He just found my copy of 'Why does he do that'

[Needingadvice05]

In my bag... how do I handle it?

Does someone think you’re in an abusive relationship?

My therapist told me to read it after having difficulties with my partner... he just found it in my bag - he's came in the bedroom and chucked it on the bed and walked out

Oh I misread my bad. Does he know what it is? Can you play it off as just another book?

I think he's looked at it

Fuck that. In an ideal world you'd have the locks changed and it resting on top of his stuff in a rubbish bag but, sadly, life isn't always like the movies.

@Needingadvice05 Are you safe?

Well, was he going through your stuff.
He is abusive
You will have to separate.

Are you actively planning to leave

Yes. Sadly if OP is just reading a book like this she is not in an ideal world.

Take care. Looks like he's choosing to do that.

He rooted through your bag??
He’s gone off in a sulk?

Can you claim it's a friend's book and she asked you to hold onto it for her?

I hope you're safe

It was in my bag in the bathroom that he doesn't use but I think he just went in there to use the toilet.. I think the bag was partially open but the book was at the bottom of the bag? Idk...

im not actively planning to leave no... and now im even questioning if his behaviour was that bad? But him finding that book is so damaging for our relationship

Well how you handle it depends mainly on whether you think you are safe in the immediacy. Are you safe right now, OP?

A friend is having troubles and asked you to take the book for her, because she was afraid her arsehole of a partner could rummage through her things and find it in her back.

Ok, probably not a good idea, I suppose it isn't very safe thing to say, but I hope it will at least entertain you a bit.

Maybe something like that you've read about the book/colleague talked about it at work, but to be honest it isn't really what you expected?

Sorry, we crossed over. Are you asking how you maintain and salvage the relationship? If you have been given this book by a therapist, then it suggests you should be looking for a way out.

Is it the book that's damaging? Or his behaviour?

I think if my partner found that book he'd be curious and maybe a bit hurt or defensive but would want to discuss it. Why did your partner throw the book?

don mention, if he brings it up talk about the issues that lead to you buying it. If you can’t do that ask yourself why.

How is the book damaging to your relationship?

I already messaged him telling him 'it's just a stupid book my therapist told me to read'

@itsgivingenglishteacheryes I am x

@Subwaystopbecause I think he'll think 'f* her' after seeing that and want to leave.. not sure what I would think if I found that in my partners bag...

Your therapist thinks you need this book. Your therapist thinks his behaviour is abusive. He has seen the book and knows you know.

Have you read the book yet? Do you recognise him or his behaviour in any of the abuse types described?

If your therapist thinks you should read this book, your therapist probably thinks it likely you're in a bad relationship.

I suspect you’re blaming your therapist because you’re not ready to admit you’re in an abusive relationship. Please keep trying

So OP -

You are in therapy and the subject of your relationship has come up. Your therapist, who will be trained in DA, is concerned enough to suggest a book to you about abusive relationships.

Your partner went through your bag. He found the book, took it out, threw it on the bed and walked out. Does that seem normal to you? If it does, that is very very concerning. You are already downplaying his behaviour and blaming it on your therapist.

You sound like you are being abused.

Most genuine people would stop and take a look at themselves. Ask their partner if they are ok and happy.
Why don’t you re train your thoughts and plan to leave instead of trying to keep him .

Can you see why something you have told your therapist made them suggest this book?