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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Disaster of a holiday…what now?

180 replies

Raisetheroof2026 · 25/08/2025 08:52

Hi wise mumsnetters. I could really use some perspective and sanity check. I’ve just returned from what can only be described as a week from hell. A much needed self catering break abroad that I’ve saved for and been excited for. I have 2 teen sons (13 and 17). I am divorced from their father and have a son with my partner (DP) -3. We’ve been together for 7 years. The entire holiday was DP and my older 2 Ds’s bickering and fighting. I’m so disappointed mainly in DP. He is meant to be the adult. He has acted like a bully at times - shouting at DS13 for washing dishes “wrong” and because he woke him up on the plane!!It’s been pretty much me stuck in the middle of it all. Sure- teenagers can be annoying but my God.

I really cannot look this man in the eye. I’m so angry with him for spoiling the holiday with his attitude. He really has been a man child.

I haven’t been happy for a while but this feels like the last straw. I feel like I have to choose between keeping the peace for my younger DS to have a father present and backing my older two sons up (which I want to do!!). Has anyone been in this situation? Please advise me.

OP posts:
BustyLaRoux · 27/08/2025 14:03

Raisetheroof2026 · 27/08/2025 14:02

Whilst I appreciate the messages the tone of this one and a few others are particularly off. Because I haven’t updated you and done what you have advised them he’s “weaseled” his way back? Honestly. I’ve had a mental 24 hours. A very emotional and practically busy one. Yes he’s left. Yes it’s the right thing to do. It’s very hard all round. Thanks for everything and I’m signing off here to deal with the fallout.

Show quote history

I don’t blame you. I’m sorry this thread has gone the way it has. Wishing you strength and fortune xx

Original poster
Raisetheroof2026 · 27/08/2025 14:03

BustyLaRoux · 27/08/2025 13:47

It’s not easy to end a relationship. Especially when you live together and there are children involved. Huge amount of emotional, practical and financial stresses mean it’s not always as easy as just LTB! I‘m not saying OP should stay in the relationship. I was one of the posters who said they had also been in a relationship where step parent had clashed with my DC and where I had moved out (other reasons as well) and I advised OP to prioritise her older DSs. However it took me several attempts. It was one of the hardest things I’ve done. The DP in this case sounds aggressive, and controlling and that makes leaving even harder. One of the least helpful things is the shame attached to not ending things straight away. Where people on this forum (and maybe IRL) are saying “haven’t you left yet?” and so on. It makes you feel terrible shame. You know what you must do but it is really hard if you’re in an abusive relationship. You may not have the strength or the fight left in you, you may have had your confidence eroded. You may be scared. Shame on top of all that can make you crawl into your shell!

FWIW @Raisetheroof2026 if you’re still here then I think you know what you need to do. It’s hard not to get sucked back in or to let things drift until it gets blown over again, temporarily. I think everyone here wants to support you and if you’re feeling pressure or shame and that prevents you coming back here then start a new thread, if you need support. There is another thread I am watching where the OP has suddenly realised her DH is an abusive asshole and she is trying to leave. Everyone on that thread is sooooo supportive. There’s no shaming statements asking why she hasn’t left yet. MN can be a great source of support. I think the difference here is that you have DC and everyone can be very quick to judge you as a parent.

I just wanted to say I get it. We’re here to support you with emotional or practical advice if you need it. If not, then good luck. You can do it. It’s hard, but very worthwhile and you’ll be so glad you did a few months from now.

Thanks so much for this. It’s not just super easy as you say. I appreciate your words.

OP posts:
mumbun12345 · 27/08/2025 20:40

Oh gosh. I am so sorry. I feel compelled to reply after you said he had a bad temper and was moody (I haven’t read through all other comments or updates so apologies if I have missed something else)

This is no way to live your life.

It is so tough but you know deep down in your heart of hearts what you should do. It takes so much courage to leave a bad relationship but it sounds like that might be best here. It’s not an easy road to take but at the end of the day you will know you’ve done everything you possibly can to prioritise your children.

Is there any way you can access a therapist for some support with this? Xxx

Harry12345 · 27/08/2025 21:47

Hope everything goes ok for you, the harsh responses isn’t what you need and can be hurtful and patronising as if he’s a horrible man 100% of the time, obviously there’s positives to him and you’ve loved him but when you get that feeling when you know his behaviour is wrong and there is no sign of changing you are definitely going the right thing. I know how hard and heartbreaking this will be for you, wishing you all the strength in the coming months xxx

FollowSpot · 27/08/2025 22:27

@Raisetheroof2026 I am so glad he has gone, well done. it has been a huge and sudden journey for you, you must be reeling.

I hope you have good RL support.

MN is mental at the moment.

You did well to face up to the problem rather than view it as a phase / bickering and brush it under the carpet. You did well to take such quick action. You did well to push on even when he refused to leave.

Ongoing strength to you

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