopeful3]

I am in the "talking" phase with a man who's been pretty good to me so far! We're a few hours away from each other but we've gone on 2.5 dates and both were good, he's consistent, he's showing he's intentional with me, etc etc.

Today, we had an interesting conversation that somehow morphed into cheaters.

He was explaining to me why it's okay for men to have sex with multiple women, even in relationships, and why it's not the same for women.

Basically: first, its biological. Men have always had multiple women. He used the example of kings having multiple queens to have their children. He also said that when a man sleeps with a woman, he doesn't have to have an emotional connection to her. So when a man "cheats" on his girlfriend, she shouldn't leave him because he still loves her, and not the other girl. He just had the physical part with the other girl. But for a woman, its different, because most women need an emotional connection with the man before she sleeps with him. So her cheating on a man means she doesn't love her man anymore or she isn't emotionally connected to him. Also, he used examples of how Muslim men have multiple wives.

He did say he's not saying its right or wrong, he's saying that its okay for men to cheat because they still love whoever it is that they are married to or in a relationship with.

I said that cheating is a huge betrayal and it shows there's no meaning behind your word. Now, I did throw in that if the man is up front with his woman and tells her "HEY I AM GOING TO BE WITH MULTIPLE WOMEN" and she knows this and is okay with it, then that's on her and its not cheating at that point.

BUT, if he does that behind her back, that's not right.

What are your thoughts?

So what if he was!?

He’s telling you who he is. Up to you whether you’re ok with being treated like shit.

Apparently in his head, they were ok with it, that's why they did. Not like they were forced into these marriages for allegiance or whatever. Not like they would get killed if they even thought about leaving their husbands. Queens were beheaded for less.

We just had this talk before going to bed lol tomorrow, I am going to make it clear that I do not want to hear any justification for cheating. Man or woman.

Lmfaoooo I'm gonna call him that. "Why good morning to you Sir King Henry the 15, should I fetch you your 10th mistress?"

He did bring up Andrew Tate lmao.

He says he was cheated on.

10%.
😉

Yes, true, I don't really know. His story is ex wife was from India, they got married, she was still talking to boyfriend back in India... Tale as old as time 🙄

He’s telling you exactly who he is.

Why are you still entertaining him?

My thoughts sre

1. Women can have sex without an emotional connection.
2. If he said it was ok for men to cheat but not for women even if he wouldn’t cheat then he is sexist and I wouldn’t date him for that reason.
3. Cheating is a problem practically because of pregnancy and STIs. I guess you could argue that a women getting pregnant whilst cheating has a bigger practical impact on the relationship (and historically that was why is was considered more important that women didn’t cheat) but morally it’s exactly the same.
4. Most importantly it’s all about trust in the relationship which is broken equally if either person cheats.

Honestly, what he said was so cringe. I'd immediately be putting a stop to things.

He’s a misogynist twat who knows nothing about women, or men for that matter. Not all men have an irresistible, biological urge to shag anything that moves and a lot of women, me included, are perfectly capable of having, and indeed enjoying, sex without emotional connection.
Personally, unless you are happy with him being unfaithful because “biology”, I would ditch him. Immediately.

Oh, a Fuckboy. How novel.

My thoughts are that you’ve got yourself a dud there. One who’s misogynistic, sexist and I’d argue stupid.

We understand the importance of informed sexual consent much more now, cheating removes that and causes trauma. It’s morally wrong and it’s becoming more acknowledged as abusive behaviour.

He is telling you exactly who he is. and (I hate this word) but he’d give me the ick.

When you do talk about this again, please ask him if men are emotionally detached from sex, why do so many of them get jealous. Some so jealous and out of control that people get killed.

I’m guessing you will get another history lesson about how women have been men’s property. So all the women a man has sex with belong to him. It’s about ownership rather than affection.

Then, please ask him if he thinks men will ever evolve into decent human beings.

Regardless of how he’s trying to backtrack, he’s testing the waters to see what you’ll tolerate and how much he’ll have to hide his cheating (or not)
He’s a waste of time, throw him back.

Come on OP. Have you not studied history or at least read anything about Islam? Men do it because they can and want to, not because they believe that their women are fine with it. In societies like in your examples men do not care what women think because they don’t have to as they the power.

You cannot be this naive and I am starting to doubt that your thread is genuine.

There is no logic in that.

Cheating is breaking a voluntary trust based agreement.
Even if he was right about the emotional differences (which he isn't), it is inconsequential.

Pointing out logical lapses: those kings and muslims are not exactly a natural fenomen, they are social constructs based on double inequality. Inequality where women generally have limited access to power and money and some men have more than other men. It's very transactional setup.

If he was saying there are biological reasons that men may cheat more statistically, but was clearly against it, that wouldn't be as bad, but if he truly was saying it's okay for a man to cheat...then he's saying it's okay for a man to cheat. He's a man. The math is simple. He's also a hypocrite and a bit of a misogynist with the double standards. Cheating is not only sleeping with another person, it's being deceitful and betraying your partner. If he wants to make a case for polygamy, I'd still keep away from him, but at least he wouldn't be defending betrayals. I don't get how this is a conversation that leads to going to bed with someone😂

In the past men had multiple wives because women were property.

If this man thinks cheating is ok for men it’s because somewhere in his head women are the equivalent of cattle. Useful and valuable but not human.

I wouldn't even bother with another conversation, he very clearly told you who he is.

So you are going to continue talking to this chump?

Standards OP, standards.

My major concern wouldn't be that he'd cheat, but that he's got such outdated views about men and women.

I wonder what what he incorrectly thinks about the difference in the sexes.

And I hope you pointed out to him the basic fact that the lack of reliable contraception had an awful lot to do with the history he's describing.

He will be crawling with VD

Your boundaries need work if you didn't immediately leave when he started spouting that ill informed claptrap.

He was checking if you were a doormat that he could treat like trash and get away with it.

Throw it away, and fish up another one. This one will most likely end up bringing diseases.

I'm intrigued how you've had 0.5 of a date with him (you say 2.5 dates).

I'd also be blocking him. Whether he's talking about himself or not, the fact he even entertains these ideas is a huuuge red flag and I wouldn't take it any further. You sound as though you're going to continue things though.