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Original poster

Dying Sisters BF wants her to have his kids

367 replies

BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 19:49

So my sister (28) broke down crying the other day after her and her BF got into an argument. Her BF (29) has been diagnosed with cancer and hasnt got much time to live but her BF was accusing her of not loving him enough and was saying that he wants to sell the house now. He paid the deposite and was also paying the mortgage, He also was paying for life insurance so my sister wouldnt have to worry about paying the mortgage if he passes.

He's actually a really nice man and they never once got into an argument. He helped out my sister and my family Alot but my sister says that she doesnt see the point in having his kids because he wont be around and she doesnt want her kids growing up without a father.

But although he paid the deposite and mortgage, the house is in both of thier names. He started saying that my sister must not love him enough because she wont have his kids and that he doesnt want to die only for her to have kids with another man in a mortgage free house in which he paid the deposite for. I think my sister wants to keep the house but she doesnt have enough money to buy him out or even pay the monthly mortgage.

I dont know what I should do in this situation or what advice to give

OP posts:
Original poster
BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 20:17

@Bathingforest no they aint married but he said that he would love to get married before he passes

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 05/09/2025 20:18

FairKoala · 05/09/2025 20:14

If he freezes his sperm then says in his will she can have the house for the next year and get pregnant using his sperm otherwise house sold, mortgage paid off and 50% of the equity goes to his family and she gets the other 50% and moves on.

I do question her love for him if she is outright saying no

Utter shite
I love DH to bits but I would never have had his children after he died by choice

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 05/09/2025 20:18

I do question her love for him if she is outright saying no

Really?! It would be beyond selfish to create children knowing you're going to die soon, I think.

Hoppinggreen · 05/09/2025 20:18

BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 20:17

@Bathingforest no they aint married but he said that he would love to get married before he passes

She should do that, it will make things easier from a bureaucratic standpoint as well as making him happy

TomatoSandwiches · 05/09/2025 20:19

FairKoala · 05/09/2025 20:14

If he freezes his sperm then says in his will she can have the house for the next year and get pregnant using his sperm otherwise house sold, mortgage paid off and 50% of the equity goes to his family and she gets the other 50% and moves on.

I do question her love for him if she is outright saying no

You think she should deliberately have a child knowing she would be depriving that child of a living father?

What has that got to do with loving someone? Wtf is wrong with you?

Original poster
BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 20:20

@Sassylovesbooks they were both planning on having kids next year but then maybe he also thinks that it would give his parents comfort knowing that a part of him is still left in the world.

OP posts:
Bathingforest · 05/09/2025 20:21

this is extremely hard because he did to this point all that a man should do for a woman, apart for the fact they are married....so he expect reciprocity like marriage and kids but in this case she should not do it. She could marry someone else and have a normal family ....well, I know someone whose husband died of cancer and she conceived a child born without a father but as she has had love I suppose and great grief, her decision has her own depth....

itsgettingweird · 05/09/2025 20:22

BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 19:56

@titchy he says that he wants to freeze his sperm so that eventually she can have his kids

Let him freeze his sperm.

She doesn’t have to use it but I think right now the emotions will be so high that they’ll never come to any agreement because fear makes you irrational.

I wouldn’t be telling him not to as you’ll never have his kids as there’s no need. He knows deep down she is under no obligation to use the sperm but he probably needs to feel right now that she might.

TomatoSandwiches · 05/09/2025 20:22

If he loved her he would not ask her to have a child knowing she would be alone and the child would not have a father in their life, if he loved her he would want her to have an uncomplicated future.

Im sorry he has cancer and may be dying but he has no right to ask or question her about this, he needs therapy because he is being inappropriate.

Original poster
BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 20:24

@TomatoSandwiches I get what your saying but then there are plenty of single mothers out there who's partner has suddenly died or even done a runner.

But then I can also understand my sisters fears because raising kids on her own would be tough and even if the house is mortgage free she will still have to pay for other things like food, clothes, rates, electricity etc and my sister only works part time

OP posts:
Dweetfidilove · 05/09/2025 20:24

TomatoSandwiches · 05/09/2025 20:19

You think she should deliberately have a child knowing she would be depriving that child of a living father?

What has that got to do with loving someone? Wtf is wrong with you?

Show quote history

I'm giving the poster the benefit of the doubt... They're saying the sister should say yes to comfort him / allow him to pass peacefully; but is not obligated to use the spem once he's passed 🤞🏾🤷🏾‍♀️.

Itchyfeetkeepmemoving · 05/09/2025 20:25

BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 19:56

@titchy he says that he wants to freeze his sperm so that eventually she can have his kids

Say yes and then don’t do it. He’s dead, he won’t know.

Papyrophile · 05/09/2025 20:25

Barking mad, the whole crowd. Who demands a child to leave their parents a grandchild? That the father is not going to be present to parent. Just exit the building quietly without any alarms.

deadpan · 05/09/2025 20:25

That's a heartbreaking reaction he's having, which isn't surprising with such an awful situation and being so young. I can see why he would want to feel as though a part of him would live on in a child. Poor bloke.
Can't your sister agree to him freezing his sperm, if thats what he wants.

Butchyrestingface · 05/09/2025 20:25

Couldn't she just nod and say "Yes, dear, no dear, three bags full, dear"?

He's not gonna be any the wiser what she does once he's dead and if it would give him peace, mental as it all sounds ...

Zanatdy · 05/09/2025 20:29

I guess he wants his legacy to continue, so can understand why he has suggested it. But it’s a big thing to bring children into the world after their father has died. Does he think if she has DC less chance of her living in the property with a new partner? His idea is quite selfish, but I don’t judge him given his situation. Really difficult.

Beerpink · 05/09/2025 20:31

BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 20:15

@Dabberlocks I get what your saying but then am I the only one who think its kind of "wrong" to lie about that as well?

You’re very right. She shoudn’t lie to him. She has a right to her womb that he can’t override either. Does he have any close family?

TomatoSandwiches · 05/09/2025 20:31

BePeppyDuck · 05/09/2025 20:24

@TomatoSandwiches I get what your saying but then there are plenty of single mothers out there who's partner has suddenly died or even done a runner.

But then I can also understand my sisters fears because raising kids on her own would be tough and even if the house is mortgage free she will still have to pay for other things like food, clothes, rates, electricity etc and my sister only works part time

You don't ask people you love to make their lives harder because you have an existential crisis, I understand he is desperate but it is not ok to ask someone this unless they bring it up, it's not something you can ask someone off.
He isn't thinking about her or a child at all, this is a selfish demand and quite frankly disgusting.

crunchermuncher · 05/09/2025 20:32

She could turn that blackmail around : if he really loved her he would want her to have a future, not be shackled to the past, raising babies alone while she's a grieving widow.

Bloody hell! I know he's young and dying but that's fucked up.

Italiangreyhound · 05/09/2025 20:33

It's definitely worth freezing his sperm but our sister can have kids with whoever she wants. He is thinking short term, and must be struggling with a lot. I am sure if he really thought about it he would not want his or her children growing up without a father.

Italiangreyhound · 05/09/2025 20:33

Your sister

BrendaSmall · 05/09/2025 20:34

Had he had any treatment yet?
his sperm count may be affected if so.
what’s his prognosis, have he been given a timescale as to how long he’s got left?

Kieran3030 · 05/09/2025 20:36

This reply has been deleted

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InMyShowgirlEra · 05/09/2025 20:36

BrendaSmall · 05/09/2025 20:34

Had he had any treatment yet?
his sperm count may be affected if so.
what’s his prognosis, have he been given a timescale as to how long he’s got left?

Good point, is it recommended to use sperm created during chemo?

Hoppinggreen · 05/09/2025 20:37

Beerpink · 05/09/2025 20:31

You’re very right. She shoudn’t lie to him. She has a right to her womb that he can’t override either. Does he have any close family?

Show quote history

I don't see what harm it would do and it would make him happy

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