Disaster of a holiday…what now?

[Raisetheroof2026]

Hi wise mumsnetters. I could really use some perspective and sanity check. I’ve just returned from what can only be described as a week from hell. A much needed self catering break abroad that I’ve saved for and been excited for. I have 2 teen sons (13 and 17). I am divorced from their father and have a son with my partner (DP) -3. We’ve been together for 7 years. The entire holiday was DP and my older 2 Ds’s bickering and fighting. I’m so disappointed mainly in DP. He is meant to be the adult. He has acted like a bully at times - shouting at DS13 for washing dishes “wrong” and because he woke him up on the plane!!It’s been pretty much me stuck in the middle of it all. Sure- teenagers can be annoying but my God.

I really cannot look this man in the eye. I’m so angry with him for spoiling the holiday with his attitude. He really has been a man child.

I haven’t been happy for a while but this feels like the last straw. I feel like I have to choose between keeping the peace for my younger DS to have a father present and backing my older two sons up (which I want to do!!). Has anyone been in this situation? Please advise me.

Agree with this.

Men just resort to banging their chests and trying to claim dominance over everyone …. Not cute.

I have two DS myself and after a recent horrendous experience with fairly new DP I won’t be having men in my household moving forwards.

It just doesn’t work.

If you stick it out with your partner you'll be unhappy anyway. Your older boys will leave home and when they have partners will either not know how to have a good relationship - which obviously you wouldn't want - or they'll find a partner whose dad is great, and they'll bond with them. That will mean they will see far less of you. I've seen it happen loads of times. Having a good male role model is something a lot of boys really want and when they find one they'll want to spend time with them.

It depends. My teen ds and dh (his stepdad) clash sometimes. I think my dh could react better but I can also see that ds does have a lot of teen attitude and can be rude and disrespectful, often aimed at dh because of all the alpha male bullshit that men and growing boys go through.

It is absolutely draining being stuck in the middle and having to intervene. If I ever felt that Dh was needlessly bullying my ds I would of course defend him. Ds always comes first.

If you can see that it was your Dh creating these problems and behaving unfairly to your dc that you do have to address that, its not ok and will make their home life miserable.

You need to get rid of him, he sounds awful and your sons are suffering because of him.

You say you’re with him for your 3 year old, well it doesn’t sound like a very nice atmosphere for him to be in either.

Trust me
He will be the same with his own child ,when they develop a personality.
Save all three from a bully

Hell would freeze over before anyone treated my children badly. Especially someone I was in a relationship with.

There’s nothing to deliberate here. Stand up for your sons and yourself.

Your poor 13yo - that's so sad to read.

Your poor children. Blended families don’t work, it’s often the children who are dragged into their mum or dad’s new marriage who really suffer.

You need to put your sons first.
Your boys will watch his behavior and if you condone it they will think its normal.
You need to model better parenting and ask him to leave. Explain to all of your sons that this is not normal behavior and it's not okay.
This kind of bullying and rejection will hard for them to heal from, get out as soon as you can.

sounds like your relationship may have run its course.
counselling/mediation needed

That’s an awful thing to say, there’s some children damaged by their birth parents just as much

I don't have kids but I have a 13 year old nephew who comes over regularly. If my partner so much as raised his voice slightly at him I'd be furious, and if he shouted at him I'd be ending the relationship. He has a 12 year old son who lives with us full time, and as annoying as he can be at times (as can all teens), I never even talk to him without a smile on my face. I strongly believe if you're not the parent/carer you don't get involved in disciplining the children - certainly not shouting at them.

He’s horrible to your older sons and a poor example to his own
a poor partner to you
and sounds vile

do the right thing and get rid and put your boys first

Splitting up is certainly an option and you should do so without hesitation if this is the likely future if you stay together. But if it s it just this holiday that he’s acted like this then it’s pretty hasty to do so straightaway.

Presumably he used to be nice to your older kids and have a good relationship with them, or you wouldn’t have stayed with him for years, moved him into your home and had a child with him. Have you discussed what’s changed with him? Would family counseling be a route back to those better times?

always put your children first - esp the ones who were already hurt by your second relationship.

Three children and a grown up who can't control his moods or his temper😱 please leave or tell him to leave before something awful.happens, there is nothing to consider here except the safety and wellbeing of your children

Exactly the same as me. Its damaged me probably beyond repair although I do try. I'm such a people pleaser my husband can't even bloody frown at me without a sick feeling coming into my stomach and the feeling of dread washing over me that I've done something wrong. It's not healthy - being like this ruined my childhood and most of my adulthood.

OP you need to get rid of this man before he damages them more than you understand right now. He will mentally break them.

I feel so sorry for the DS13. He’s desperate to win my DPs affection and friendship but DP is a cold fish and cannot lean into it at all.

Your 13yr old has been living with a guy that gives him the cold shoulder since he was 6yrs old? What’s wrong with you, OP?

Just an idea. Maybe going on holiday with 2 teenagers while trying to care for your own 3 year old is a recipe for short words and irritation? Hilarious how every possible situation that is shared on here is met with calls of the man being 'an abuser' and you should throw him out (along the way impacting the relationship OP's youngest has with their father).
Teenagers are hard, especially someone else's, give the man some empathy.

No decent man bullies a 13 yo.

I wouldn't continue a relationship with someone who acted like that.

I have found that in the teenage years, I argued with my daughter and now my husband is arguing with my son. I think it’s a normal thing to happen. Your husband is getting more annoyed than you by your sons. Have you asked your sons how they feel about it? I ask my son and he just shrugs it off, says he loves my husband and gets on better with him than his own dad 🤷‍♀️ I do feel like I’m a referee between them sometimes. I just wouldn’t repeat a holiday until they are around 17. It gets better by then in my experience.

Just to say we had a similar dream holiday expectation a few years ago and it was quite hellish. Lots of bickering. We talked through it things got a lot better. Blended families can be hard but I think as long as you both/all want to communicate and solve the problem once you’re calm that’s the main thing.

However if he’s not interested in helping make things better that is a bad sign

I agree there is a clear and right choice here. Always put your children first.

So he is a "cold fish" and moody and bad tempered? What made you think he would be different on holiday?

Would he be prepared to go to family therapy? is he the kind of man who could recognise, when it's shown to him, that he was exhibiting unnecessary alpha male behaviour and should tone it down?

If not, then you probably should separate, But I'd always try to solve this sort of issue as it may be temporary, before creating yet another broken home.