Dying Sisters BF wants her to have his kids

[BePeppyDuck]

So my sister (28) broke down crying the other day after her and her BF got into an argument. Her BF (29) has been diagnosed with cancer and hasnt got much time to live but her BF was accusing her of not loving him enough and was saying that he wants to sell the house now. He paid the deposite and was also paying the mortgage, He also was paying for life insurance so my sister wouldnt have to worry about paying the mortgage if he passes.

He's actually a really nice man and they never once got into an argument. He helped out my sister and my family Alot but my sister says that she doesnt see the point in having his kids because he wont be around and she doesnt want her kids growing up without a father.

But although he paid the deposite and mortgage, the house is in both of thier names. He started saying that my sister must not love him enough because she wont have his kids and that he doesnt want to die only for her to have kids with another man in a mortgage free house in which he paid the deposite for. I think my sister wants to keep the house but she doesnt have enough money to buy him out or even pay the monthly mortgage.

I dont know what I should do in this situation or what advice to give

(My partner froze his sperm pre-chemo. Just in case. I was 41 at the time, but at least we had the option. He survived & renewed his donation post-chemo in case of relapse)

The title reads as if your sister is dying

Did you read the post, it is already terminal and he was diagnosed quite recently, he hasn’t much time to live, she has not been caring for him for a long time and will not end up caring for him for any length of time worth talking about as he hasn’t long to live and much of that time will likely be spent in hospital !!

So much wrong here. The poor man is clearly scrambling through mental overload, and grasping at the future he thought he/his family would have.

Why has your sister allowed herself to be in such a precarious financial position? She can’t seriously expect to inherit the house?

Is it? When mortality bites, you want to “live forever”, surely? Near death event (terror related) was the kick up the bum for me & my partner at the time. If he wasn’t in the world, I wanted to be sure there was a part of him still with me, and that was the decision maker in having a baby back then.
When my dad died, I wanted sex - life affirming and “I’m still alive” reaction.

i think it’s pretty psychologically normal to rage against death or imminent death with how to remain.

Oh shit. Well I got the wrong end of the stick. Sorry

Why? She can love him and still think having his baby at this time is a terrible idea.

A woman is allowed to change her mind and have agency over her own body.

Awful situation, especially for this poor guy.
She shouldn't feel pressured to have a child by him if she doesn't want to, of course - that's if it's even possible to try and create embryo's or get a viable donation at this stage. (I would have considered this as a younger woman if I found myself in that situation - but now I know how hard it is having kids especially if one or more has any disabilities, and also knowing that family can be very vocal about offering support and then not follow through - I likely wouldn't.)
If I were your DSIS, I would want to get a legal agreement in place to sell the house at a point say, a year after he has passed, and then give the bulk of the funds to his family if that's what he wants (minus the percentage that she has contributed). Because he has paid for pretty much everything by the sounds of it, and has supported her so she hasn't had to work full time.
Its dreadfully sad for her too of course, but she is a young unmarried woman with time to establish a career, get a new home and meet a new man to marry and have a family with, so I'd feel that the bulk of his assets really should go where he wants them to. He may well have siblings and therefore nieces and nephews that he would want to benefit.

This is what I'm not getting. I love my husband but under no circumstance whatsoever would I have his (or anyone else's) child.

It's nothing like stealing in any way.

All she will be doing is (financially) benefiting from the life insurance that they took out for this very reason. If it was the other way around and it was OPs sister who was unwell then the mortgage would also be paid off for her partner.

She's not lying to get her hands on anything, she already has these rights.

ETA: Sorry just reread the OP, not sure if they have mortgage life insurance or regular, but either way this plan was already in place to cover this very scenario, so obviously this is not stealing.

She doesn't have to explain what she chooses to do with her body to them.

Absolutely awful he thinks it’s ok to set her up as a single parent.

Some of the replies on here, how people cannot read and comprehend what a post says before replying baffles me. Anyway. This is a horrible situation and must be awful for both your sister and her partner. I can understand he wants to find comfort in the idea he will have legacy through a child after he has gone. But also I completely understand your sister may not want to bring a child into the world that she would have to raise alone. Don’t know what the answer is honestly, other than can she keep it vague? Allow him to freeze the sperm but not confirm fully that it will be used? Her head must be scrambled dealing with the loss of a partner. In years to come she may well want to have his child, but now is not the time to make that call

Seriously? I adore my DH but I sure as hell don’t want any kids!

What are you talking about! she isn’t changing her mind!!…..she is thinking of lying to a dying man to get her hands on a house that she has contributed nothing to !

It's not stealing, but it's clear that he has invested in their shared future and for the family that they were intending to create.
In this young girlfriend's situation I would personally not feel comfortable inheriting the property unless he was absolutely adamant that he wanted me to, and was giving me his blessing to move on with someone else in the fullness of time.

She's not lying to get her hands on anything, she already has these rights.

But he wants to sell the house ( which she hasn’t contributed to) before he dies to give part of the money to his relatives and she is thinking of lying to prevent him from doing so…..if you don’t think this is stealing then so be it, you obviously have low morals 🤷‍♀️

They get married, he freezes his sperm, he dies (slightly happier about things), she inherits and the sperm stays in the freezer, then?

It isn't going to hurt to freeze his sperm, and in fact your sister might change her mind once he is gone and be grateful for it. It happens. Neither of them know what the future holds in relation to future relationships, it is impossible to know.

If your sister could explain that she isn't certain but wants to support freezing the sperm anyway that might be the solution? He is reeling from the situation from the sound of it.

Hopefully they can talk and work things out and they can enjoy the time they have together.

Well boyfriend is being very selfish asking her to have kids when he isn't around.

He doesn't have any right to ask this and he isn't thinking about your sisters well being or impact it would have on any child.

If he isn't happy. The house needs to be sold, he gets deposit and they split equity. Life insurance goes to his parents

Terminally ill or not, threatening your sister with homelessness if she doesn't get pregnant with his child is an awful thing for him to do. Presumably she's having a terrible time facing the prospect of his imminent death, as well as coping with his illness and supporting him through it. Now isn't the right time for her to make such a huge decision and he shouldn't be demanding it of her. Nor is she a souvenir factory for him to give a grandchild to his parents.

Your sister needs to talk to his doctor if she believes cancer is affecting his brain or mental health. If he's terrified and not thinking rationally then he needs counselling. If he's just being a run of the mill bastard then she needs to talk to Women's Aid.

So lets get this straight.................we are supposed to go by 2025 rules when it comes to her financially contributing right?
But yet some of you want it to be like the 1950s when it comes to her having autonomy over her own body. Its called wanting the bits of feminism that benefit financially and fuck the rest of it.

I'm really not getting the drama here. You say ok let's freeze the sperm, when the time comes blah blah blah. Then when she's grieved etc. she can make a rational choice. A choice over her own body.

A dying man who is blackmailing her.