Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dying Sisters BF wants her to have his kids

367 replies

BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 19:49

So my sister (28) broke down crying the other day after her and her BF got into an argument. Her BF (29) has been diagnosed with cancer and hasnt got much time to live but her BF was accusing her of not loving him enough and was saying that he wants to sell the house now. He paid the deposite and was also paying the mortgage, He also was paying for life insurance so my sister wouldnt have to worry about paying the mortgage if he passes.

He's actually a really nice man and they never once got into an argument. He helped out my sister and my family Alot but my sister says that she doesnt see the point in having his kids because he wont be around and she doesnt want her kids growing up without a father.

But although he paid the deposite and mortgage, the house is in both of thier names. He started saying that my sister must not love him enough because she wont have his kids and that he doesnt want to die only for her to have kids with another man in a mortgage free house in which he paid the deposite for. I think my sister wants to keep the house but she doesnt have enough money to buy him out or even pay the monthly mortgage.

I dont know what I should do in this situation or what advice to give

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 05/09/2025 19:52

Where are is the children's mother? Why won't she get them when he has passed.?

Ineffable23 · 05/09/2025 19:53

Doggymummar · 05/09/2025 19:52

Where are is the children's mother? Why won't she get them when he has passed.?

I think he's saying she should get pregnant isn't he?

Beachtastic · 05/09/2025 19:53

Christ, what a horrible situation! 😬

How recent is his diagnosis? He might be in shock and grieving the future he won't see. I'm hoping he might eventually see how unfair this is on your sister.

stiffstink · 05/09/2025 19:53

Doggymummar · 05/09/2025 19:52

Where are is the children's mother? Why won't she get them when he has passed.?

Im reading this as though the children are hypothetical, as in haven't been conceived.

OP he is probably struggling with his diagnosis - has he or your sister been directed to any counselling services?

titchy · 05/09/2025 19:54

I don’t think there are any children - he wants to get her pregnant. To which the answer is categorically no.

Original poster
BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 19:56

@titchy he says that he wants to freeze his sperm so that eventually she can have his kids

OP posts:
Pollqueen · 05/09/2025 19:56

Sorry but this is unclear. Do you mean future children? I take it that they don't have children currently but your sister's DP wants your sister to get pregnant with his child before he passes.

Is that right? Apologies if not

slightlyunimpressed · 05/09/2025 19:57

Are the kids from a previous relationship or are they hypothetical kids he would like to conceive with her before he dies? If that latter is it medically possible? What is his prognosis? Have they had any discussion with the cancer centre? If this is right, there would have to be a whole load of counselling g beforehand when they can really talk it through- worrying about money etc isn’t really the issue.

It sounds like he is worrying about dying and being totally forgotten and is clutching at anything he can find.

TomatoSandwiches · 05/09/2025 19:57

He can freeze his sperm if he wants to, doesn't mean your sister has to use it ever.

legsekeven · 05/09/2025 19:59

Is she 100% sure of his diagnoses. Has she been to any appointments with him. Not saying he’s lying of course but it’s been known to happen.

Lafufufu · 05/09/2025 19:59

This is wild.

is he having therapy? If not he needs to get some. Couples therapy would be helpful and your sister should get her own separately too to help her start coming to terms with things.

There is NO way I'd would have children with a man i knew was terminally ill.

Ignoring yourself (and the reasons its a terrible idea there financially and emotionallu) i think its fundamentally irresponsible to the child.

She should tell him he can leave his money on his will to whoever. she is happy to sell up but she won't be manipulated or bullied into motherhood.

titchy · 05/09/2025 20:00

BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 19:56

@titchy he says that he wants to freeze his sperm so that eventually she can have his kids

Let him do that then. She doesnt have to do anything with it.

Hoppinggreen · 05/09/2025 20:03

BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 19:56

@titchy he says that he wants to freeze his sperm so that eventually she can have his kids

I would just agree to that and then not do it.
If he has been a good and loving man until now and has just gone a bit odd after his diagnosis I would just tell him what he wants to hear

Tam285 · 05/09/2025 20:03

Of course she shouldn't be bullied into having a dying man's children! It's got nothing to do with how much she loves him.

femfemlicious · 05/09/2025 20:04

He needs to leave his share of his house to his family. She's going to marry someone else in his house. I wonder why put her name on the house.

DeeKitch · 05/09/2025 20:06

Let him freeze his sperm she doesn’t have to use it

or is it a test?

Suednymph · 05/09/2025 20:07

BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 19:56

@titchy he says that he wants to freeze his sperm so that eventually she can have his kids

If it makes him feel better to do this then why not? I mean she doesnt have to use the sperm but if it makes a dying man happy then I would just go along with it.

cestlavielife · 05/09/2025 20:08

suggest he freezes sperm she can decide after.
No need to get pregnant now
He needs to write a will with his wishes.
If they sell now where will they live?

Dabberlocks · 05/09/2025 20:09

BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 19:56

@titchy he says that he wants to freeze his sperm so that eventually she can have his kids

He's dying. Perhaps the best thing for her to do is agree to him freezing his sperm for future use.

She does not have to carry out his wishes once he has gone, but it will give him comfort right now, and that is what he needs to hear.

Shutupkeith · 05/09/2025 20:13

If he hasn't got much time left how will he have the time to freeze his sperm? A very strange thing to be focusing on when you havent much time left.

FairKoala · 05/09/2025 20:14

If he freezes his sperm then says in his will she can have the house for the next year and get pregnant using his sperm otherwise house sold, mortgage paid off and 50% of the equity goes to his family and she gets the other 50% and moves on.

I do question her love for him if she is outright saying no

outerspacepotato · 05/09/2025 20:14

This is a terrible idea by the bf. He has not a clue what it's like to raise children after their dad has died of cancer. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, much less demand they do it and try to use selling their home to blackmail her into it. This sounds wild.

Sperm preservation should have been discussed with him by his docs.

Has she been to the docs with him and knows for a fact he has cancer and is terminal in the next 6 months? Is he receiving hospice care if he's not getting treatment.

Is he getting cancer treatment of any kind? If so, sperm preservation should already have been discussed and done.

Does he have brain mets? You see a lot of erratic behaviour when the cancer's spread to the brain.

She needs to bring up his abusive demands to his docs.

Original poster
BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 20:15

@Dabberlocks I get what your saying but then am I the only one who think its kind of "wrong" to lie about that as well?

OP posts:
Bathingforest · 05/09/2025 20:15

Are they married????

Sassylovesbooks · 05/09/2025 20:16

Your sister's boyfriend can freeze his sperm, no one can stop him from doing so. However, your sister is under no obligation to use his sperm in the future. Is he saying that because she doesn't want to have his children, then he wants to sell their shared home and split up??? In effect he's using the house and finances to try and emotionally blackmail your sister into having his children. I understand the diagnosis is a shock, and he has suddenly had his future torn away from him. He wants to leave a part of him behind, in his children and I think that's a natural thought process. However, he shouldn't be using their home and money to force her hand, that's not acceptable. Have they both sought counselling? I think it would be beneficial for you both to talk his fears through.