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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Disaster of a holiday…what now?

180 replies

Raisetheroof2026 · 25/08/2025 08:52

Hi wise mumsnetters. I could really use some perspective and sanity check. I’ve just returned from what can only be described as a week from hell. A much needed self catering break abroad that I’ve saved for and been excited for. I have 2 teen sons (13 and 17). I am divorced from their father and have a son with my partner (DP) -3. We’ve been together for 7 years. The entire holiday was DP and my older 2 Ds’s bickering and fighting. I’m so disappointed mainly in DP. He is meant to be the adult. He has acted like a bully at times - shouting at DS13 for washing dishes “wrong” and because he woke him up on the plane!!It’s been pretty much me stuck in the middle of it all. Sure- teenagers can be annoying but my God.

I really cannot look this man in the eye. I’m so angry with him for spoiling the holiday with his attitude. He really has been a man child.

I haven’t been happy for a while but this feels like the last straw. I feel like I have to choose between keeping the peace for my younger DS to have a father present and backing my older two sons up (which I want to do!!). Has anyone been in this situation? Please advise me.

OP posts:
Feenduvetcover · 25/08/2025 08:53

You need to make a choice.

I hope you make the right one.

good luck.

PersephoneParlormaid · 25/08/2025 08:54

I feel so sorry for your older two, make the right decision.

CopperWhite · 25/08/2025 08:54

Get rid of him. He can’t be allowed to make your older children’s home life miserable.

ConnieHeart · 25/08/2025 08:55

What's he usually like with the kids? If there's tension between them at home it tends to be magnified on holiday, being stuck with each other all the time, as I know from experience!

zaxxon · 25/08/2025 08:55

Have you talked to your sons about how they feel?
Have you talked to your partner?

There's clearly a lot going on beneath the surface. Their responses will help you work out what to do.

SquirrelSoShiny · 25/08/2025 08:56

Honestly it sounds like things are coming to a head. So in these situations you either talk things through together, talk things through with a couple's counsellor or tell him you want to end the relationship. That's the order I would do things in.

Your sons deserve better but it's an awkward age and stage all round. If your partner is decent he will see he was out of order, apologise and do better next time. If he doubles down move to couple's counselling?

BellissimoGecko · 25/08/2025 08:56

What is he usually like?

Why haven’t you been happy for a while?

FruitNotCake · 25/08/2025 08:57

You need to talk to your partner explaining the impact of his behaviour on all three children. If he cannot adapt then you need to choose the children over him, however two DS have already been through a break down of a relationship and youngest will go through the same which will be terrible for all of them and you. I would try and salvage things if possible but with a set short timeline before making changes if partner won’t budge on his behaviour. Also teens can be difficult so clashes even with their natural parents are fairly normal. Only you can judge what is normal teen/adult issues and what is “evil step dad” behaviour.

FollowSpot · 25/08/2025 08:57

Another male’s children in the nest, starting towards adulthood.

See The Lion King, Hamlet…the natural world where the alpha male of the group is challenged for position by the younger ones…

You could try talking to your DP about this, and ask if he is aware that he is doing it, and why he is doing it.

What has been making you less happy for a while?

Pepperedpickles · 25/08/2025 08:59

You need to leave. He’s a bully and your sons deserve a happy childhood- all of them. Your poor sons.

HelloCheekyCat · 25/08/2025 09:00

keeping the peace for my younger DS to have a father present

It's hardly peaceful if his dad is arguing with his older brothers.all the time is it!

Original poster
Raisetheroof2026 · 25/08/2025 09:02

Thanks for the replies.
re being unhappy - he’s moody and has a bad temper. It’s just about fine because normal life means we aren’t in each others faces.
I understand the children can be hard work but they are children. He is an adult. I feel so sorry for the DS13. He’s desperate to win my DPs affection and friendship but DP is a cold fish and cannot lean into it at all. I want to choose my older two naturally but then I’m making a broken parent relationship again for my younger DS.
this is all a mess and I just want to cry.

OP posts:
BabyCatFace · 25/08/2025 09:03

Your youngest is only 3 and you are already sick of his father. How do you think staying with him for the next 15+ years is going to work out? It's ok to split from your child's father if the relationship isn't working. Back your sons, they don't deserve this.

ActuallyRomantic · 25/08/2025 09:04

@Raisetheroof2026 If he’s a moody, bad-tempered cold fish, he’ll be like that with his own son eventually. You’d be doing all of your children a favour removing him from their home - and you. What a miserable life for you all.

wonderstuff · 25/08/2025 09:07

You model to your children relationships, if the model all three have is not healthy and respectful I honestly don’t think you’re doing any of them any favours.

YesHonestly · 25/08/2025 09:09

Your poor 13 year old.

I also think you have a choice to make OP.

Pepperedpickles · 25/08/2025 09:10

Raisetheroof2026 · 25/08/2025 09:02

Thanks for the replies.
re being unhappy - he’s moody and has a bad temper. It’s just about fine because normal life means we aren’t in each others faces.
I understand the children can be hard work but they are children. He is an adult. I feel so sorry for the DS13. He’s desperate to win my DPs affection and friendship but DP is a cold fish and cannot lean into it at all. I want to choose my older two naturally but then I’m making a broken parent relationship again for my younger DS.
this is all a mess and I just want to cry.

Your youngest is so little he won’t remember being a family with your dh at all. It much easier to leave now than when they get older. Your dh obviously resents your other two. It’s never going to get better and the longer you stay the more damaging it is to their self esteem and self confidence.

Empress13 · 25/08/2025 09:23

How is he with the 3 year old? Will he get worse with your son and favour his biological son as he gets older. Sorry OP it’s a really difficult situation but you need to put your son first. You say he’s moody etc that’s not going to change unfortunately and the fact you all can’t be together on a simple week’s holiday speaks volumes

Btowngirl · 25/08/2025 09:25

If he’s like this with the older 2, he will be like it with the younger one in 10 or so years. Your youngest will have a better life in a happy home than a together one with a bad atmosphere and bickering/shouting all the time.

SquirrelSoShiny · 25/08/2025 09:29

So that's new information in your last update. You clearly would benefit from a separation and time to see how life is without him. If it's better - which it sounds like it will be - then that's helpful to see.

Let him go and do some individual therapy to get to the root of what's going on.

heartsinvisiblefury · 25/08/2025 09:40

Put your 13 year old first and get rid of this man child.

NewsdeskJC · 25/08/2025 10:04

He is moody and a bad temper. For the love of God, raise your expectations and leave.
My own ddad was moody, unpredictable and a temper. It literally impacted every moment of my childhood and I carried it into adulthood, hyper aware people pleaser I became.

Ratafia · 25/08/2025 10:28

I couldn't tolerate a man who bullies a 13 year old. Get rid.

rocketrabbit · 25/08/2025 10:31

Raisetheroof2026 · 25/08/2025 09:02

Thanks for the replies.
re being unhappy - he’s moody and has a bad temper. It’s just about fine because normal life means we aren’t in each others faces.
I understand the children can be hard work but they are children. He is an adult. I feel so sorry for the DS13. He’s desperate to win my DPs affection and friendship but DP is a cold fish and cannot lean into it at all. I want to choose my older two naturally but then I’m making a broken parent relationship again for my younger DS.
this is all a mess and I just want to cry.

What will you do if you stay and he then turns on your youngest when he reaches puberty?

You're right, it is a mess. Sorry op. But a relationship that only works because you avoid him most of the time is no way to live.

My father was a horrendous bully and we were at the mercy of his mood swings. Through my teens we spent most evenings wandering around the local supermarket to avoid being in the house with him. I wish my mother had just got a grip and ended the relationship.

Epidote · 25/08/2025 10:40

I suspect this degerated when you have your third kid. A baby, two growing kids etc is a lot and he doesn't like them that much so is compiting for your attention. Obviously he won't compite with a 3 years that is his own, but he can show his feathers to the two teens that live with him and are not related.
If this is the case, he is a man child. You will need to think about leave because he has now a path and he won't change it for good.