Warned by BF's friend

[Oxycarpus]

I met a female friend of my BF for the first time last weekend. She was with her male friend and we spent a couple of hours in their company. As we left and when my BF was out of earshot, she caught my attention and said "be careful" twice. I nodded but now I'm in a quandry about what to do next. We've been together 5 months and he seems a gentle man and we get on well. I feel like I should press for more information as this is some kind of mysterious cryptic message if I don't. I've started to imagine what demons are in his cupboard.

Highly unlikely

Not sure I would trust anyone who would say that and say no more. If she were genuinely altruistic she would explain herself.

It sounds like she is trying to stir up trouble

If she said something like 'He's got a temper' and OP told him, he might get violent towards her.

Can’t you reach out to her and ask her to clarify what she meant?

I see your post has been posted on mn Facebook @Oxycarpus . As if we needed another reason to put us off posting on this platform

Definitely Clares law and a Google. Have you had the "past relationships" chat yet? I think that's often very illuminating. My sil had an ex who when discussing past relationships they'd always ended in "so she was this awful manipulator who made up all this stuff and she even got the police involved". If anything like this comes up, I'd generally say it's impossibly unlikely he's had the misfortune to meet several manipulative awful women who make up false accusations tbh (needless to say SiL had to get the police involved when she left despite initially believing all his exes were crazy)..... If there seems any level of weird animosity towards exes or any mystery at all around them, then I think that'll give you your answer about needing to be careful.

Mumsnet puts posts on Facebook?! Yikes. Had no idea they did that.
OP I'd ask your BF. It's shit of her to not give you more info. Could be violence, she's a bitter ex, he's unfaithful, a fraudster, illegal immigrant, married, literally anything!

Agree it’s likely she’s warning you about something he might do that could
harm or upset you.

All you can do here is be wise, heed (don’t dismiss) her warning but carry on in your new relationship- just take it slowly and keep your eyes open.

You will likely meet her again and then you can ask what she meant - hopefully you won’t have had to figure it out yourself.

She was unable to say anymore as the boyfriend was stood close by - she could only whisper it quickly.

Perhaps she was nervous and deliberating whether to say anything at all, and so ran out of time and that’s all she could manage.

Perhaps she herself had only heard rumours about him, so couldn’t elaborate. Woman trying to help a women - why not assume good intentions?!

Ask him directly. His response will tell you everything you need to know. It’s not too contrived to ask for her number either, it’s the honeymoon period for you, think really carefully about any possible red flags you’ve seen and ignored or filed , any questions or things you noticed but didn’t want to spoil your early days glow?

It rather shows which women have the default setting of either mistrusting or trusting other women doesn't it!

Either he's got history of shagging about behind girlfriends backs, or she quite likes having him as a single male friend, and doesnt want to be "sharing" him with his GF so wants to scare you off.

I think its not the that the woman wants him for herself, its that the woman just doesnt want anyone else to have him.

@noidea69 , the man comes with red flags.
Five months in, most couples haven't argued. The first argument with my ex was the last. I'd bet money on OP's fella being violent.

I imagine he has some history…

Totally weird. If he was cheating why didn’t she say “you’re not the only one” or something similar, if using drugs “he’s got a habit” (also if drugs, I mean you’d figure that out pretty quickly in any case).

Hard to believe she’d say this if she genuinely had your interests at heart, she’d have told you more.

I disagree, @GiveDogBone . If you are in that position, you can't be the one to say 'Dave does drugs/is violent/is a serial cheat/is whatever', you can only hint that there are red flags.

I'd chuck her under the bus, and tell your boyfriend what she said, and ask him what does means by it

I would be astonished if this comes from a place of jealousy. This is guaranteed to come back to bite you, its so obvious.

I also think its unlikely to be something criminally serious such as serious DV. If that were the case she wouldn’t associate with him at all.

Far more likely that he is a) a serial cheat/commitment phobe and she has seen him go through tons if women, or b), has an alcohol, drugs or gambling addiction.

I would take it seriously though. No one would do that on a first meeting with a friend’s partner for shits and giggles.

I also think its unlikely to be something criminally serious such as serious DV.
My take is that there is an ex-girlfriend(s) who has claimed he be beat her up but not pressed charges, and he said she made it up.

She could be warning you that he has cheated in the past, or she could be warning you to be careful with him, not hurt him as he's been hurt in the past. There really is only one way to find out what she meant, and thats to ask her. So, get hold of her number from your BF and meet uo for a coffee. Or you could ask him if he knows what she meant.

She probably had a fling had a fling with him herself and is trying to scare you off

Some of you have a shockingly low opinion of other women.

This 💯%.