Relationship and life insurance odd behaviour

[hagimarker]

My DP is mid 60s I am late 40s. We have been together 10 years. He has DC I don't and no DC together. I wanted to get married, he knew it but it never happened and now I know it won't. He is financially secure, I am not as my work has always been freelance (nature of the arts industry). Every now and then I suggest we start paying towards life insurance mainly because if something happens to him I end up homeless. We do not own a property together. Every time I bring up the topic he gets agressive and combative. It has never been 'of course let's do it and give you the peace of mind'. In my previous long term relationships the topic of life insurance has always come up early on and naturally. Simply a clear message 'I care and want to make sure we are looked after'. Here is not the case and I am puzzled as why after a decade together we've build nothing, not even a sense of safety in case of a crisis. Am I missing something?

Because he's already financially secure, he doesn't give a shit what happens to you after he's gone.
He must be selfish in other ways.

He’s ploughing his own furrow and that of his children with no regard to you. Goodbye time.

he is selfish @CryptoFascist , you are absolutely correct. Every sentence even after 10 years starts with 'I', there is never 'we'. I only started noticing it in last couple of years.

As you would lose out considerably if he were to die, I think you should look at taking out a life assurance policy on him yourself.

Do you know where his assets go when he dies? Will you get to live in the house for your lifetime for example?

Life insurance is one factor but surely he’s providing for you in other ways in the event he dies? Particularly since statistically he will die first given the age gap?

When he gets aggressive and combative what does he actually say? Is it a refusal at all to consider it or some reason he doesn’t want to?

@Hadalifeonce is that even possible? to take insurance on somebody else?

Why haven’t you built your own security?

Whats your plan for income if he dies? Would you be able to support yourself on what you earn?

I think as you can prove considerable hardship it is possible

Yes I’m pretty sure it is.
Just do some research, Google your query, ring a couple of companies.

@Lmnop22 all his assets go to his DC, I do not get to live in his house. There is no provision for me. There is nothing in place in case he dies. He actually often says he is not planning to die, he thinks he will be living long and in good health.
He behaves as if providing security for me in case something happens is hard doing on him.

Answering questions why I havent build is irrelevant here to this story. I did not have means to do it. Life just took an unexpected turn in the past.

If you were a man, people would be saying he is right not to marry you and protect his childrens inheritance. Why have you not done the same? Why are you depending on a man, who you are not married to, to secure your future?

You’re young enough to build a decent career / retrain in something more profitable if you need to and build up your own financial security. I think if you were say…close to retirement age and he hadn’t made provisions for you it would be more concerning

He’s understandably prioritising his children.

Of course he doesn’t plan to die, none of us do!

What’s telling here is that he does not seem to care enough about you to ensure your financial security even in the short term if he were to die. That’s his right but it’s a little cold for a long term partner in my opinion!

I would be focusing on building as much as you can alone - pay into pensions, get a nest egg building if you can, retrain and go for promotions and really try to build your finances yourself and come to terms (if you can) with the fact he simply doesn’t want you having any of his assets at all

I think you need to start building up your assets now OP.
I want my DP to be comfortable when I die, but I also expect him to make his own provisions and not to rely on me for his own retirement. I know it's hard- I work in the arts too- but I'd really be trying to make sure I could look after myself if I was you.

This He is financially secure, I am not as my work has always been freelance (nature of the arts industry).
So you've always in this relationship been dependent on him? How much do you actually work?

well to clarify he always asks to be made a beneficiary of my potential inheritance. I may never get it because it may go to fund care for my elderly family member but it was dropped in the conversation. As if 'what is it that I am going to get if you (I) die?'

Nobody 'plans' to die. My DH died last year aged 59 and he certainly didn't plan it. Your partner is naive and selfish. If he has any redeeming points and you enjoy your life with him otherwise, then take out your own insurance on him if you can. Alternatively, time to call it a day and find someone who gives a bit more of a toss about you.

@SparklyGlitterballs your last sentecne about giving a toss is where I am actually heading with this post

I do not want to digress into how much I work, who depends on who becasue this is a decade of life together and various life situation - all irrelevant to the actual post.

My point in all this - am I right to think, feel that this man is simply not that into me?

@SparklyGlitterballs and I am sorry for your loss - this is exactly that death. illness, accident it is all so sudden and being laxed about it as he is puzzles me.

There's absolutely no way he cares, if you've asked him to protect you and he's brushed it off ....sorry 💐

Whoa there. I was sitting on the fence until that update. Agree with building up e.g. a private pension etc BUT what a selfish man. Does he have any redeeming qualities? What do you like about him?

He doesn’t sound very caring OP. Your income or financial situation to me, is irrelevant. You have invested 10 years into a relationship that has no financial security. For me, this would be a deal breaker. It is very reasonable to be considering this at this stage. It would be a very understandable reason to end the relationship. However, perhaps a new discussion on expectations of the relationship needs to be had. Share how you feel.

So he outright asks to be your beneficiary but won't even make plans to allow you time to find a new home if he dies?

If a friend told you that what would you say?

Please protect yourself. He's clearly zero interest in protecting you in any way.

@DrSnooze made me chuckle

@PeonyPatch I feel exactly as you put it. I entered this relationship as it was openly said we are heading towards marriage, home, building a future together. Security. I trusted that plan but the plan has changed. He doesn't want to get married and I suspect he never did. It was just to lure me in. I feel this is a deal breaker and I came here to seek confirmation that others (some) may agree.