Dying Sisters BF wants her to have his kids

[BePeppyDuck]

So my sister (28) broke down crying the other day after her and her BF got into an argument. Her BF (29) has been diagnosed with cancer and hasnt got much time to live but her BF was accusing her of not loving him enough and was saying that he wants to sell the house now. He paid the deposite and was also paying the mortgage, He also was paying for life insurance so my sister wouldnt have to worry about paying the mortgage if he passes.

He's actually a really nice man and they never once got into an argument. He helped out my sister and my family Alot but my sister says that she doesnt see the point in having his kids because he wont be around and she doesnt want her kids growing up without a father.

But although he paid the deposite and mortgage, the house is in both of thier names. He started saying that my sister must not love him enough because she wont have his kids and that he doesnt want to die only for her to have kids with another man in a mortgage free house in which he paid the deposite for. I think my sister wants to keep the house but she doesnt have enough money to buy him out or even pay the monthly mortgage.

I dont know what I should do in this situation or what advice to give

And I'm sure you'd also think this was a perfectly reasonable idea if a woman wanted to freeze her eggs and insist her partner get a surrogate to bring her child into the world and raise the baby all by himself 🙄

@kkloo I know for a fact most men would do that especially if they didnt have to worry about paying a mortgage (I would)

I would probably let him do this and decide at a later date what I would do and what would be right for me and any future kids. Very hard. He’s probably also in a stage of shock if this is news. I would just be as supportive as you can and be more listening than giving advice. Ultimately if she’s not ready to have a baby that’s absolutely her choice regardless of the situation. I suppose freezing his sperm gives everyone more choice that they otherwise wouldn’t have so it is a practical compromise of sorts. I would probably delicately agree this would provide some peace for the BF and in that case it would be worth doing. Whether that means your sister does have a baby or not at a later date is another matter but for now I’d probably see that as a meaningful way to help the BF find some sort of peace. Xox

Don't be so ridiculous

This

Yes I think I'm missing something here. Obviously it's an awful situation but I see no problem with a woman taking agency over her own body.

So he wants to make her a lone parent and his kids to not have a dad?

Why isnt she also contributing financially? He seems to resent paying for everything, maybe he should just leave it to someone else, his parents or siblings maybe?

It sounds like the boyfriend had not processed this at all understandably and is traumatised and not thinking straight. He's also pushing away someone he loves and cares about. I think your sister could say that thinking about having kids now is absolutely not on the agenda but if he does decide to freeze his sperm it's something she can think about in the future when she is in a position to think straight. There's either a policy for life/ critical insurance where is the beneficiary or there isn't. If there is if he cancelled it we left her high a dry out of basically that feels like a deal-breaker. They need to have some open and honest conversations about how to support him and her with important plans and the future going forward

yes we do seem to have found a situation where some on MN are ok with a womans body being bought

he doesnt want to die only for her to have kids with another man in a mortgage free house in which he paid the deposite for

A horrible situation to be in, but I think this really shows how actions that look devoted or generous can be self-serving, once you get down to it. So many men primarily see their women as just vessels for their children, and that's the main reason why they invest in them - it's not because they love their girlfriend or wife as an autonomous human being.

He's saying 'if she loved me, she'd do this'......well, she could say the same and say if he really loved her, he wouldn't ask her to be a single mum, make such a massive, which he won't even be around to see or help with.

Are you kidding? He is using emotional blackmail to try and force her into a pregnancy. You think the children will ever forgive him once they find out? Don´t think they won't find out in the end. They will also learn their mother didn't really want them. What sort of relationship will that make?

Furthermore, he is treating her body like property. He paid for the house, so now she owes him her womb and the rest of her life? He is an abusive asshole. No, the fact that he is dying does not excuse his behavior.

He is being incredibly manipulative. I would even wager that he maneuvered her into buying a house she could not afford on her own, so she would feel obligated to "carry his legacy".

yes and widows who move on get judged more than widowers who move on even if the widow remarries years later and the widower remmarries months later

And when he tells his parents / friends that she is going to have his children?

First of all - I am sorry to hear about your sister and her BF.
It is a lot to process.
Just to say sperm can be frozen for up to 10 years under current regulations in the UK (can't remember which institution covers it with the NHS). If your sister is assigned as the main beneficial person - she doesn't need to make any immediate decision to fulfill her BFs wishes.

Won't matter later on. She won't have to keep in touch if she decides not to

It’s effectively stealing, she is going to lie to get her hands on a house that she has contributed nothing to……his parents might eventually want to know where the future grandchildren are….is she going to lie again then

This is his way of trying to keep her as his! Trapping her to hus family when he's gone.
I would just go along with it. Let him freeze his sperm.
Agree to it. Carry on with her own contraception!
No harm done. I certainly wouldn't as a young woman as she is have a child with him if he's dying! It's a selfish request.

As you are only seeing her contribution in monetary terms then i take it it wont matter if she doesnt do any personal care for him, being as financial is the only contribution that matters

As a grandparent I wouldn't wish this on her and would dissuade my son

The reality of the situation is that the house is in joint names. We don’t know whether that is as joint tenants or tenants in common.

Your sister needs to get legal advice. If it is a JT he can easily sever that and leave his 50% to someone else.

She is young, they have not been together for decades and aside from that it unfortunately seems like he is going to have a short illness time, much of which will probably spent in hospital…..it’s not as if she has been his career for years

No but its likely she will be if he is terminal Why is money the only contribution that matters? And ppl have got the fucking gall to come on this site and wonder why family cant/wont provide care to ill/elderly relatives!

😂😂😂😂
Most men.......suuuuuure

If he’s been told his cancer is terminal, is he on any medication to prolong things? Would it even be feasible to freeze it? It’s normal to do it before any medication starts, so it might be a non starter if he’s already taking medication.

I think that your sister has every right to tell him to fuck right off. Having a plan to start a family with your partner in the future is one thing. Being used to create a memorial tribute in the form of a fatherless child is not only a fucking insane concept, it also does nothing to prevent your sister from meeting someone else and promptly having eight children with them. I think he needs some counselling to come to terms with his diagnosis.

Freeze the sperm, “decide” later in life. He’s reeling from shock (as am sure are all of you).
put a pin in this one, give him some solace and peace of mind.